Called and Discouraged: Understanding the Tension Between Expectation and Experience

The Weight of Conflicting Realities

When you're called by God to do something significant, there's often a deep sense of joy and purpose. But what happens when that calling collides with personal suffering? I remember when our church was being founded—we were on food stamps, going through hard times, yet there was this overwhelming sense of joy for what God was calling us to do.

But two doors down from my house, my father was dying of cancer. So here I was, spending nine months giving birth to one thing—a church, a ministry—while at the same time something else very important to me was dying. I was wrestling with the dichotomy between the life coming on one side and the life fleeing on the other.

Wrestling With Prayer That Goes Unanswered

My father asked me to promise him one thing: that our church would always be a house of prayer. He wanted to see what Jesus would do with his son and his ministry. Three months after the church was founded, my mother called me. I went to be with him as he took his last breath, and I watched the spirit leave the body. In that moment, the reality of eternity became so real to me—we're just spirits living in a house, and once that last breath leaves, your fate is sealed.

That happened on a Saturday night. The very next morning, I had to get up and preach God's word with the pain fresh in my heart.

But here's what was doing me more damage: I was praying for him to be healed, and the Lord didn't answer that prayer in this life. What I wanted from God, he did not do. And now I had to wrestle with a new reality—not just for nine months, but for the next ten years. I had to learn in my Christian walk to wrestle with the frustration that God was not moving on my behalf the way I wanted him to move.

The Tension Between Expectation and Experience

Nobody wants to be honest about this, but how many of you know what it is to be believing God for something and feel like he's not coming through? You've been praying about it—how long? And it feels like he's not listening. He's not moving on your behalf.

I call this the tension between expectation and experience. It's the tension between what I'm believing for and what I'm living. It's the tension between what I'm praying for and what I'm experiencing. When what I'm believing for is not congruent with what I'm living, that creates a real wrestle in the heart.

Some of you are praying for the healing of somebody who the Lord does not heal in this life. Some of you have been fighting on your knees, fasting and praying for a marriage, and it still ends up in divorce. Some of you have been believing for a job that hasn't happened. A blessing over your company that hasn't happened. Doors you've asked God to open that have not opened.

You say, "God, I'm doing all I know how to do. I'm coming to church. I'm being faithful. I'm giving my tithes and offerings. Lord, I'm sewing my seed. I'm serving on a team. I'm doing all of this." And yet you go home and cry over this area of your life that you've been believing for, and Lord, it seems like you're not moving.

When Pain Extends Over Years

It's one thing to deal with that tension for a couple weeks or a couple months. It's another thing to deal with it for a year, two years, ten years. I've been believing God for things for ten years that have not happened yet. Can I go deeper? Twenty years. For real. That has not happened yet.

And the temptation is to be mad and walk away from God. Pain will do that to you. Unmitigated pain will do that to you. Because after you've wrestled with the tension between expectation and experience for an extended period of time, you know what that creates in the human heart?

Discouragement. Disillusionment. Discontentment. Despair. Indifference. Hopelessness. Distrust for God. Bitterness. Anger. Resentment. Confusion. Envy of others. "How come you're doing it for them, but you're not doing that for me? I know I'm more righteous than them. I've fasted and prayed and held down the cookie jar, but I'm still single. Meanwhile, she's ratchet, and you gave her a husband?"

You've never questioned God? You've never thought, "I'm not going to accuse him, but I am asking what is happening here"? Some of us straight accuse him. Some of us fear God so much we won't accuse him, but we're confused. "I'm too afraid to put you on the stand, but I'm confused, Lord."

Real Life, Not Pixie Dust

I'm talking about real life here, not pixie dust and church. I'm talking about sitting in your house while hell is going on in your life right now. I'm talking about having a laundry list of things you've been believing for that has not happened yet.

One of the things that angers me in American Christianity is we treat people in the scriptures like they're characters in fables and bedtime stories. You either see them as fictitious or you worship them like they're not human beings. But the Lord was a historical person. Elijah was a man. We learn from them, but we don't worship them.

The Calling and the Training

Here's what the Lord does: He calls a group of men like he calls you. He changes the way they see, like he tries to change the way that you see. He gives them instructions on how to carry out ministry, like he tries to give you instructions on how to live. He anoints them to go out and do work. He tells them, "You will experience persecution. People are not going to like you when you get out."

Matthew records the end of that conversation, and then he records a tension that we're all familiar with.

