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Part 16 of 19
The Courage to Commit Series
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We are in the midst of a series entitled The Courage to Commit Volume 2, I Got the Keys. I'm hearing people say, "Pastor Mike, you've got so many keys and so many principles. Every time I turn around, it's up, it's up, it's stuck. But I can't help but get excited."
This isn't just a sermon series. I'm going to prophesy: this is a book. This is a devotional. It's a mini series worth of vlogs. It is changing and revolutionizing so many people's lives, and I believe it's worth repeating. So each week, whether it's me or Pastor Darius, we're going to stand right here and say what we feel God is calling us to say, even if it takes us 15 weeks all the way back to the beginning.
What's the foundation? The principle of generosity: a heart that's willing to give that leads to a life that freely gives. I am a giver. It's easy for me to teach about it because nothing changes—it's my heart. It's who I am. Giving is what I do.
I told you 3 weeks ago that repetition breeds revelation. The more you do it, the more you discover or the more that is revealed to you.
I'm looking at people in this room—from nurses to doctors to reporters to artists to activists to executives to entrepreneurs to teachers. Every person in this room testifies to the fact that the more you begin to do what it is you do, the more you learn about what you do.
The more you do what you do, the more you learn about what you do. That's the first point.
Point number two: The more you do what you do, the more you learn about what it takes to do what you do.
Point number three: The more you do what you do, the more you understand about the things that come with assisting what you do.
When I was younger, my preaching was so fast. I thought the quicker I got to the shout, the better the message was. But the older I get, I don't mind taking my time because I know where I'm going. It's almost like going out of town on vacation. The first time you go to Orlando to Disney World, you're panicking because you don't know the freeways, the highways, where the restaurants are. But after you've been three or four times, you don't even pack the same way. You just say, "No, I'll get that when I get there. There's a Walmart on the third street to the left." Because I know more about what I do.
The more I preach about the principle of generosity, the more I'm discovering about generosity, and there is a pro and a con to everything I teach.
The pro: I'm raising up a generation of people who have a heart that's willing to give that leads to a life that freely gives.
The con: If you don't have the principle of discernment, you're freely giving to people who don't deserve it.
What I'm realizing is that these principles do not work isolated from the others. Your life is the remote, but without the batteries, the remote is useless. This message or this series is not a la carte. It's a combo.
You cannot have the principle of generosity but not have a mindset principle. What I believe is that breakthrough is NOT when you get a promotion. Breakthrough is when you understand why you broke and how you can flip the season that you're in. Everybody wants to go to another level. True breakthrough is when you can say, "God, if you never take me off this level, I've learned how to maximize the level that I'm on." It's called breakthrough.
Then we talked about the principle of discernment: our ability to recognize the difference between what's dead and what's dormant.
Then we talked about the principle of the detour: God can use an undesired route to get you to a desired result.
Then last week we talked about something that flipped everybody's mindset: the principle of honor.
The principle of honor suggests that how I express the value of others determines if I experience favor or famine.
Favor is not just something that is applied to every individual, but rather favor is something that you acquire not because of who you are now, but because of who God is calling you to be later. God never grants you favor for what you're currently in. He grants you favor because what you were before you got in it was the proof that he was about to take you where he's calling you.
What I've discovered is stark: the places in my life where I did not express honor, I ended up experiencing horror.
Let me paint a picture for you:
Now you get a picture of what happens in your life if you choose honor or dishonor. The places you choose to dishonor, you turn that person into a villain or into a monster who is hell-bent on destructing your life. They take what was supposed to be a blessing. Now your life becomes a nightmare and you live in horror. Most of our relationships are horror-full because there was no honor.
You can either be honorable or horrible.
When honor is low, faith is slow. When there is no honor, faith is low, and low faith produces disbelief. Disbelief blocks your ability to connect. When God wants to perform a miracle in you, there's one ingredient you've got to bring: faith. God's not going to deliver you and fight you at the same time.
