جارٍ تحميل الأرشيف الحي.
Part 2 of 4
Think Ahead
واصِل الاستكشاف
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لم تُترجم هذه الصفحة بالكامل بعد. يظهر بعض النص أدناه أو كله بلغة English، وهي لغته الأصلية.
I saw pornography for the first time in the fifth grade at a friend's house. We found a large collection of magazines and memorized the pictures. The second time was in seventh grade while babysitting—I found magazines on a coffee table and spent time looking at them after putting the children to bed. The third time was in tenth grade when I found magazines I hid until guilt overwhelmed me and I threw them away.
What's remarkable is what I still remember decades later. First, I remember the rush—the thrill and excitement of seeing something forbidden that I wanted to see. Second, over forty years later, I can still recall some of those images if I tried. Third, I remember the confusion: the simultaneous excitement and shame and guilt I felt.
Back then, pornography was difficult to access. Today, you give a twelve-year-old a mobile device and you're essentially giving them porn in their pocket. According to Common Sense Media, twelve is the average age a child will see pornography for the first time, and that problem sticks with many people.
Studies show that about sixty-nine percent of men and forty percent of women will view pornography this year in the US. The bad news is that chances are, at some point, you will be tempted to look at someone lustfully. Not if, but when.
The good news is that our God is faithful. No matter how you are tempted, God will always give you a way out.
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
Temptation itself is not sin. Even Jesus was tempted. The question is what you do with the temptation. God promises to provide a way of escape so you can endure it.
In the Bible, Job is remembered for his suffering. But there's much more to his story. He was a very successful man with integrity who honored God. When the devil attacked him—his possessions, his family, and his health—Job defended his character by listing the things he had done right and the things he had not done wrong.
The first thing Job mentions is a promise he made to God:
I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman. (Job 31:1)
If Job starts with lust, we might deduce that he could have been tempted to lust. What you lead with is often what's most important to you. I have never made a covenant with God not to steal a car because I've never been tempted to steal one. But when I threw those magazines away in tenth grade, I said, "God, please help me not look again," because I was vulnerable to it.
Job leads with this desire and his promise to God because he is God-centered in all he does. He knows he needs God and that God knows what he's going through. As Job says:
Doesn't God see everything I do and every step I take? (Job 31:4)
You may be able to hide your lust from other people, but you cannot hide it from God. He knows about it. He still loves you. And he promises to give you a way out.
Jesus set the standard very high in the New Testament:
If you look lustfully at a woman, you've already committed adultery in your heart.
Job said it this way:
Lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. It's a fire that burns all the way to hell.
Job continued:
If I gave into my lustful desires, it would wipe out everything that I own. If I just gave into this, it could completely ruin my life.
Job decided to think ahead. He pre-decided to make a covenant with his eyes not to look lustfully at a woman.
I want to encourage you to think ahead and ask yourself this question: Left unchecked, what could your sexual sin cost you?
If I compromise my integrity in this way, it could cost me everything. What would I lose if I sinned sexually?
But the worst part is that I would betray my vows to my best friend—the most amazing woman in the world who has been faithful to me for almost thirty-four years. I would crush her heart. Five minutes of sexual sin could wreck a lifetime story of serving Jesus.
I want to ask you: Left unchecked, what could your sexual vulnerabilities cost you?
The devil has a strategy to take every single one of us down in this area. Let me show you what I call the devil's temptation cycle:
First: You are triggered. You see something that arouses you—an attractive person at the gym, someone in yoga pants, a raunchy show on HBO, a sexy photo on Instagram, a steamy part in a novel, or your mind wanders when you're sad, angry, bored, or alone at home.
Second: Your desire is awakened. You see something that excites you, and this trigger causes a powerful physiological reaction in your body. There's a dopamine rush. You think: I want to see it. I want to grab it. I want to touch it.
Third: Your brain attempts to rationalize your desire. You start telling yourself stories:
You work to justify it.
Fourth: You act out. If you do not intentionally stop the cycle, you will act out. You'll click on the website, watch the video, ask for a nude photo, masturbate—you'll act out.
Fifth: You experience shame. Especially if you're a Christian, you think: I shouldn't have done that. I feel so bad. Before you sin, the devil tries to minimize it: "It's not that big a deal. Everybody else does it." But after you sin, the devil maximizes it: "God wouldn't love you. You'll never have a good marriage. You're pathetic. You're disgusting."
