Training Children in the Way They Should Go

The Foundation of Parenting

Our text this afternoon is Proverbs 22:6, which says: "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old you will not depart from it." The word of God is complete and beautiful—it addresses every need in the life of people, even needs we have not yet realized. If only we could draw from and apply Proverbs 22:6, all the worry about our children, especially in this country, would be sorted out.

The Bible tells us that if we train up a child in the way he should go, no matter how old he becomes, he will not depart from that path. As parents, we have a God-given responsibility which we cannot delegate, shake off, or run away from. God has entrusted us with children and called us to train them in the right direction, knowing that even after we have done our job, these children will not depart from that path.

What It Means to Train and Parent

To parent or to train connotes quite a number of things. First, to parent means to repeatedly give a sense of direction to someone. The key word here is "repeatedly"—it is not a one-time event. You do not take children to a seminar, give them a certificate, and declare them trained. Training happens over time, as often as possible, daily.

A practical way to do this is at the family altar early in the morning, before children's minds turn to other things. Sit down for a short time to pick up a good subject and the word of God—there is a relevant word for every day.

Listen to what Proverbs 7:24 says: "Now therefore listen to me my children pay attention to the words of my mouth do not let your heart turn aside to her ways."

As a father, I am talking to you as one who can see what you cannot yet see. The Bible says, "Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are." Parents can smell trouble in another child miles away. When they tell you something is not good, they are not being difficult or nasty—they are protecting you. Your life is God's life, given to you in trust.

If you read Proverbs 7 from the beginning, you will find it is advising a young man about following a wayward woman. If you read to verse 27, it says her house is the way to hell or the grave—descending to the chambers of death. If you follow the road to a wayward woman's house, very soon you will shake hands with the Devil. Parents are not being naughty or old-fashioned; they know there is no good way there.

The Family Structure and Daily Practice

The model of the family from the Bible is father, mother, and children. It is not a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. The father is the pastor of the house, and the wife is a bishop in the home. It is the responsibility of the father to bring the entire family together. You do not need to preach very long—use the word of God.

There are many excellent devotional resources available. The Open Heavens, for instance, is a very good resource that we have on our website. You can download it for free even if you cannot afford to buy a hard copy. The Bible says new every morning is his mercies, and his word is new every morning. Let us use it to address every issue facing our children.

Reinforcing Lessons Through Our Own Story

Second, to train means to reinforce particular lessons of life—to reinforce these lessons using our own story to demonstrate the truth of what we teach.

Sometimes when we read the Bible to our children, they say, "Daddy, what about you?" We must be honest. We cannot just tell them it is not good to keep a boyfriend or girlfriend without owning up to where we may have made mistakes. We need to tell them: I made this mistake, and I do not want you to make the same mistakes I made.

The Bible says that in times of ignorance, the Lord has overlooked our mistakes. But now that we know better, we cannot continue to wallow in sin. I was telling my children at the university that one of the things that brought me to the church was fear. I got scared, and God heard me and saved me. Now I am here more than 20 years later, still getting stronger. I do not want you to go the way I went—there is no road there.

We tell our children our own story so they can know that we are telling them the truth. Illustrate what you are reading from the word with your story.

Modeling What We Preach

Third, to train means to model the training—you use your own life to demonstrate what the Bible is saying so that what you are preaching, you are also practicing.

Let your children see that you practice what you preach. It is easier to preach than to practice. When your children see that you practice what you are preaching, they will listen. Children are very smart at copying. If you tell them the truth all the time, you do not need to tell them not to tell lies. But if you are a chronic liar and you are telling your children it is not good to tell lies, do you think they will listen to you?

The Bible says, "Like fathers, like sons." If you are a liar, your children will be liars. If you smoke and tell your children not to smoke, they will not listen. If this is your struggle, say to your child: This was a terrible mistake that I picked up. I pray that the power of God will deliver you from any habit you may be struggling with in the mighty name of Jesus. Let me tell you, this is my last day—I will smoke no more.

First Corinthians 11:1 says: "Be ye followers of me even as I also am of Christ."