Matthew 11: 1-2

When Jesus had finished instructing his 12 disciples, he went on from there to teach and preach in their cities.

Notice this: Jesus spent all that time instructing them. He sends them out two by two to do ministry. They go one way. He goes the other way to continue spreading the gospel. You see the discipleship model? Call them, train them, instruct them, send them out. They go two by two to various cities. Jesus goes the opposite direction.

I want you to notice the word to in the text. "To teach and preach." This is a sign to the reader that the Lord Jesus lived a life with a deep sense of purpose and mission. Here's a man who understands: my assignment is not done. I have to continue to go on to the next few cities to spread this gospel as far as it will reach.

Here we see in the life of our Savior someone who lives with this deep sense of purpose, this deep sense of mission. And I'm sure he wants us to live the same way. Even in the mundane, the Lord wants you to live with a sense of meaning and purpose and mission.

It's how you do marriage. It's how you walk into the gym. It's how you walk on campus. It's how you walk into the job. It's how you handle business. You do it like a kingdom representative. No matter what is happening in your life, you have this deep sense: I've been called, and I'm living with a deep sense of meaning and purpose.

John's Discouragement

Now when John heard in prison about the deeds of the Christ, the anointed one, he sent word by his disciples and said to him, Jesus, are you the one who is to come or shall we look for another person?

This hits hard. This is John the Baptist. He's the cousin of Jesus. His parents were elderly and were told by an angel, "You're going to have a special son. He's going to be filled with the spirit from the womb. He will be a forerunner in ministry for Christ. He will prepare the way for the coming of Christ."

John grew up knowing that his cousin is the Son of the Most High God. The prophets wrote about him 700 years before he was born—that he was going to come and be the forerunner, the mouthpiece to prepare the way for the coming of Christ.

And John's ministry blew up. He was out in the wilderness, wearing locust and eating wild honey. Tens of thousands of people came out to him to hear him preach. His following exploded. If John was alive right now, he'd be a man with a national ministry.

John's Vindication

In John 3, we see something crucial. His disciples came to him saying, "Rabbi, he who is with you across the Jordan—Jesus—to whom you bore witness, he is baptizing, and all are going out to him." Notice they're troubled. This ministry that was supposed to be about John was now shifting to Jesus.

And John answered: "A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given to him from heaven." Here's a man who knows his identity and his purpose and his calling. Then he says:

You yourselves bear me witness that I said I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him. The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom who stands and hears him rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. He must increase, but I must decrease.

John has joy in one season. He rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. So why are you now, in prison, asking Jesus, "Are you the Messiah?" You send your students to ask Christ if he is the person you were telling everybody he was.

Wow. Either John is bipolar, or John is discouraged. And as soon as John feels pain, the God he stood for in one season is the God he's now questioning in another season.

Josephus, a Jewish historian, tells us that John was locked up in a palace that belonged to Herod, and he'd been there for about a year. If you've been sitting in prison for a year, you've got plenty of time to think. Look at what John's really asking: Why am I in here and you are out there? Why am I locked up and you have not come?

He's really asking: Why have you not overthrown Rome? Why are you not moving on my behalf? He's wrestling with his expectation of God and his human experience. There's a dissonance between the person he calls his cousin and Savior and his imprisonment. "I call him Savior, but I'm locked up. I've been here for a year, and you still haven't gotten me out."

Jesus' Response: Look at What I'm Doing

Watch how the Lord responds:

And Jesus answered and said, Go and tell John what you hear and what you see. The blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have the good news preached to them. And blessed is the one who is not offended.

Jesus doesn't even address John's complaint. He gives him a list. And why? Because that list can be found in the book of Isaiah. Several hundred years before Jesus was born, Isaiah prophesied that whenever the Messiah comes, the Son of God comes, he will give sight to the blind. He will give hearing to the deaf. Lame people will walk. Lepers will be cleansed. The dead will be raised to life.

Jesus chose that list to remind John: I still am who you were preaching about.

The Lesson for Us

But here's the lesson in the text for you: The Lord is not addressing what John perceives God is not doing. Instead, the Lord is trying to show John what God is doing. That even in the middle of pain, we spend a lot of time focusing on what we think God is not doing. And our pain blinds us from what God is doing.

So you don't have a husband yet, but God has been transforming your faith and character while you've been waiting. He has not opened that door yet, but he's been perfecting your prayer life while you've been waiting. He has not answered that prayer yet, but he's been strengthening your faith while you've been waiting.