It can be confusing because there's a part of you that longs for it and enjoys it, and another part that feels equally—or even more—ashamed, dirty, and guilty.
If you're a Christian, the devil will tell you: You can't tell anyone. You have to keep this a secret. If they know, they won't trust you, and you can't be used by God.
But this is a very big problem: sin grows best in the dark. When you want to hide it, you delete your history, make up stories, and try to cover your tracks. You go through life with what some people have described as a ball and chain—trying to serve God, trying to have a good marriage, trying to live with purity, but there's this weight that holds you back and slows you down. You're always wondering: When is it going to come out? When is it going to cost me?
For those of you who are Christians, you promise God you're going to stop. This is the last time. Then you ask God to help you, and you might actually stop for a while—three days, a week, six weeks, nine months. Then at some point you're triggered, and instead of walking away, you give in. You look once or you act out.
Then what a lot of people do is say: "Well, I screwed up once, I might as well just do it again." And then they binge on whatever sexual sin is before them.
If you're single, you think: When I get married, this is going to go away. We'll have a honeymoon for the next seventy-three years. But when you get married, the temptation doesn't go away. Why? Because you don't just have a lust problem—you're stuck in the devil's cycle of sin.
Job gives us a really good example. You can almost hear his thought process: If I'm going to be vulnerable to this, before I'm vulnerable, I'm going to think ahead. I'm going to pre-decide to make a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a woman.
I want to encourage you to pre-decide your plan of escape. Here are three thoughts:
Paul didn't say to fight against sexual temptation. He said to flee from it. Don't just say "I'm not going to look, I'm not going to look." Instead, turn yourself and run. Get away from it as fast as you can. Stay away. Shut the door. Throw away the key.
Almost every time you sin, you sin through a door that you left open.
If you're vulnerable, be honest about how and when you're vulnerable, and close the door. You're only as strong as long as you are honest. Job was honest enough to start there. The first thing he said was: "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully."
Let me be transparent about my own journey. Long before I was a pastor, I was a man. There was a time when Amy and I got our first home computer during the AOL era. We received emails with bait that led us to inappropriate websites. I remember the horrified feeling of realizing that porn was now in my house.
I realized that if I could be vulnerable, I probably wanted to close that door. I talked to people who were smarter than I was and found software to block everything and send reports to people I trust. As technology evolved, so did my systems of protection.
Now, I have everything as locked down as it possibly can be. Amy has access to all my texts, all my emails, and my whole office team can see everything. I have almost no privacy whatsoever. My iPad and iPhones are blocked from adult content, and I don't even have the ability to download apps, to the best of my technological ability. I can't see anything I wouldn't want to see.
Some of you might be thinking: "Craig, do you really need all that protection?" Honestly, no, not really. But what do I have to lose by being careful? Nothing. What do I have to lose by not being careful? A lot.
I'm going to say to somebody here: Don't just fight it—you've been fighting it and it hasn't worked. Flee from it. Do whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes. You've got to do something drastic. I'd rather have a dumb phone than end up divorced. Do whatever it takes.
Pray about it. Say: "God, I need your help. Would you renew the brokenness of my mind? God, just heal my heart from this hurt."
Here's what happened to most of you: somewhere along the way, Satan robbed you of your innocence. I don't know your story, but it's some version of this:
Whatever it is, somewhere along the way, most of us experienced what I call a sexual wound. We were hurt. We saw something. We were hurt. And it gave us a distorted view of God's gift of sexuality.
Now, whenever something triggers us, remind yourself: Sex is a gift from God between one man and one woman in the covenant of marriage. Every gift from God has a corresponding counterfeit. Sexual lust is a counterfeit to the gift of lovemaking in the covenant of marriage.
There is no image, no person, no sexual high that will satisfy your inner longings. You are made to crave love. You desire intimacy. You long to belong. You're searching for love—don't settle for lust. Don't settle for something that is a counterfeit from the devil that will never fill that void. It will only leave you hurting and wanting for more.
Based on research, here's what you can expect your body to go through over the next few weeks if you're trying to free yourself from the burden and bondage of pornography:
First week without porn: Your dopamine is going to take a nose dive. You'll experience dramatic mood swings and increased anxiety. You'll experience heightened sensitivity to lustful thoughts.
One to three weeks without porn: Your motivation and energy plummet. Your body isn't used to the dopamine high, and you have little to no sexual urges. If you're married, because you've only been aroused by something illegitimate and sinful, sexual connection becomes difficult.
