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My privilege today is to share a message I will be preaching on Mother's Day at Windsor. But I don't want to lock it into being only a Mother's Day message, although it is that too. What I want to talk about is the power of relationships and the incredible examples of relationships in the Bible. And I want to end with a challenge — I don't know any other way of preaching than to challenge myself and to bring a challenge.
This is an unusual Mother's Day for me. It's the first Mother's Day of my life without my mother alive, and without my mother-in-law, as my wife Sue and I have lost both of them in the last six or so months. My mum was 103, and she's celebrating in glory now — an incredible life that she lived. Out of that, I want to pull a couple of thoughts.
Here's the thing about Mother's Day: the greatest sadness today will be the loss or lack of relationships, but the greatest celebration will be because of relationships. Relationships, fellowship, friendship, being sons and daughters — these are not the sideshows of the church. They're not things we add on. In my language, they are the main event.
I want to use one particular example that I love — Jesus on the cross and his words to his mother. Imagine that moment, in the midst of the suffering he had already endured and would endure.
"But standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother, his mother's sister Mary, the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus then saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, 'Woman, behold your son.' Then he said to the disciple, 'Behold your mother.'" (John 19:25)
Can you imagine that in that moment, this was on the heart of the Son of God — his care, his concern, his love for his mother? I particularly love Mary as a character in the Bible. Perhaps because we're so concerned about not worshipping Mary, we miss the Mary of the Bible — this extraordinary, beautiful character. Perhaps instead of praying to Mary, we need to pray like Mary, walking as she did with the beautiful worship and devotion we read in her life.
There she is at the cross, having watched her son being put to death. And here, in the most pivotal moment in history, Jesus — enduring pain, agony, and betrayal — still has a moment to say, "Mum, there's your son. Son, there is your mother." I don't think there could be a better example that at the heart of the Son of God is this stunning beauty of relationships.
I believe we were created for family, for community, for relationships. You know the story of the Garden of Eden and the creation of woman — God says, "It is not good for man to be alone." I don't believe that is just about husband and wife. I believe it's a principle that goes far beyond that.
It's not that being alone is simply a bad idea. It's deeper and more fundamental than that. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit exist in community, and we are made in their image. So when it says, "It is not good for man to be alone," what is really being said is this: the creation fails to meet the standard of the goodness of God unless we live in community.
On the cross, Jesus is not leaving his mother alone. "Mum, you need to know that there is this man John who has walked with me these past three years, who knows me, and I am entrusting you to him so that you are not alone."
My mother passed on January 31st at 103 years of age — a remarkable life. What many people wouldn't know about her is that she lost her own mother at four years of age, and before she was nine she had lost four significant close relatives.
At her memorial, I asked her pastor, "There was no self-pity in her, was there?" He said, "No — because she knew she was amply supplied. She had everything she needed in life, even in her loss." It's in our relationships — with God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and with the people around us — that we're able to walk through loss, doubt, denial, and struggle.
My mother never lived out of self-pity. In fact, the minister at her memorial said she was the mother of this church. She wasn't paid to work there — she had just attended and served for 53 years. My challenge to you is this: be what you never had.
When we go through loss, there is appropriate grief, and we need time, space, and people who will walk with us through it. But we can't stay there. My mother lost her husband at 51, after only 21 years of marriage, and there were many further losses through her life. But she lived by giving away what she had never had.
That's where the full gospel comes in — an awareness of the fullness of the gospel that I'm feeling strongly in this season. It's full because the cup never runs dry. It's full because whatever we need can be found in it. It's full because it covers the whole of Scripture — not just a John 3:16 gospel, cherry-picking verses that appeal to us.
That full gospel, from beginning to end, is a story of relationships, of family, of restored relationships. God wants his kids back — the whole Bible is about that. Many churches call themselves "the family church" or "a fellowship," and I love those phrases, but they can't just be labels. They must be what we actually live out.
Every one of us — not just people with a microphone or a platform — is invited to take our place. If we truly are the church, we need to live that out. The most powerful thing we can do is invest in relationships — to be, as it were, the John to the Mary, or the Mary to the John.
The Bible is full of stunning examples of the power of relationship:
We've got friends, uncles, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, nieces — all these relationships in the Bible, some blood relationships, some spiritual. That's my challenge: let's be to each other what we never had.
These examples don't require a PhD in theology or a great platform. They just require us to slow down enough to see the people God has placed around us. My wife Sue and I both lost our fathers in our teenage years, within a year of each other — which is actually how we met. We've made a decision to be to others, including our sons and grandsons, what we didn't have ourselves.
One of the greatest needs in our dysfunctional, lonely world today is friendship. Jesus left us his best friend — the Holy Spirit. In our language, he is the best man at the wedding, because "the Spirit and the bride say, 'Come.'" Jesus left us his best friend to help the church get ready for his return.
The Holy Spirit teaches us the great lesson of friendship:
You might say, "I've been hurt by the church. I've been hurt by friends. I've been let down by fathers. I've been fed a lie that I'm disqualified." Today I want to say: let's move past the lie. You are qualified — even if, like my mother, you never knew your own mother. She found in that loss the qualification to be a mother, not just to her own children, but to countless people she ministered to in prisons.
If you feel you don't have many friends, become a friend to somebody, and you will grow in friendship. I love Isaiah 9:6-7:
"A child is born, a son is given, and his name will be called Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
Our assignment is to be Christlike — to bring wisdom to a world that needs a wonderful counsellor, peace to a world needing a prince of peace, relationship to a lonely world needing an eternal father, and strength to a world that often feels powerless.
One of the greatest privileges of my life is that Sue and I have three spiritual families outside our natural family — people we love on as spiritual sons and daughters. This week, one of them sent Sue flowers for Mother's Day, giving out of what she herself didn't have. There was therapy in that gift.
As I close, I want to challenge you: think about who you can pour something of your life into. What hurdles do you need to overcome? Do you need to stop focusing on lack, loss, or self-pity, and instead be what you never had?
Together, we will build the church that Jesus said he wanted to see on earth. Whoever you are, whatever your relationships look like, let's be to someone else what we know they need — and let's build a beautiful bride together.
Amen.
