How Anxiety Actually Works

Anxiety starts with a real, regular moment. You're at work, maybe it's Monday, and the boss comes up to you: "Hey, can I meet with you?" You say sure. "Let's do Friday at 4:45."

And then it begins. That was weird. Why do they want to meet Friday at 4:45? It's probably nothing. But then you remember you heard someone was losing their job. It's probably nothing. But what if I do lose my job? The bills are tight...

Then you get home. It's dinner time and your kids are out, so you text them — and they don't answer. What in the world? It's probably nothing. They're okay. But what if they're not? I never liked that group of friends. I didn't say anything because I was trying to be calm, trying to be cool. It's probably nothing.

Then the doctor calls: "We got your test results back. Could you come in?" It's probably nothing. It's not a big deal. But what if it is a big deal? What if I lose my spouse, and my job, and I have to raise these kids by myself? I didn't have anybody there for me...

Okay. It's going to be fine. At least I've got church on Sunday. And you show up, and you sit up close for worship, and you hide the anxiety underneath your nice clothes.

The Spiral That Feeds Itself

This is how you get anxious about things you weren't even thinking about. It's a lot of people's social media life: Life is great, life is good. Then you see something on Instagram and think, Maybe life isn't that good. Maybe I do need to be worried.

And it spreads. Now people are adjusting and worried. Your kids are afraid, so your family is afraid, so the church is afraid. Even pastors get on stage and spin the circle wider, until you're thinking, Maybe I'm not reading my Bible enough. Maybe I'm not Christian enough. Maybe I didn't raise my kids well enough. Maybe God is going to leave me.

Here's what I've realized about anxiety: we will spin these circles our whole lives.

Don't Fight the Smoke — Follow It to the Fire

Here's what firefighters do. My beef isn't with all this smoke — but I do have to follow it back. If I want to find the fire, I don't fight the smoke.

So you sit down and trace it. What was I thinking about? Hold on... it was the kids. No, it was the job. Then the family. Then... This is exhausting work. This is why counseling gets tiring. This is why some of you choose not to deal with your emotions — because it feels easier to just act like it didn't happen, to escape, to doom scroll, to ignore it.

But if you want to find where your anxiety is coming from, you have to follow that thing — no matter how long it takes, no matter how frustrating it is. Track it down.

This is why you need friends in your life who can say: "I noticed your attitude changed. When did you get snappy, when did you get short? It happened around when that disappointment at your job hit."

If you will follow the smoke long enough, it will lead you to the actual fire. And when you find the fire, then you can fight the actual fire — instead of running around dealing with stuff you can't change anyway.

The Lie Anxiety Tells You

That's the lie about anxiety. Anxiety tells you that worrying about it is changing it. But worrying about it can't change it. Worrying can't do anything about it.

And honestly, you're worried about stuff you can't control — that you weren't controlling and never will be able to control.

But here's what you can control: you can sit down next to the fire and realize what's really going on.

• The real fire is: I'm afraid my kids will make the same mistakes I made. That's why I control them, scream at them, overcorrect them, talk to a five-year-old like they're twenty-five. I moved us out of that neighborhood, out of that state, so they wouldn't have my life — and somehow those habits landed right back in this child, and I don't know what to do. Let's talk about that. Let's bring that to the altar.

We like to come to the altar and just say, "Just pray for me." For what? Just some things. I'm not mad at you — I'm just saying there's a real fire we can deal with. There's something you're actually afraid of.

• The real fire is: you're afraid something is fundamentally broken in you. That's why you're still single. Everyone else seems to have the missing puzzle piece and you don't, so you conclude, I guess I'm just unlovable. You're not really mad at men. You're not mad at the dating apps. You had some bad experiences, and they're real — but what you're actually afraid of is that because your dad wasn't there, no man will ever be there. Let's fight that fire.

Fight Fire With a Better Fire

Here's where I want to deviate from traditional firefighting. There's a saying: you can't fight fire with fire. But that's not how it works in the Kingdom.

The only way to fight fire is with fire. The only way to get rid of the fire of fear is to get a better fire.

And the best thing about this fire? It has no smoke.

Ask Moses as he walks up to a burning bush — it's on fire, but it's not being consumed. The only reason you get smoke is because something is being burned up. But the fire of God, when it gets on the inside of you, is different.

When you get the fire of God that knows who you are... that knows God chose you before you did anything... that says God will protect you whether you make your bed in the heights or find yourself in the pit of hell — He will be there for you.

Our God Owns Fire

It's the only reason the early church made a difference — because it had a better fire. A fire that had them in jail bragging about it. A fire that had them chased down and unworried.

The only way the church will make the difference it was meant to is if we find a better fire — a fire that purifies, a fire that leads, a fire that protects.

Our problem in Christianity is we think the devil owns fire. We say, "It's fiery," and think something bad is happening — I'm going through a burning season, the devil's going to get me. No. Read this book and you'll find out real quick who owns fire:

• Elijah calls down fire from heaven.
• Moses saw the fire in the burning bush — it was God, the Holy Spirit.
• Tongues of fire fell on the early church, empowering them to speak in a different language.

You don't have to be worried about fire, because our God owns fire — and He'll put a fire on the inside of you that has you walking in boldness and confidence, knowing who you are.

Take a New Grip

You don't have to duck the smoke. For some of you, anxiety has tried to punk you — and I know that feeling. It'll have you running in circles about things that never happened. That's what's even worse about anxiety: you're out here fighting a battle that hasn't happened yet. Well, what if they say this, and I say that, and then they leave me? That hasn't happened yet.

Let's go back to the real question: What are you actually afraid of? What are you actually missing out on? Let's talk about that.

Let me read you something from the book of Hebrews:

As you endure divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own child. For who ever heard of a child who was never disciplined by its father? If God doesn't discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are not really his children at all... Our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God's discipline is always good for us... No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening — it's painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong. — Hebrews 12 (NLT)

Here's all I want to say: just take a new grip.

Some of you have been so anxious. You've got a decision to make and you've been so worried — What if I make the wrong one? What if I do the wrong thing? What if I'm not enough?

Let's just take a deep breath. Let's follow the smoke. What's the actual fear? And let's give that to God. Let's give our actual fear to God.