Four to eight weeks without porn: You'll probably experience a roller coaster of emotions. Your energy starts to return followed by sluggishness or depression because your body hasn't normalized yet. You might battle sudden bursts of temptation. This is where relapse is most common. If you do give in one time, don't give in two times. A relapse might be part of your healing. You never want to give yourself permission for it, but if you do, don't stay in it.
Beyond three months: Your emotions stabilize. This isn't a one-and-done thing that's fixed by Tuesday. This is God renewing your mind and healing your heart over time. Your sex drive starts to return to normal. Your spiritual confidence soars because you're intimate with God and walking empowered by the Spirit. You're not being drained by that weight holding you back. Your relational intimacy grows. You can look at your spouse and say "I love you" with integrity. You can want each other in an intimate way with integrity. You feel at peace. You feel whole. You feel alive again.
Paul tells us:
Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2)
Would you agree that lust is normal in this world? Sex before marriage is normal. Sex outside of marriage is normal. All kinds of sexual expression are considered normal.
But do you want normal? Normal is divorced. Normal is broken. Normal is guilt. Normal is shame.
You've got to be different from this world if you want something better. Do not conform to the patterns of this world. Instead, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. God's got to take those images and that perversion and renew them with the truth of God's word. Then, as he does it, you'll be able to test and prove what God's will is—his good, his pleasing, and his perfect will.
Job knew something crucial that many of us miss: left unchecked, sexual sin can cost you everything. He didn't hide from this reality—he led with it. In Job 31:1, the very first thing he mentions in his defense is his covenant with God: "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman."
What's significant is that Job started with lust. If he leads with it, we can deduce he was vulnerable to it. He didn't gloss over it or pretend it wasn't an issue. He was honest about his struggle because he understood what was at stake.
Consider what you could lose if you give in to sexual temptation:
One moment of compromise can wreck a lifetime story of serving Jesus.
The enemy has a strategic cycle he uses to pull people down. Understanding it is your first defense.
Step 1: You are triggered. You see something that arouses you—an attractive person, a suggestive photo on social media, a steamy scene in a show or novel. Your mind wanders when you're alone, sad, angry, or bored. A physiological response happens in your body.
Step 2: Your desire awakens. There's a dopamine rush. Your body responds powerfully. You think, I want to see it. I want it.
Step 3: Your brain rationalizes. You tell yourself a story. "I deserve this reward." "My spouse isn't meeting my needs." "I'm single and not hurting anyone." "Nobody will know." You work to justify what you want to do.
Step 4: You act out. If you don't intentionally break the cycle here, you will act. You click the website. You watch the video. You masturbate. You cross a line you said you wouldn't cross.
Step 5: Shame crashes in. The enemy's strategy shifts. Before the sin, he minimized it: It's not that big a deal. Everyone does it. After the sin, he maximizes it: God could never love you. You'll never have a good marriage. You're pathetic and disgusting.
Step 6: The secret deepens the trap. The enemy tells you to hide it. "If anyone finds out, they'll never trust you. You can't be used by God." So you delete your history, create cover stories, and carry the weight alone. Sin grows best in the dark.
This cycle creates what feels like a ball and chain. You're trying to serve God, trying to build a good marriage, trying to live with purity—but there's a weight holding you back.
Manypeople trapped in this cycle experience a predictable pattern:
The problem is that you don't just have a lust problem—you're caught in a cycle. And cycles require a different approach than willpower alone.
Job teaches us to think ahead and pre-decide. Before you're in the moment of temptation, decide what you'll do. Here are three essential moves:
Paul wrote: "Flee from sexual immorality." He didn't say fight it—he said run. Don't just resist; actively escape.
This means being honest about when and how you're vulnerable. If you struggle with certain websites, block them. If particular times of day are dangerous, schedule accountability then. If certain places or people are triggers, avoid them.
The truth is: almost every time you sin, you sin through a door you left open. You're only as strong as you are honest.
Here's what this looks like practically: If you're vulnerable, don't just fight the urge—shut the door. Whatever it takes. If you need to go back to a simple phone, do it. If you need software that blocks content and reports to people you trust, install it. If you need to remove streaming services, cancel them. If you need someone checking your phone periodically, hand it over.
You might think: "Do I really need all that protection?" The answer depends on the question: What do you have to lose by being careful? Nothing. What do you have to lose by not being careful? Everything.