I discovered something while teaching my babies how to swim. The swim instructor told me one of the number one causes of drowning is trying to save somebody who can't swim. The average person who jumps in the water to save somebody from drowning dies—even though they know how to swim. It's not because they don't know how to swim; it's because they don't have the time to swim because the person who is not equipped is so busy trying not to die that they end up pushing them underwater trying to save themselves.
Which is why you've got to be careful who you connect with. If you're trying to get where God is calling you to be, but you're connected to people who don't honor you, don't respect you, and don't see you for who you are, while they're trying to save themselves, they will end up killing you.
You do not properly understand honor until you have to give it to somebody who's horrible. You don't properly understand honor until you have to submit it to somebody who's horrible.
David blesses my life, and maybe the depth of David's anointing was matched by the depth of his honor. See, maybe God knew he could take David high because he remained exceptionally low when Saul was trying to kill him. David said, "If I wanted to kill you, I could have. While you were asleep or in this cave, I was right behind you. And if I did not honor you, I..."
Conversely, we see Noah who's drunk in a tent, and his blood doesn't honor him. So his blood tends to uncover him.
I see two men who are absolutely in the wrong. But I see one person whose blood uncovers him, and another one who's not his kin who covers him. That lets me know that honor does not require blood. It requires humility.
People are so quick to talk about how weak you are and don't have a clue. I may be perceived weak to you, but the people who call me weak understand that at any moment, if I did not honor you, I could have blown all this up in the first place because I know. I've heard some stuff. I know some stuff. And the only thing keeping me from going as crazy on you is the fact that unlike you, I possess [honor].
Can I give you a new principle today? This is good.
The principle of boundaries suggests that you cannot be everything to everybody. Jesus teaches us this principle because Jesus lived a life of boundaries.
Jesus broke his relationships down into levels:
Three represents the core. These are the people who see him transfigured. These are the people who can handle not just what I do, but who I truly am.
Three is the core. Twelve is the circle. Seventy is collaboration. Five hundred is community. Five thousand is the crowd.
Outside of each level, there's an admission. To each level is a cost. I had somebody tell me, "Pastor Mike, I don't know how crazy your concerts would be. We went to one concert with 4,000 people." I said, "Yeah, but I've yet to sell a ticket."
I'm discovering that there are certain areas of your life where you keep thinking your circle is strong, but the admission is free. If it doesn't cost you anything to leave me, then that determines the level at which I can let you have access. If it don't cost you nothing to leave, I can't risk putting you that close.
What am I trying to get you to realize? You might say, "Pastor Mike, I just want to be close to you." I'm so sorry. You don't have enough to pay to get into that circle, and I'm not talking about financially. I'm talking about you haven't sold enough tears. You haven't prayed and fasted with me enough. You haven't interceded for me enough. You haven't seen me on the floor. You've only seen me at the mountain.
People who deserve you at the mountain—that's the 5,000. But keep in mind, when Jesus gets to a point where he's about to lose it, he tells the three, "Come here."
Somebody might ask, "Pastor Mike, why did he give me so many skills? Why did he give me discernment, wisdom, knowledge, and gifting for a plethora of areas if I can't use them for everybody?"
I'm so glad you asked. Any good cook knows that when it's really time to cook, you've got to know where all your stuff is. If you've spent all your time playing in the kitchen, you might get ready to cook, but then you don't know what certain stuff is. So now you're burning stuff that you know how to cook because you're spending too much time looking for stuff that's out of place.
That's why some of us are so stressed out. Your discernment that you need for this level is stuck in a conversation it should have never been in. Your wisdom for your next season is depleted because you've been up all night talking to people who ain't going to take the advice even if you wanted them to.
God gives you all those skills not so you can be spread thin but so you could be whole and effective for when it's your season to walk in all of it.
I'm about to free some of you so you won't have no pressure: I cannot be everything to everybody. As a matter of fact, this is so important that I'm giving you permission to screen record this. If you need to post it on your page because you're too kind-hearted to say it yourself, here it is:
Attention, whoever is on this page: the person whose page you're on does not have the strength or the courage in this capacity to tell you this, so they brought me on their page to say it for them. As of this day, I now realize I cannot be everything to everybody. I tried to give you advice, but you were hell-bent on doing what you want to do. I tried to be there for you. I laid there and cried with you, but you continue to walk back into stuff that almost drove you crazy. So do me a favor: since you ain't going to listen and receive what I'm trying to do anyway, may the Lord watch between me and thee while we're absent one from another. But for the people who are ready to take advantage of all that God has placed in me, get ready to go to another level.
