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Part 17 of 19
The Principle of Forgiveness
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The goal of this series has been to empower you to live by principles and not by pressure. Often pressure shows up to expose what's really inside of you—pressure will either bust the pipe or make diamonds.
Principles are predecisions. Often we wait until we're under pressure to make a decision, but when you have principles, the decisions are already made. If you decide what's right ahead of time, you will decide what's right at the time.
Throughout this series, we've unpacked several foundational principles:
The principle of forgiveness suggests that just because you were affected does not mean you have to become infected.
They betrayed you—that affected you. But just because they affected you does not mean they have to infect you. You may have lost a job—that affected you. But you must not become infected by it.
It's possible to leave a season, but the impact of the season may not leave you. This is how you can leave Egypt, but Egypt is still in you. Sometimes we allow what affected us to infect us.
Jesus teaches his disciples about handling offense and pain. In Matthew 10:14, he gives this instruction: "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to you and your words, leave that home or town. Shake the dust off your feet."
In other words, he's saying: Shake the dust off of you so that the dirt doesn't get in you. It's a sad thing to keep taking old dirt into new seasons, old dirt into new relationships, old dirt into new opportunities.
Dust only builds or grows in three places:
You may go to certain cities and try to speak and help certain people, but they won't receive you. It may break your heart. But you can't allow that dust to go with you into the next chapter.
Some of you think you're in relationships when really you're in residue.
When we do not forgive, we are simply choosing to be dusty over destiny. Be careful when your friends have dusty people in their lives. Be careful when you're in a dusty relationship. Be careful when you go to your job and carry a dusty attitude with you.
Are you going to be dusty or destiny? They broke your heart. Will you prioritize your destiny or the dust?
To choose dust is to settle for immaturity. You were created from dust, and whenever you choose not to forgive, you choose to stay in the form you were before God breathed life into you.
Dusty is when we take the residue of our past into our relationships in the present. Unforgiveness is an infection. It's lethal because a cut may not kill you, but the infection can. An infection from unforgiveness does not always show up in the form of pain—sometimes it shows up like a personality. Just because it's not hurting you doesn't mean it's still not hurting you. This is what happens when we allow our issues to form our identity.
A person who has not allowed forgiveness to enter their heart can become petty. When others bring up someone's name, you bring up what they did.
When people try to help you, you think they're trying to hurt you. You see help as a threat because pain has morphed into paranoia.
When you struggle to accept your flaws or mistakes and you beat yourself up and can't get over it.
Getting your lick back is when you allow the person that broke your heart to break your character. Getting your lick back is when you choose to become like who broke you. Getting your lick back doesn't make it better—it makes you worse.
This is the difference between becoming bitter versus becoming better. We must be careful of revenge because someone or something we'll never be able to get rid of will stay with us.
Instead of getting your lick back, how about taking your life back? Forgiveness means that I have too much in front of me to stay in prison to what's behind me.
Make up your mind that you won't stay stuck in yesterday because you see what God is trying to do in your tomorrow. I dare you to praise God that you're not what you've been through. That you're still not tripping over who lied on you, who broke your heart, who betrayed you.
Forgiveness means to release someone or something that has wronged or offended you. Biblically, it literally means to pardon. In other words, you did the crime, but you don't have to do the time.
You may not be responsible for your hurt, but you are responsible for your healing. The person that hurt you is not coming back to heal you.
Forgiveness is not a doormat. Just because I forgive you does not make me a doormat for you to walk all over.
Forgiveness is not a feeling. We teach biblical forgiveness, not emotional forgiveness. Sometimes you have to learn how to forgive and allow your feelings to catch up. Jesus on the cross, in excruciating pain, said, "Father, forgive them. They don't even know what they're doing."
Forgiveness is not trust. Just because I forgive you does not mean I trust you. Forgiveness is commanded, but trust is earned.
Forgiveness is not avoiding. You cannot improve what you choose to ignore.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. You need to remember so you don't repeat.
Jesus said in Luke 6:37: "Do not judge and you will not be judged. Do not condemn and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven."
You are forgiven at the measure that you forgive. Because God has forgiven us, we must decide to forgive others.
The prophet Hosea provides help for our forgiveness and future. This text reveals that our destiny is not about arriving to a new place, but rather a new point of view.
When the Lord first began speaking to Israel through Hosea, he said: "Go marry a prostitute so that some of her children will be conceived in prostitution. This will illustrate how Israel has acted like a prostitute by turning against me, worshiping other gods."
