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Spiritual Maturity: Children, Young Men, and Fathers
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I want to help you be intentional about pursuing maturity. If you just arrived for this session, I encourage you to watch the previous talk first—you'll need that foundation to understand what we're covering today.
Today we're exploring three distinct stages of spiritual development, and I want to give you practical next steps for your own journey. Think of maturity like building a three-story building: you don't start the second floor until there's enough of the first floor to support it. The same is true spiritually—different parts of your life mature at different rates, and that's normal.
The first stage is about knowing God as Father. This requires embracing the spirit of adoption.
You are no longer servants; you are sons and daughters. You have been adopted into the family of God. (Galatians 4)
This was revolutionary when Jesus came. In the Old Testament, God is called "Father" only about five times. In the New Testament, it's over 250 times. Jesus introduced us to an intimate relationship with God—not as slaves, but as beloved children.
Jesus modeled this perfectly. He didn't pull on divine power; instead, he became fully human. The book of Hebrews tells us he "learned obedience through what he suffered." He served his earthly father Joseph as a carpenter's apprentice, learning obedience to his earthly father so he could obey his Heavenly Father.
We need the same training. Many of us have broken concepts of fatherhood because of our own fathers. That's why we need spiritual mothers and fathers in our lives—people who speak truth into us, sometimes cutting away what we don't need, helping us learn to live as sons and daughters.
Both sons in this story had orphan thinking. The younger son demanded his inheritance and left. When he returned, broken, he expected to be treated as a servant. But the father didn't negotiate—he:
The older brother had performance thinking: "I've worked hard for you. You never gave me even a goat." He was waiting to be rewarded. But the father said, "Everything I have is yours"—it was already his, as an inheritance.
First: Embrace adoption. You must know you belong to God's family, not by works, but by grace.
If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
When you gave your heart to Jesus, you became a new creature. The old nature was put away. But here's the challenge: what feels true isn't always true. You may feel like a sinner, but God calls you a saint. You're not prone to sin anymore—you're prone to righteousness.
You are no longer slaves to sin because you have a new master: righteousness. (Romans 6)
Second: Learn your new identity. In Ephesians 4:22-24, Paul tells us to lay aside the old self and put on the new self, created in the righteousness and holiness of Christ. When you died with Christ, were buried with Christ, were raised with Christ, and are now seated with Christ in the heavenlies, you're united with the one who sits far above all rule, authority, power, and dominion.
Your authority is not your own. It's His authority. (Ephesians 2:5-6)
You're so intertwined with Jesus that his position is your position.
Third: Live free from condemnation.
There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ. (Romans 8:1)
The Holy Spirit brings conviction—that's his voice calling you toward righteousness. Condemnation is the enemy's voice, filling you with shame. Learn to recognize the difference.
Fourth: Pursue life-giving relationships. As a child, you must learn to live in community. Some of us were trained by fear, not love. Our parents gave conditional love: "I love you when you're good." That creates a fear-based identity where you can't be yourself.
But love-based relationships let you be authentic. When you know you'll be loved regardless, you feel secure enough to share your true feelings. In fear-based relationships, you only share approved feelings, and you feel weaker around those people.
I had an associate pastor who was brilliant but full of fear. When I invited him into my office, all his anxiety rose. He heard everything through filters of fear. His father was a difficult man, I was wearing reading glasses (like his dad used to do), and I was a father figure—so every trigger fired.
We discovered his problem: fear bonds instead of love bonds. Once we knew that, we could work with it. He learned I wasn't attacking him; I was pulling him into his destiny. He eventually became a pastor himself.
If you have a fear-based identity:
Fifth: Move from consumer to contributor. Small children consume—your time, energy, money. As you grow, learn to contribute. Do your chores. Feed yourself. Become responsible.
Sixth: Move from performance to favor. Stop trying to earn God's love. You already have his favor. Live from that reality, not from striving.