What I've discovered is going to free seven of y'all from pressure. I cannot be everything to everybody. The life of Jesus is essential at showing us that we owe everybody love but we do not owe everybody equal access. That's rich right there.
I want to free you because seven of y'all keep letting people guilt you into levels they should have never been on because they keep telling you stuff like "it's not fair." But here's what scripture says:
Romans 13:8 - Owe nothing to anyone except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor you will fulfill the requirements of God's law.
God never said they had to be close. He said you just got to love them. And they don't get to determine what love looks like.
We spend too much time trying to give people what God never even commanded you to give them. Does God not love everybody? Yes. Is everybody going to make it in? No. Access ain't guaranteed. God said He's not even going to give everybody access to heaven. Why you giving everybody access to your peace?
I'm pressing no on people. ACCESS DENIED. My peace is too important. My joy is too important. My favor is too important. My future is too important. My destiny is too important to allow people who have not been proven to have access.
Someone will say, "Pastor Mike, that ain't God." You're right. My God said in Proverbs 4:23:
Above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.
Scripture consistently informs us about the need of boundaries. I owe you nothing but to love you. I do not owe you access.
You don't have to get to know me. They don't have to get to know you. We don't have to be friends at church. I want to be a community of people who love each other, but just because I sit next to you on Sunday, just because I sing on stage with you—that doesn't mean who you're dating and where you live and what you like to do in your personal time has anything to do with people you just see once a week for 30 minutes. Why you giving a 30-minute person 24-hour day access when truth be told, you really don't even know who you're standing next to?
This is why we think we all experience church hurt. We experience church hurt because we are giving access to people that we should have been in assignment with. We chose to be personal. And if I choose to be personal, you hurt me. The church didn't hurt me.
What I'm trying to free the church from is this illicit ideology that suggests I can walk around boundary-less and every attack that comes is the devil. The scripture says:
An angry man is like a city without walls.
In other words, a person who is always angry is boundary-less. This is why 1 Corinthians 15:33 says:
Do not be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.
Boundaries are not about giving up on people but giving people up to God. The reason you need boundaries is because if you don't set a proper boundary, you're going to be trying to do God's job. It ain't your job to deliver them. It's your job to deliver them to the One who can bring them out. He didn't say "If you be lifted up," but He said "If I be lifted up." The problem is when you try to be the one that they are coming to, you now put yourself in direct opposition of God.
Without boundaries, the people that mean the most to you get the least from you.
There are levels. There are levels. There's levels. There are certain people I trust with my nakedness that I'll tell a joke around. I'll laugh around. Conversely, sometimes the people I trust to have fun with, I wouldn't trust with my kids.
Deacon Corey got a level of trust from me that's so deep that if anything was to happen to me, I trust him with my family. "Corey, every time I hit the road, if something happens, you make sure you take care of the boys. Watch the boys." That's another level of trust.
On another level, I trust Tiffany in a way I don't trust nobody else. If I feel tormented, I'm going to tell Tristan. I'm not going to tell the prayer team. Now, if Tristan tells the prayer team, he is no longer qualified to have that level of access to me.
Boundaries are not about rejection but responsibility. Boundaries are about responsibility. When you fail to set a boundary, you say to God, "I'm irresponsible." If I do not set and keep boundaries, I'll never own what belongs to me.
In certain places in my life right now, I'm closing the circle regardless of how people feel about it. No, you're not going to make me feel bad because you've proven to me there's a certain boundary. I just don't want to rock with you like that.