Hostea had been in prophet school his whole life. Finally, God calls him. God comes calling and says, "You're ready? I'm about to use you."
"Yes, let's do it, Lord. I'm ready!"
And God says, "Go marry a prostitute."
What? I don't think I'm hearing right. That wasn't God. Go marry a prostitute? No, I'm a prophet, not a pimp.
God doesn't just use a prophet's lips. Sometimes God has to use a prophet's life. In this season with this generation of Israel, they have a lot of gifted prophets but no examples.
What if many of us are missing the call of God on our life because we're only limiting God to using our skill when he may want to use our story? Some of us are too ashamed of our story for God to get the glory.
God doesn't want to use your skill. God wants your story. I don't want Israel to see how great you are by how well you shout or serve. I want them to see how great you are by how well you suffer.
He's chosen by God. He's called by God. He's got no student loans, a nice job, his own house, a 401k. He goes to church, loves God, loves people, makes a difference. And God says, "Marry a prostitute."
So he takes her home and cleans her up. He treats her like where she's going, not like where she's been.
This is about Jesus and you. Jesus came into your life, cleaned you up, took you home, provided for you, treated you like where you are going, not where you've been.
Give God a praise break that he saw the best in you when everybody else saw the worst in you. When you were in your crazy state, he said, "You're still called." When you were frustrated, he said, "I got favor on your life."
Don't be ashamed of your dirt. God will pick you up where you are. He doesn't have to wait until you get it all together to use you. He's not just using the prophet; he's also using the prostitute. People could see God in the prophet, but they could see themselves in the prostitute. People will admire your strengths, but connect with your weakness.
God is saying, "I don't want to use your skill. I want to use your story."
He took her home, cleaned her up, and everything was good for a season. They were loving each other, Netflixing and chilling. Then all of a sudden, her old ways start calling her back. She was with Hosea, but her mind was in the streets. The streets were calling. When Hosea went to sleep, she went to the streets. Hosea would wake up like, "Where is my wife?" He would have to go and try to find his wife. One time she's living crazy and he has to come and pull her out of a brothel—no clothes on—and still love her in her mess.
"I know they see you as a prostitute, but I still see you as my wife."
Even in your worst state, God said, "You're still my child. On your worst day, I still see the best in you."
When everybody else was looking down at you and laughing, God said, "No, I'm going to grab you and still love you like you're my child."
Imagine him carrying his wife after she cheated on him with so many different guys. He's carrying her home with tears in his eyes like, "God, I know this can't be it. I've been faithful. I've been fasting. I kept myself and this is what you want me to do?"
That's for the few of you who feel like God is inconveniencing you by what he's calling you to do. You felt like he was going to use you in one way, and now he wants to use you in another way.
Sometimes forgiveness requires letting go of the life you thought you wanted. Sometimes it's letting go of the marriage you thought you would have. Sometimes it's letting go of the child you thought you would raise. It's not letting them go physically—it's letting go of your old expectations. You were expecting this to be something else, but you're not getting back what you expected.
Sometimes the problem is not the person. The problem may be what you're expecting from the person.
She's a prostitute. Many of us look at this text and look down on her. But what I want to suggest is that many of us are being prostituted.
Prostitution is when you become a professional people pleaser. I'm not talking about with your body, but sometimes you keep pleasing people with your time. Prostitution is when you become a professional people pleaser. It's when loving them means losing you. It's confusing having a big heart with an abandoned heart.
When we stop people pleasing, we discover who loves me for me and not me for what I give them. Some people don't love you—they love what you do.
God is using Hosea's story to provide us with the most valuable asset in the relationship.
God is using Hosea's story to provide us with the most valuable asset in the relationship. One of the most valuable assets in a relationship is forgiveness—in friendships, in family, with co-workers, in dating, in marriage, with yourself, and with God.
How far your relationships can go is connected to how much you can let go. Maybe some relationships in your life are not advancing because you still holding on to old hurt. Forgiveness builds your mental, emotional, and spiritual muscles. There are four essentials of forgiveness to help us exercise total forgiveness in our life.
Forgiveness is not just a conversation. Forgiveness is prayer. Jesus teaches us how to pray in Matthew 6:12: "When you pray, pray this. Forgive us our debts as we also forgive our debtors." We are all in debt. Before you even try to forgive other people, seek forgiveness from the Father.