Once you're secure as a son or daughter, you move into the young men's stage. Here, you learn to live out of inheritance and abundance.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
The "I can't" disappears from your vocabulary. You learn that Christ is in you, so you're capable.
Young men develop spiritual disciplines—not to earn God's favor, but to train for the mission God has given you.
Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness. (1 Timothy 4:7-8)
Think of an Olympic athlete. They wake up early when they don't feel like it. They train hard. Not to earn the medal—they're training because they're competing. Similarly, we're in a race, and discipline prepares us for victory.
Many approach fasting wrong. They think: "I'll fast so God will act." But Jesus taught something different:
When the bridegroom is with them, his disciples don't need to fast. When he is taken from them, then they will fast. (Matthew 9)
Fasting isn't about getting a breakthrough. Jesus already won the victory. Fasting is about drawing near to God's presence, learning how to walk in the breakthrough he's already given.
Other disciplines include: Thanksgiving, solitude, confession, repentance, forgiveness, fellowship, generosity. Develop these not to impress God, but to equip yourself.
Young men learn to conquer the evil one and understand spiritual authority.
Since I'm under authority, I have authority. (Centurion's confession to Jesus)
Understand your jurisdiction. Jesus has given you authority over specific areas—your family, your workplace, your sphere of influence. You can't walk into every situation and exercise authority. Recognize where God has stationed you.
When you receive a prophetic word, write it down. Pray over it. Build a collection of God's promises for your life and pray them back to Him. Push in for what God has spoken.
Young men create their own support systems. I moved to Texas and immediately sought out a small community of mature believers who could speak into my life. I developed:
The enemy will take you out if you try to do it alone. Don't be a Lone Ranger. Build community around you deliberately.
Fathers and mothers see life from an eternal, Heavenly perspective. They live from Godly character and relate to others as true spiritual parents.
Many have the position of parent but are only older siblings masquerading as mothers and fathers.
A true father or mother:
An older sibling in disguise:
If you're a spiritual parent, ask yourself: Do my spiritual sons and daughters feel safe becoming more anointed than me? Or do I subtly keep them small?
Fathers and mothers relate with unconditional love and reproduce themselves. Sons and daughters don't come looking for you because you enrolled them—they come because they sense something in you worth following.
Maturity isn't a graduation ceremony from one stage to the next. Different parts of your life mature at different rates.
Imagine a wooden barrel made of vertical slats held together by metal rings. The bottom slats represent the child stage, the middle represents young men, and the top represents fathers. What happens? Different slats grow to different heights.
Two things cause a slat to shoot up:
Testing and refinement. God tests you in an area. You go through the fire. That aspect of your maturity accelerates while other areas lag behind.
Spiritual gifting. God gives you motivational gifts—teaching, serving, administration, mercy, prophecy, etc. These gifts produce joy, so you gravitate toward them and naturally excel. But don't confuse giftedness with maturity.
Example: Someone with the gift of teaching loves the word. They read the Bible twice a year, study constantly. They think, "I must be in the young men stage!" Actually, God just graced them with that gift. Others have to work harder at Bible study.
Or someone with the gift of mercy naturally loves people. They think they're a spiritual parent. But maybe they're still developing other areas of their life.
Water poured into a barrel runs out at the lowest slat. Your true maturity level is your weakest area, not your strongest.
I taught this material every year for 15 years in my church. Why? Because people need to know their next step.
If you're a disciple maker, you need to understand how to walk your spiritual sons and daughters through this process. You might be a natural parent, a grandparent, or a spiritual mentor. You have authority and a voice. Use it to help others toward maturity.
If you're on your own journey, be honest about where you are. Don't claim you're a father when you're still learning to be a child. Don't claim you're a young man when you haven't embraced adoption yet.
Holy Spirit, show us where we truly are. Let us see ourselves as you see us—as beloved children in a loving Father's house, destined for transformation so we can transform the world around us. Expose any blockage, any hindrance to our next step. Bring us to healing and wholeness. Amen.