People are so fake that even when you be sincere, they think you're tripping. Fake people will say, "No, you're my girl. Man, you're my guy. Oh, that's bestie. Them my folks right there." Then they get in another conversation and dog you out. But then a good person walks up to you and says, "I love you so much. I just don't rock with you like that." Then you look at them and say, "Oh, they think they better than everybody else." Because the culture has conditioned our ear that we feel as if anything that is not what we desire is wrong.
If I don't set a boundary, am I saying to God, "I am irresponsible"? Yes. And when I prove to God that I am irresponsible, that makes me replaceable. Every person in the Bible who was irresponsible and did not set boundaries, we saw them be replaced.
The reason David lost his child is because he did not have a boundary. He should have been at battle but he's at home on the balcony. He sends for Bathsheba—that should have been some level of boundaries.
A boundary is when I place a person or restrictions around me that protect me from me. Did you catch that? That's a boundary.
If I ever meet with you—anybody in this room, male or female—the door's going to be open. That's a boundary. Every 4 or 5 minutes, somebody's going to walk past the door. That's a boundary because if we're in a room and the door's closed and 30 minutes pass, you can leave and say whatever you want to say happened in that room. Now I'm having to defend myself publicly knowing good and well nothing happened but I didn't have a boundary.
You got an alarm on your house because you love it. You got an alarm on your car because you love it. But when it comes to your peace, your name, and everything else that comes with you, there are no boundaries.
Do you want to be replaceable? Then set boundaries.
Whenever I do too much in front of people, whether I like it or not, their perception of me is going to change. That doesn't mean they're going to leave. That just means even if they stay, they're going to perceive things a little different.
What I'm now having to do—and a lot of people watching are going to have to start doing—is going to be very painful. You're going to have to start setting boundaries to people who had access. That's the hard part.
Take for instance this recording. When we came upstairs to record, I took all of those people out of the room. Not because something was wrong with them, but because there's something wrong with me. You have no idea that when I came up to preach today, it almost ruined praise and worship. My microphone went crazy. It got so bad we had to stop everything and figure it out.
I don't have the patience, the temperament, or the maturity to have all my people standing here when stuff is going wrong. With that many people in the room, if a mistake happened, I'm going to start fussing. I'm going to act a fool because I never want my people to see something that's not of excellence. So to protect me from dishonoring the people who love me, I said, "I don't want nobody in here except for the people who've seen me panic."
You know what I discovered? The people understand. They'll say, "Pastor Mike, now that you said that, I respect that." The people who just want to be in the room may be in their feelings. That's not my responsibility.
Had you been in the room when this happened last week and I had to tell Dre, "Dre, don't do that again," you would have gone home like, "Pastor Mike was mean to Dre." Now you're sitting at home like, "I did not know he was that mean." Ain't no pregnancy pretty. When the bullets are flying, feelings don't matter. Just tough it out. We're trying to figure it out.
Now I know me, and because I know me, I know what to set around me.
In the physical world, a fence represents a boundary. In the spiritual world, fences are invisible, but you can create a strong fence with your words. Here's how to spell it: No. That's it. That's everything.
The most basic boundary-setting word is no. No is an invisible fence and no is a complete sentence. There are some places in our lives where we got to learn how to say no.
Have you ever said to yourself, "This is a lot"? When you say "this is a lot," it is the sign that you may need to set or shift your boundaries with a lot in your life.
Whenever you feel like what they're bringing you is a lot, you got to set a boundary with that Lot. That person is the Lot, which is why you feel like it's a lot. When there's a lot in your life, you need to separate from that Lot.
Abram, who has not yet become Abraham, is struggling because he needs to separate from a Lot in his life. Genesis 13:8-9 says:
So, Abram said to Lot, "Let's not have any quarreling between you and me or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. Is not the whole land before you? Let's part ways. Let's part company. If you go to the left, I'll go to the right. And if you go to the right, I'll go to the left."
In chapter 13, they're fighting, but in chapter 12, God told Abram something critical:
I will make you a great nation and I will bless you. I will make your name great and you will be a blessing.
"I will make you," which is singular, "a great nation," which is plural. Your children are going to be blessed. Your grandchildren are going to be blessed. Everything that's under you didn't come out of you. So anything that submits to you will be blessed.