We are not modeling just for the sake of modeling. We are actually looking at Jesus to model for our children. Paul says to the church in Corinth, "Follow me as I am following Jesus." The Bible says, "Looking unto Jesus who is the author and finisher of our faith." As we parents look unto Jesus and live as he said we should live, our children can see us indeed. We have become living epistles—witnesses that the world can read.

Consequences and Discipline

Fourth, to train means to exact some consequences when children go wrong—to teach them that there are boundaries, and if you go beyond them, there will be consequences.

Our society has been deceived. The devil has told us that when a child does something wrong, we should just give them money, buy them biscuits, or make them happy—and then the wrong behavior will not happen again. Is that what the Bible says? No. You are encouraging the child to go wrong more and more.

The rod does not kill a child; it actually corrects the child. I say this proudly: where the law of man breaks the law of God, I am much more happy to go to jail for the law of God. I thank God that those who are making the laws for our society are beginning to repent, because the outcome shows the law is not working. After all these years of this experiment, the children are now going to university, and look at the results—the chickens have come to roost.

Parents are now scared of their children. Teachers are almost frustrated. Many trained teachers are scared to pick up teaching jobs because they cannot handle the children. Children are carrying weapons now, and it is getting worse and worse. Where did this start? Because we took God out of the raising of children—that is where it started.

The Bible says: "For whom the Lord loves, he disciplines." Hebrews 12:6

It is wrong to tell your children you cannot discipline them. I am more than happily willing to go to jail for correcting my child when they have done wrong. As parents, we should not shy away from that responsibility. Draw a line. There are things your children can do, but there is an imaginary line they cannot cross. Once they cross that line, there are consequences.

Identifying the Right Way

Now, let us go back to our text, Proverbs 22:6. It says, "Train up the child in the way he should go." The crucial issue here is: What is the way he should go?

A lot of us already know about training—we can train dogs, we can train horses. But there is a way that is perishing. The Bible says: To the one who does not know where he is going, everywhere looks like the way. If you do not have any destination, you are going nowhere. But the Bible says there is the way that you should go. That is the one you train your child to follow.

John 14:6 says: "Jesus said unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life."

Jesus is not saying, "I know the way." He is saying, "I am the way." All other prophets say, "If you follow me, I will show you the way." There is still a probability you might miss the way. But Jesus says, "I am the way." This is the most profound statement any man has ever made.

To get your children to follow the right way, introduce them to Jesus very early—as young as when they are in the womb. That is when to start. Do not say, "When they get to 12." By then it might be too late. From before they were even delivered, pray over the child, prophesy to the child, speak to them. They listen, even in the womb.

Train your children in the way of the Lord. Cause them to understand that Jesus Christ is the way, he is the truth, and he is the life.

Romans 5:2 says: "By whom also we have access by faith into his grace wherein we stand and rejoice in hope of the glory of God."

If you introduce the child to Jesus, he has access—access to whatever he wants to do in life. Jesus Christ is the way to success. The wish of every parent is that our children will be better than us. Teach the children that if they want to be successful, Jesus Christ is not just a way—he is the only way to success.

Psalm 1:1 says: "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful."

If you follow Jesus, you are already blessed, it does not matter what comes. You will win because he never lost.

The Promise of Right Training

Now let us get to the third part of our text: "Train up the child in the way he should go and when he is old..." When he is grown, when he gets to maturity and reaches 18 in this country, what happens to him?

Immediately a child reaches 18, some children—not all—are looking forward to that birthday because that is the point when it becomes legal for them to move in with their boyfriends, to start smoking on the streets, to do things they were hiding before. When he grows and gets to 18 and over, what will happen?

The text says: "When he is old he will not depart from it."

If the foundation was right, the superstructure will be all right. If the foundation is wrong, the Bible says: If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do? If we did not start right, any good engineer will know—you have to remove the foundation and start fresh. That is what the church is about doing in this land: bringing Jesus back to the school, bringing Jesus back to the home.

When we have parenting classes, the first thing we tell parents is that Jesus is the way. A person either accepts it or leaves it. But if they are enjoying the mess they are in, so be it. The promise is clear: if you train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it.