You cannot pray effectively if you don't forgive sincerely. Your prayers may not be answered because you have unforgiveness in your heart. How can you be a prayer warrior and not forgive? How can you pray for someone when you won't forgive them?
If unforgiveness is an infection, forgiveness is a disinfectant. When I say "I forgive you," I'm not just having a conversation with you—I'm also having a conversation with God. This helps you not be a slave to how they respond to your forgiveness, but to how God responds to your forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not just prayer. It's a perspective. Look at Luke 7:47: "I tell you her sins, and they are many, have been forgiven. She has shown so much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows little love." When you've been forgiven for a whole lot, you'll love a whole lot.
We may forgive with our lips, but we don't forgive with our lens. When I say I forgive you, I'm choosing to also see you through the lens of forgiveness. When you look at someone, don't choose to see them through the lens of pain, but through the lens of forgiveness. This will transform your life.
Sometimes we limit forgiveness to lip service, but forgiveness should give you a new set of eyes. Yes, you hurt me, but I choose to see you through the lens of forgiveness.
Hosea had the capacity to see Gomer through the lens of forgiveness. He picked her up. He brought her home. And he still set a boundary. He said, "Hey, I forgive you, but for a season, don't touch me and don't touch nobody else. We're going to consecrate ourselves. We're going to seek God." He forgave her while also setting limits: "I forgive you, but I don't trust you as much yet. But I still choose to see you through the lens of forgiveness."
Sometimes when you can't change the picture, you must change the frame. No matter how much Hosea looked at the picture of his wife cheating on him, it was going to be the same picture every time. But reframing is when you take old frames off the picture and put new frames on to see the same thing in a different way.
I've had to walk through so many heartbreaks and heartaches—breakdowns in my marriage, breakdowns in my family, breakdowns in ministry. I felt like Hosea for a certain season. I kept having to allow God to use my story while other people watched me suffer. Sometimes you're going to have to learn how to forgive people that did you wrong.
Sometimes it's saying: "I forgive you even if I don't get an apology." It means that I cannot be addicted to closure because for some of us who we need to forgive may not be living anymore. Forgiveness is not about them. It's about you.
Forgiveness is not an event. It's a journey. I may forgive you today. I may get home and need to forgive you before I go to bed again.
Peter asked Jesus, "How many times should we forgive somebody?" Jesus said, "Watch this, not seven times, but 70 times 7." In other words, you forgive them as much as you need to get free. Forgiveness is not about them. It's about your freedom.
Sometimes you'll forgive someone for what they did and get triggered by somebody else and get mad at them again. Then you're going to have to forgive them again. "Hey, I let it go. I forgive you. I'm not going back. We're going to keep it moving, which means I'm not going to keep bringing it up whenever it comes up."
I know I'm talking to a couple right now that's been having the same argument a thousand times. That's because somebody is struggling with forgiveness.
In this process, you must never allow a trigger to become a trap. A trigger is not an excuse to be unforgiven. A trigger should tell you about you, not about others. When you're triggered, you should say, "What's going on in me that I'm still bothered by this?"
I'm 45 now and I'm still bringing up what my mom didn't do when I was five. I need to let some stuff go with tears in my eyes. I need to let it go.
Forgiveness is a principle, and principles unlock promises. Forgiveness unlocks favor.
Joseph had been betrayed by his brothers. He had been betrayed by so many different people throughout his life. Potiphar's wife lied on him and got him thrown in prison. Friends forgot about him. When he finally got out and his brothers who tried to kill him came along, he forgave them. And everywhere he went, favor followed him. The deeper the forgiveness, the greater the favor.
What favor is being held up over your life because you won't let some stuff go?
Job lost everything—his health, family members, property, assets. His wife said, "Just curse God and die." Friends began to say, "Maybe you're the problem." And when he finally forgave his friends, God gave him double everything he lost. We can't shout over the double if we're not going to apply the forgiveness.
Jesus forgave you on the cross. And the Father gave him a crown. He came to save all these people who were killing him. "Father, forgive them." In other words, "I don't need my lick back because I'm about to level up."
Do I have anybody in the room or online today that's making up in your mind that you won't settle for who hurt you? But you're going to level up and use your losses as a lesson. Make up in your mind and in your heart: no matter how much it hurt, I will forgive. I will let it go. I will not take old baggage into new blessings.