This is why you can't play about who your pastor is and what church you're connected to. Like him sometimes, hate him sometimes, but I know the favor of God rests on his life, which means everything connected to him shall be great.
But in order for God to do this in your life, you've got to set boundaries. The best is yet to come.
Blessings don't come without boundaries. God promises great things—"I will make you a great nation and I will bless you. I will make your name great and you will be a blessing." But there's only one prerequisite: you must disconnect.
God told Abram, "Get out from your country, your family, and your daddy's house." Yet what happened? "Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev with his wife and everything he had and Lot went with him." Lot represents what we prioritize when we choose what's familiar over faith.
Here's the hard question: Who have you allowed to come with you who should have stayed back? You don't get the promise without stressing over the journey. This isn't about being mean—it's about being obedient.
We need faith not only for blessings, but faith for boundaries. Perhaps God didn't tell Abram exactly where he was going because He knew Abram's heart would tell his family, and they'd all follow. God said, in effect, "I know you don't have boundaries. I'm only giving you half the information. You start moving first."
What we fail to separate from in one season may cause us to suffer in another season. Can I ask you: Are you currently suffering because of something you should have been separated from?
This is why it matters deeply to me when someone leaves our church. I'm human. It ruins my whole day. But I've discovered something critical: If God is really trying to pull somebody away from you, and you stand in between what God is doing, you become His opposition. When you really love somebody, you realize that if you're the hindrance, you have to love them past what you need from them.
Boundaries aren't about rejection—they're about responsibility. When you set boundaries, you're being responsible. That's important because boundaries protect us from losing physical, spiritual, and emotional assets.
Let me make this practical. If you keep eating like you're crazy and have a heart attack, you set a food boundary. My weight is proof that my boundary is low. Now that opportunities are coming—movie sets, performance opportunities—I have to get serious about boundaries I should have set long ago. You don't have to get ready; you stay ready.
In Genesis 13, the land couldn't support Abram and Lot while they stayed together—their possessions were so great. They weren't enemies. Their staffs were fighting, but not them. But the space was too small for what both of them were becoming.
A sign that it's time to set new boundaries is when we lack the motivation to keep old connections. When Abram told Lot, "Let's part company," notice he never tried to make Lot stay. Why? Because Abram realized that even though he'd tried to change what God said by bringing Lot along, it doesn't change what God said. God told him not to bring his family in the first place.
Just because people leave your presence doesn't mean they leave your heart. Just because assignments change doesn't mean we have to be at odds. Detachment shouldn't be grounds for disrespect. It only becomes messy when you have to find a reason to do it.
What if the person in your life is showing up as present frustration because of past expectations? The unhealthiest expectations are unaddressed expectations.
I ask people directly: "What do you want from me?" Tell me. I can't do what I can't do. I had to have hard conversations about what I can and cannot provide, what doors I will and won't open. Once we have that talk, we know exactly where we stand.
This applies everywhere. I told my boys who want to be Division 1 football players: "As of right now, you don't deserve it. You ain't put enough work in. Not fast enough. Not big enough. Not strong enough. What are you going to do with that information?" The result? Now they're in the weight room constantly. Machines going, music playing. They've got real expectations.
Many of us thought opportunities would just show up. Nobody told us we had to have a highlight tape, be on the recruiting websites, do the work. So now we're depressed because we thought success would appear out of nowhere.
Unexpressed expectations won't get met. In every area of your life, you must express your expectation. Whether someone can meet it is up to them. If they say "No, I can't do that," then you have truth. From there, you negotiate: "Well, can you do this?" If they keep saying no, you reach a point where neither of you serves a purpose in each other's life.
That's when it may be time to separate. And that's real.
If you're feeling in your heart of hearts that God is calling you to make a detachment, and there is a guaranteed promise on the other side of that detachment, you have to trust God. You are forfeiting your destiny because you're worried about people who are just as unhappy as you are.
It may be painful. It may hurt. But if God is calling you to it, He has something better waiting.