And so often, while we think God is not working, we are completely blind to what he is doing. This could be translated: "John, I am not getting you out of prison. But if you heard what I just said to you, I'm working on you while you are in prison. My son, my daughter, I am not taking you out of this circumstance yet. I'm using this circumstance to work something in you."

The Hard Truth About John's End

Now, can I go deeper? You're not going to like this part. The scripture tells us John never made it out of prison. King Herod was mad because John confronted him about his immorality. Herod had taken his brother's wife for himself, and John confronted him about it. So John was put in prison.

Jesus never comes to get him out. Herod's new wife's daughter dances in front of the king. The king is overwhelmed. The mother says, "Go tell the king, I want a gift. I want the head of John." Because he made a vow to the girl, he cuts off the head of John. John is executed in the first century AD. He never makes it out.

Now you think Jesus is unfair. But John knew that he must decrease and the Lord's ministry must increase. John should have known that his service unto the Lord had come to an end. John should have known that the stage is too big for two superstars—that the only superstar in the story is the Lord Jesus Christ. And when my service to him is over, it's over.

I don't want you to die jaded. I don't want you to put God on the witness stand because you think he's not fair.

When God's Will Differs From Your Prayer

Here's something else about John's death and his imprisonment: it's the will of God for John. And what do you do when the will of God is different than your prayer?

Is your character strong enough to handle when the will of God for you in any season is different than your prayer? The Lord might be saying, "I don't want you to struggle in this season. I'm going to teach you how to be a good steward through lack for a season. I want a husband, Lord, but if I gave him to you right now, you'll make him your idol and lose me. So I'm going to keep you to myself for a season."

Is your character strong enough to still love him and trust him even when you can't trace him? Especially when your prayer does not match his will for your life.

This kind of preaching won't make me famous because what you want to hear is anything you ask him for, he's going to do. I could make this whole room shout if I spent the next fifteen minutes making blanket promises of what the Lord is about to do. But then I'd be creating in your mind a God that does not exist.

Some things he will move on. Some prayer is going to be no. Some is going to be wait according to his will. That part we don't get taught enough. We just get saved and then we try to build our own kingdom and try to force God to bless our kingdom. We forget that he has a will. And what do you do when your will and his will collide and they don't match? Who submits at that point?

The Lord ain't never lost that battle.

Jesus Vindicates John

So John is beheaded. But you can either be jaded by a no or you can trust him in a no. It takes a mature person to say, "Lord, you ain't do this the way I thought it would. But I bless you anyhow. I praise you. I will serve you anyhow."

But look at this. This conversation is happening in public. John's disciples are listening. Jesus' disciples are listening. John's reputation looks a little shaky right now. "Man, this was the dude whose ministry blew up preaching Jesus, and now he's asking if Christ is the Messiah."

But watch what Jesus does. He says:

As they went away, Jesus began to speak to the crowds about John: "What did you come out here in the wilderness to see? A reed shaking in the wind? What then did you go out to see? A man dressed in soft clothing? Behold, those who wear soft clothing are in king's houses. What did you go out there to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, even more than a prophet. This is he of whom it was written, 'Behold, I send my messenger before your face, who will prepare the way before you.'"

A reed shaking in the wind means something is weak. Jesus is saying, "John ain't weak. He's human." A man in soft clothes? "No, John ain't soft. He's human. Y'all going to judge John? No, he's more than a prophet."

The Lord made sure he vindicated John's discouragement. Oh my God. The Lord ensured that John's reputation was not destroyed. He told everybody, "He's human. Yes, he's discouraged, but he ain't soft. That man was more than a prophet." The Lord vindicated John in his weakness.

I'm so thankful that I serve a Lord who vindicates us even in our weakness. When they are talking about me and putting me down behind my back and hoping for my downfall and questioning my loyalty to Jesus, I'm so glad that the Lord knows how to whisper in the ears of people and vindicate me and vindicate you. Even in the moment of weakness, the Lord can still uphold your credibility and your character.

You Are Greater Than John the Baptist

Truly I say to you, among those born of women there has not arisen no one greater than John the Baptist. Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.

Listen to the words of Christ. I'm talking to everybody in here who, like me, battles with insecurities. The Lord said of all the human beings that have ever lived, there is no human being who was ever born of a woman who was greater than John the Baptist.

Why? Because he was the last prophet of a line of prophets. Thousands of years people were talking about the coming of Christ. He was the end of an era.