Most of us carry what I call a sexual wound. Somewhere along the way, you saw something you shouldn't have seen, or touched something you shouldn't have touched, or someone touched you inappropriately. You were robbed of your innocence. Satan gave you a distorted view of God's gift of sexuality.
Now when you're triggered, remember this: Sex is a gift from God, designed for one man and one woman in the covenant of marriage. Every gift from God has a counterfeit. Sexual lust is a counterfeit to the real gift of lovemaking in marriage.
No image, no person, no sexual high will ever satisfy your deep longings. You are made to crave love and intimacy and belonging. You're searching for connection. Don't settle for lust. Don't settle for a counterfeit from the enemy that will only leave you hurting and wanting more.
Pray: "God, heal the wounds. Renew my mind. Replace those distorted images with your truth."
If you commit to freedom, here's what research shows you can expect:
Week 1: Dopamine crashes. Dramatic mood swings. Increased anxiety. Heightened sensitivity to lustful thoughts.
Weeks 1-3: Motivation and energy plummet. Sexual urges drop sharply. Your body is adjusting.
Weeks 4-8: Emotional roller coaster. Energy returns, then sluggishness or depression. Your body is normalizing. This is where relapse is most common. If you slip once, don't slip twice. A relapse doesn't erase your progress.
Beyond 3 months: Your emotions stabilize. Your sex drive returns to normal. Your spiritual confidence soars because you're walking with God, empowered by the Spirit. You're not weighed down anymore. Your relational intimacy grows. You can look at your spouse and say "I love you" with integrity. You can want each other intimately with integrity. You feel at peace. You feel whole. You feel alive again.
Paul tells us in Romans 12:2:
Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Would you agree that lust is normal in this world? Sex before marriage is normal. Sex outside of marriage is normal. All kinds of sexual expression are considered normal in our culture.
But do you want normal? Normal is divorced. Normal is broken. Normal is guilt. Normal is shame.
You've got to be different from this world if you want something better. Do not conform to the patterns of this world. Instead, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. God has to take those images and that perversion and replace them with the truth of God's Word. Then, as he does it, you'll be able to test and prove what God's will is—his good, his pleasing, and his perfect will.
The final and most powerful step: Don't just flee from temptation. Pursue a life with Jesus.
Don't try to empty lust out of your life through willpower alone. Instead, fill your life so full of Jesus—full of God's presence, God's Word, God's power, God's calling—that you don't have room or time for the lower things of this world.
You're not trying to fight lust away. You're replacing it with something infinitely better. You're pursuing intimacy with God. You're walking in the power of the Spirit. You're living out your calling.
When your life is full of Jesus, there's no vacancy for the counterfeit.
Don't just flee from temptation—pursue a life with Jesus. You're not trying to fight lust away through willpower alone. Instead, fill your life so full of Jesus—full of God's presence, God's Word, God's power, God's calling—that you don't have room or time for the lower things of this world. You're replacing lust with something infinitely better: intimacy with God, walking in the power of the Spirit, and living out your calling. When your life is full of Jesus, there's no vacancy for the counterfeit.
I read a non-Christian article that made a powerful point: most people, especially men, tend to look at porn when they're bored, empty, underchallenged, or lacking something. The article suggested that you don't just try to remove lustful desires—you need to fill your life with risk, excitement, and thrill.
I thought, yes. I don't have nearly the temptation I had years ago because I've got so much risk, excitement, and thrill. Do you know why? Because there is nothing more risky, exciting, or thrilling than living daily for Jesus. When you're living for Jesus, God prompts you to pray for someone, to give to someone. Sometimes you get persecuted. Sometimes people make fun of you. That may be difficult, but you show back up, keep praying, keep believing, keep loving, keep giving, keep walking in the Spirit—not by the flesh. That's risky. That's exciting. That's thrilling.
So it's not just that you're getting rid of lust—you're getting so full of Jesus you don't even have room for lust.
Job was a righteous, godly man, yet he made a covenant with God not to look lustfully. Even so, the devil attacked him, robbed him, and stole from him. But the good news is God restored all he'd lost and more. Whatever the devil has taken from you, God wants to restore what you've lost and give you even more. Don't let the devil rob you.
The bad news is we're all going to be tempted in some way. The good news is our God is so good and so faithful, and he will always give you a way out.
Jesus said, "I am the truth, and the truth will set you free." May you be free.