Abram had to evaluate what he needed for who he was becoming. I want to ask you this question—and I want you to pray about it all week: Do I currently have what I need for who I'm becoming?
I'm realizing there's too much power coming from this stage to not have something in place. When God moves, it needs to be ready to go. If I'm saying he's going to produce for the world, I'm saying he's going to play for the world. That means when somebody calls and needs something, they've got a key, they press the button, boom—they go in the studio and knock out what they need. That's a benefit of being connected to who they're connected to.
What I'm discovering is if I can't give you a lot, I can cut out a lot for you. I'm trying to figure out what I need for what I'm becoming. I say things like I'm the city's pastor. I really feel in my heart God is calling me to pastor this generation of creatives.
Abram had to evaluate who was around him that may not need access to Abraham. You do know Abram becomes Abraham. So Abram, who is present, had to think about Abraham, who is future. He had to think: "They can't come with me to that season." Abram is a father. Abraham is the father of many nations. If they can't handle sharing him with them, they won't handle his expansion.
What I've discovered is the people you know the most can't see it. They're too close. There needs to be a new boundary.
TJ said something to me the other day that impacted me. He was like, "Man, I started to call you, but I can't just act like you ain't Pastor Mike Jr." I was like, "What do you mean?" He said, "No, I see it. I'm not finna just treat you like you're not him." I was so honored because he placed a boundary—he saw who God was crafting me to be.
But then I had to move the boundary out the way. See, there's certain people like Candace who call me and say, "Pastor, I need to talk to you right now." Uh-oh. Door open. Boom. Boundary come in. Slam door behind you. Somebody else calls, "I need to talk to you right now." Get with Leslie. Get with Leslie. I don't feel bad for that. I got to guard my peace.
I suffer with ADHD. If anything goes wrong or shifts my emotions, I'm done for the rest of the day. I have to guard certain things that I know are wrong with me. When I'm in a mode to go deep emotionally, I can go deep emotionally—but I can't do nothing else for the rest of the day. I'm going to mourn all day. The Bible says mourn with those who mourn. So I have to be in the right mind place to hug somebody and say "I understand" when you really do.
I'm learning in this season of my life: Mike, help put boundaries in place so the future me can be proud.
Abram had to eliminate access that could become a doorway to going back home. Lot represents strong connections of the past that God wants to shift, but you allowed to stay. Sometimes we can't find the right people until we eliminate the wrong people.
I'm a football fan. You know that if you don't stay in bounds, the ref is going to blow the play dead. You ever seen somebody running the ball and they break loose, and out of nowhere you hear a whistle? Then they replay and say, "Oh, they stepped outside the boundary."
On this side of the boundary, I can play the game. On this side of the boundary, I can watch the game. And you know what I discovered? The people who are playing the game are spending too much time worried about the people talking about the game. You may not be where you want to be, but you're at least in the game. A hater ain't never took a risk, never stepped out on faith. A hater tries to talk you off or out your game.
In this season of your life, get some boundaries.
Wherever you're watching from right now, I want to admonish you and encourage you to set some healthy boundaries in your life. I see principles throughout the Bible that we can take and make applicable to our everyday life. Whenever there is no boundary, we become irresponsible. Boundary is not about rejection. It's about responsibility.
You're healing right now? You need to set some boundaries. What's a healthy boundary for you? You don't need to be dating right now. Why are you dating while you're healing? Dating while you're healing is equivalent to allowing somebody in the operating room before the surgeon closes you up. You're exposed. You've got wounds. You're not ready to be touched. You're ready to be spoken to. Ready to be around. You're sensitive. Set a boundary.
Maybe you keep saying "I'mma buy a house." You need to set a boundary. Protect your credit. Save your money. Set boundaries.
Only the immature and the bitter view boundaries as punishment. When a person really loves you and you both have a clear conversation about what you feel and what you desire, they can't help but respect the boundaries that you're trying to place in your life.
A tithe is a boundary. God said, "Give and it will come back to you good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over." If you keep reading, it talks about the different things that try to infiltrate the boundary. Tithing is a boundary. It protects the rest of what God has given you.