But the person who is least in the kingdom of God, the new order that Jesus was about to bring, is greater than John the Baptist.

John is the end of an era—an era that did not have the indwelling of the spirit, an era that did not see the cross. Jesus comes, dies on a cross, and then the spirit of God is poured out on those who are saved. So now any person who is in Christ has a piece of God living on the inside of them in the person of the Holy Spirit.

We don't have to kill animals for our sin. We are forgiven of everything we've ever done. God lives on the inside of me, and I am covered by the blood. The single mother in the back of the room with no money who can only quote one scripture is greater than John the Baptist if she's saved. The dude in the room who's saved and can only quote four scriptures is greater than John the Baptist. The woman in this room who keeps beating herself up but is saved is greater than John the Baptist.

The kingdom of God is so powerful that even the person at the bottom of the kingdom is greater than John the Baptist.

When you're crucifying yourself for your mistakes and your failures and your hang-ups and your shortcomings, get a glimpse of how great John was and just say, "Man, if I'm in the kingdom, I'm greater than that!"

If your hand is lifted and you're saved, you have deified John in the past. Here's a man whose life was prophesied about by Old Testament prophets. Yours wasn't. And yet you're greater than him. Here's a man who was filled with the spirit from the womb to be a forerunner for Christ. And yet with all your insecurities, you're greater than him.

Here's a man who is the biological cousin of the Lord of glory. And yet with your crazy insecure, disobeying God every week, if you're saved and filled with the spirit, you are greater than him. Why? Because you're in the kingdom of God. You don't even know who you are.

The Privilege of the Kingdom

You are living right now in an era that people for thousands of years was hoping to see. They were hoping for a day when they would not have to kill animals for making mistakes. You are living in that. They were hoping for a day when they would be filled with the Holy Spirit. You are living in that. They were hoping for a day when the Messiah would come and they would be on the other side of the cross. You are living in that.

And you can't even control what era you would be born in. You don't have nothing to celebrate and give God praise for and be thankful for that you sinned yesterday and don't have to kill an animal today for the sin that you did yesterday.

When I think about the kingdom, I could just weep that I'm in it. The Lord thought I was worth saving to bring me into this thing that people have been believing to see for thousands of years.

Yeah, I got some issues. Philip Anthony Mitchell got some issues. But I'm in the kingdom though. Cheyenne got some issues, but she's in the kingdom though. Shaka got some issues, but she's in the kingdom though. Kenny, you got issues. Yes sir. But you're in the kingdom though. The Lord took you from the dark and put you in the kingdom.

Why you only want to shout for a house, but you won't shout for the fact that you've been saved and placed in the kingdom of God?

The Matter of Gratitude

I walk out my house and think to myself, "Oh, snap. I'm in the kingdom." And I can just burst into tears. When you change the way you think, you will keep finding things to be thankful for. Gratitude will overwhelm your heart.

You keep listening to all this American preaching that makes you feel you've got to get the man, the house, the car, the bag before you can have joy or be thankful. Man, listen to me. If you knew what it was to not be saved, and now you are saved—God has placed you in something that thousands and millions of people believed to see and never saw.

You could not earn your way in. You was not good enough to get in. And with all of your issues and insecurities, God took a piece of himself in the Holy Spirit and he's in you. I'm in the dispensation when God Almighty took up residency in human beings.

I can feel him wooing me and guiding me and leading me and talking to me and helping. Do you know how blessed you are? You think you're blessed because of the household car? Do you know how blessed you are to be in the kingdom of God?

Man, I'm about to cry. Do you know what kind of person I was? Do you know how far you were from God? You really need the next best thing to be thankful?

You can't get a flashback of where he took you from? You don't understand that God is in you and around you and for you? Think about all the years you've been in church, worshiping, never knowing that the Lord in his eyes sees that you're greater than John the Baptist. And not because your work is greater than John's. He says you're greater than him because you have tasted of something John could not taste of: the kingdom of heaven on the back side of the cross.

Man, I be walking around sometimes like, "Yo, I'm saved." I talk to the Lord and he hears my voice. I feel the Holy Spirit leading me and guiding me and helping me make decisions. When my heart is broken, I carry it into God's presence. When I got family who dishonored me, I got brothers and sisters by blood who love me. I got a whole family sitting in the room. We're in the kingdom.

