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Life Advice Series — Proverbs 25:28
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Good morning, family. Before we dive in, I want to honor my grandfather who's here today—89 years young. Granddaddy, thank you for being here.
I want to start with a simple object: a brick. By itself, one brick doesn't look like much. But when you stack enough bricks together, they become a wall. And a wall can change everything. It provides something we all need: protection.
All summer long, we've been studying Proverbs in a series called "Life Advice." Today, we're looking at a proverb that isn't just good advice—it's essential for life transformation.
"A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." — Proverbs 25:28
This raises an important question: Why walls? Why did Solomon use this specific image when describing someone without self-control?
In Solomon's time, walls were everything. They meant protection. They meant gates and watchmen to see danger coming from afar. A city without walls meant exposure to harm—not freedom, but vulnerability.
We might think walls are ancient history, but we still build them today. We've just changed the materials. Instead of brick and mortar, we use deadbolts, smoke detectors, Ring cameras, Face ID, and passwords. Some of you even have passwords for your passwords!
Why? Because we know instinctively that we build walls around things we value.
Let me paint the picture Solomon intended: The city represents your heart—your thoughts, desires, emotions, everything that makes you you. The walls represent self-control.
Webster's Dictionary defines self-control as "restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires."
So a city without walls is your heart without self-control.
When I first read this proverb, I didn't think about walls. I thought about diets, discipline, New Year's resolutions, trying harder. But Solomon paints a different picture. He's not talking about willpower. He's talking about protection.
If we're wise enough to protect our houses, our kids, our bank accounts, our identities, and our phones, then surely we should understand why the proverb quietly asks: What about protecting your heart?
Proverbs 4 puts it this way:
"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life." (Proverbs 4:23)
Everything flows from your heart—your decisions, your words, your relationships, your behavior. Jesus himself said:
"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:21)
Here's what I've learned: Walls can be breached way before they are broken.
They don't collapse overnight. They are destroyed one decision at a time.
I know this firsthand. Three weeks ago—let's pretend it was years ago—I downloaded Candy Crush. It started innocent. I was just passing time in lines, between meetings, at the airport. But something changed. At some point, my heart was broken into, and my time, my money, and my relationships were exposed to this unhealthy habit.
I could have been more generous with my time. I could have been more generous with my money. I could have spent time with my family.
Don't miss this: Self-control doesn't go away all at once. It happens one decision, one compromise, one justification at a time.
What is it for you? What has taken your time, your money, your relationships because the walls of self-control you thought you had did not hold?
Paul, who wrote 17 of the 23 books of the New Testament, confessed this in Romans 7:
"I do not understand my own actions. I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." (Romans 7:15)
Have you been there? Have you said, "I'm done," only to find yourself doing exactly what you said you wouldn't do?
If that's you, can I invite you to say: Welcome to humanity. Better yet, welcome to the moment when you stop trusting yourself and start realizing that you need a Savior.
This proverb isn't simply describing someone who lacks discipline. It's describing someone whose city has been breached, whose walls have come down, whose heart has become vulnerable.
When we mistake our vulnerability for our inability, we tell ourselves: "I just need more discipline. I just need more willpower. I just need to try harder."
But if the answer were simply to try harder, then we would have missed the transformational power of this proverb. This proverb exposes our weakness, but more importantly, it exposes our need.
An exposed heart needs protection that it cannot provide for itself.
So the question becomes: If I can't protect my own heart, then who can?
The answer is Jesus. Jesus is always the answer.
Listen to what Jesus says in John 15:
"I am the vine and you are the branches. Those who remain in me and I in them will produce much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing." (John 15:5)
Did you hear Him say "try harder"? Did you hear Him say "build stronger walls"? No. He said: "Remain in me. Stay connected to me. Abide in me."
God does not begin by demanding more from us. He begins by giving Himself to us.
Think about the picture Jesus paints: A branch doesn't wake up every morning determined to produce fruit. A branch simply stays connected to the vine. And because it's connected, fruit flows out naturally.
That's the gospel.
I have tried self-control on my own. I have done the workouts. I have tried to be more disciplined. It doesn't work.
But then I read Scripture and realize something: The power to self-control is not found in restriction. It's found in relationship. The Holy Spirit of Jesus living inside each of us makes self-control possible.
Paul writes in Galatians 5:22-23:
"The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."
Notice: Paul doesn't say you produce it. The Spirit produces it. Self-control isn't manufactured by determination. It's cultivated through connection.
Fruit is evidence that something alive is happening beneath the surface. And for those of you who wanted this to happen overnight—I've never seen fast fruit. I've seen fast food, but I've never seen fast fruit.
Paul said earlier:
"Let the Holy Spirit guide your lives, and you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves." (Galatians 5:16)
When we allow the Holy Spirit to guide our lives, He begins changing what we desire. That is transformation.
This proverb doesn't leave us at a dead end saying, "Just try harder." No. This proverb reveals our need for Jesus.
Without Him, our hearts remain exposed. Without Him, our desires become vulnerable. Without Him, we're left trying to protect ourselves from internal chaos that leads to external destruction.
But Jesus says three simple words that change everything: "Remain in me."
"I am the vine and you are the branches. Apart from me, you can do nothing—including controlling yourself." (John 15:5)
So the next time you're in that battle, remember this: Self-control is not the evidence of a strong person. It is the evidence of a heart that has stayed connected to Jesus.
You may be thinking, "Jar, you don't know my story. You don't know how many times I've failed." Listen: There is no condemnation.
You have a heavenly Father who loves you so much that He gave you His Holy Spirit to live within you, to produce something in you that's going to save you—not just from what's around you, but from what's in you.
Self-control is a protection mechanism against ourselves. It's the preserving of ourselves. And God is developing that in us.
As we close, I want to challenge each of us to lay two bricks—not physically, but spiritually.
Brick One: Invite Jesus into Your Heart
You are a heart city. Your heart is that city. I don't know whether you currently have walls up or not, but what I know is this: The first brick you should always lay is a brick of grace.
"All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)
No matter what you've done, no matter how many times you've done it: Shame is not part of what Jesus is building.
He loves you. He wants to restore walls of self-control to protect you.
What does this look like? Simply pause long enough to pray and say: "Jesus, You know the condition of my heart. I ask You to take control and lead me in self-control."
Brick Two: Inspect the Thoughts of Your Heart City
Before you try to manage your behavior, be attentive to your heart by inspecting your thoughts. Every breach begins somewhere—and most of the time, it begins with a thought.
Philippians 4:8 says:
"Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable." (Philippians 4:8)
Here's the question I want you to ask yourself this week: Is this thought moving me closer to Jesus, or is it leaving my heart exposed?
When you answer that question, do what Jesus said: Remain in Him and let His words remain in you.
Do this by:
If you don't know where to start, use an app like Dwell, or text "daily" to 40777 and receive Scripture every morning at 6:30 a.m.
I'm not giving you these bricks because checking these boxes will automatically change your life. I'm telling you to do this because whoever gets access to your heart gets influence over your life. You want Jesus to have that access.
"A person without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls." (Proverbs 25:28)
One brick doesn't look like much. But in the hands of the Master Builder, it becomes part of a wall that protects the heart your heavenly Father loves.
If you're here today and you're thinking, "I want to take that step," I invite you to do one or two things:
This is not just a proverb of practical advice. This is a proverb that points to who we need in our lives. His name is Jesus.