Do you know what the Lord has done for you by putting you in the kingdom? I got people praying for me who are in the kingdom. Got people holding you down in the spirit that you can't see because you're in the kingdom. The Lord is holding back all kinds of things from you that would destroy you because you're in the kingdom.

You go to another level of maturity when you can be thankful for that which is intangible. Anybody can thank God for a stupid phone or a house or car. You can thank him for a bag or business. That's easy stuff. The unbeliever can do that.

But we, drunk on the spirit on the top shelf—we give God thanks and praise. We say we're filled with the spirit. We're in the kingdom of God. That's top shelf. You know what happens in your heart when you can walk out of this room, see the cloud, and say, "God, I'm thankful. God, I'm saved. I'm in the kingdom. You are my Father. You live in me through the person of the spirit. My name is written in heaven. I'm in the kingdom."

You know what happens to a heart that lives that way? You can walk into anything and still have gratitude. You can sit down in anything and still have gratitude. You could be struggling with bills and still have gratitude. You could be going through the most difficult season of your life and still have gratitude. You could be sitting in the middle of a prison and still have gratitude.

The day after I got saved, they took me out of my job at the TSA and I'm sitting in prison the very next day. You had obtained your government clearance and you had felonies on your record. Yeah, I lied on that application. I wasn't saved. I didn't have character like that. The day after I give my life to Christ, I'm sitting in a prison downtown.

No, this is true story. Behind bars full of peace. Put joy in my heart. I see these bars, but something has happened to me. Whatever happens next, I'm going to be okay because I'm in the kingdom now. Whatever your bars are, you're in the kingdom now. You're saved. The hardest work has already been done—rescuing you from darkness.

The Final Message

From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has suffered violence, and violent people have attacked those who are in the kingdom. For all the prophets and the law prophesied until John. And if you are willing to accept it, he is Elijah who has come.

He who has ears to hear, let him hear. But to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplace calling to their playmates:

We played the flute for you and you did not dance. We sang a dirge and you did not come.

For John came neither eating nor drinking. He was holy. And you said he had a demon. Jesus, the Son of man, came eating and drinking, enjoying fellowship. And you say, "Look at him. A glutton, a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners."

The Lord said, "Nothing ain't good enough for y'all people." It don't matter what I do, you still don't accept me. John came and was holy, and in your eyes you call him a devil. I come and have community, and you call me a drunk. Ain't nothing going to satisfy your soul. You're so miserable. Do I got to play tricks to receive your love?

A Prayer for the Discouraged

I want to pray right now over everyone who has ever felt discouraged between what you've been believing God for and what you're actually experiencing. I want to pray for everyone who's battling the tension right now between your expectation of God and your current experience.

I want to pray for everybody to be released from seeing God as a pawn in your story. Stop playing the flute trying to make him dance. Stop singing a dirge trying to make him do what you want. He is God Almighty.

Father, in the name of Yeshua, thank you, Lord. I pray over everyone who's battling discouragement in any area, disillusionment in any area. They've been believing you for something that hasn't happened. Their will may be colliding with yours. It's been on their prayer list for a long time. You haven't moved. I want to pray for everyone who's in the middle of a difficult season of their life and it seems like you're not moving.

I pray for everyone who's been believing you for something for a very long time. I want to pray for everyone who's sitting in a prison cell like John and losing confidence in who you are. Lord, we are your sons and daughters. You are good.

I pray, God, right now, Lord, that you would minister to the heart of every person who is discouraged. Every person who's going through a hardship. Every person who's in a difficult season. Every person who's been believing for something for a long time and it has not happened yet—would you continue to strengthen that heart and strengthen that faith?

I pray right now for a release, God, Lord, of faith to withstand whatever they're dealing with. Hope that tomorrow they will have an expectation for a better future. Love in their heart for you. These three things they must remain.

I come against thoughts of suicide and the spirit of death that is in this room. Father, I pray a release of joy over these your sons and daughters to just be thankful that they're in the kingdom.

Lord, I pray you would snatch right now in this moment everything that is heavy and weighing down our hearts. Whatever it is, would you just snatch it from us in this moment? Change our perspective if you won't change the circumstance.

And Father, would you save the unbeliever in the room right now who is far away from you? They are sinners separated from you. You died so that they can be your children. I pray right now for the unbeliever in the room in their seat that they will surrender their lives to you, telling you they're sorry for their sin. They want to be in the kingdom. They don't want to live apart from you, not another day. I pray for the person that's been in church their whole life and not saved. I pray for the person far away who's not saved.