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Galatians 5:16 tells us: "So I say, walk by the spirit and you will not gratify the desires of your flesh." Many of us hear phrases like "walk in the spirit," but what does that actually mean? It's more than just obedience to God—it hints at something much deeper: sensitivity to the Holy Spirit.
Think back to when Jesus was baptized by John. The heavens opened, and God declared, "This is my beloved son." Then the Holy Spirit descended in the form of a dove and landed on Jesus's shoulders. Why a dove? Doves are the most sensitive birds. They startle easily. If you have a dove resting on your shoulder, you can't turn too fast or move abruptly, or the dove will fly away. Instead, every step becomes intentional—you move carefully, always mindful of the dove's presence.
This is what it means to walk in the Spirit. The Holy Spirit is like that dove on your shoulder. Every movement, every decision, every step must be made with the Holy Spirit in mind. You can't just move based on what you feel. You can't respond to every temptation or desire that comes your way. Every movement must be with the dove in mind.
The Bible tells us that God's voice is "the small still voice." But here's the problem: if there's too much noise in your life, you'll miss it. We live in a time of unprecedented noise—the internet, social media, YouTube, news outlets, podcasts. We have so many voices speaking into our ears that when God tries to speak, we can't hear Him.
In Bible times, it was easier to hear from God. Not because God changed, but because people had fewer competing voices. They didn't have all these distractions. Without so many options pulling their attention, they learned to depend on God.
Some of you know what I'm talking about. You've made decisions, and afterward, when things didn't work out, you thought, "Something told me not to do this. Something told me not to start that business. Something told me this person wasn't right for me." But you didn't follow that inner prompting. Why? Because there was a louder voice in your ear. You have to learn to remove those voices. You have to get rid of the noise so you can hear the Holy Spirit clearly.
Galatians 5:17 says: "For the flesh desires what is contrary to the spirit and the spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other so that you are not free to do whatever you want."
Listen: don't let anyone tell you that once you're saved, temptation goes away. That's a lie. Temptation is part of being human. As you grow in God, the nature of the temptations changes, but they don't disappear.
When I was a young Christian, I struggled with different things than I struggle with now. I'm not tempted by the same sins that pulled at me years ago. But that doesn't mean I'm free from temptation entirely. Now I may struggle with pride, or with the temptation to hold back my tithe when finances get tight. I may be tempted to lash out when someone disrespects me, or to cut off people God has called me to forgive.
There's always a temptation to be lazy when God calls you to study His Word or pray. There's always a temptation to isolate yourself instead of engaging in community. There's always a temptation to keep people in your life that God is telling you to release, or to cut off people He's telling you to forgive. This is what we call human nature, and human nature is hostile to God.
You're in a constant wrestling match to kill the things that don't look like Jesus and to lean into submission to the Lord.
Sometimes the most dangerous temptations aren't the ones that are obviously sinful. Sometimes it's the things you can explain away. For example, you might say, "I cut off my mother because my therapist told me I need to protect my boundaries." That sounds reasonable, even healthy. But listen carefully: God commanded us to honor our mother and father. That's not a suggestion. That's a commandment with a promise—"that it may be well with you and that your days may be long on the earth."
I know this is hard, especially if you've experienced abuse, abandonment, or pain from your parents. But God doesn't give us an exemption from His commandments just because those we're called to honor have hurt us.
Here's something that will convict you: If you can pray for a stranger and intercede for them with tears and passion, but you won't do the same for the parent who hurt you, that's proof you haven't truly forgiven.
When someone else comes to you for prayer—someone you don't know—you pray heaven down. You intercede for their family, their healing, their restoration. You pour out prayers with genuine compassion. But when it comes to your own mother or father, you run out of words. Why? Because it's personal. They hurt you. And that's where the real work of forgiveness has to happen.
Forgiveness is not the same as saying "I forgive you." The word "forgive" is a compound word: "fore," meaning to do something beforehand or in advance, and "give." Forgiveness means to give someone something before they deserve it.
So why can't many people forgive? Because they're stingy. They don't want to give grace to someone who hasn't earned it, especially when that person has hurt them deeply.
But here's what we must understand: Forgiveness is a process, not a single event. You might forgive someone today, but tomorrow you wake up, and the pain is still there. You have to forgive them again. You remind your heart, "I already forgave you." Some days you'll have to do this multiple times. That's the process of forgiveness.
I want to be clear about something: Saying "I forgive you" is not enough if you haven't processed the pain. If you've been deeply hurt, especially by a parent, you may need more than just forgiveness. You may need healing.
Here's what I'm not saying: I'm not saying you should go to the person who hurt you and try to make them understand your pain. That rarely works. Do you know how hard it is for someone to accept that they are the villain in your story? Asking the knife that cut you to heal you doesn't make sense. You have to go to a different source.
This might mean therapy. It might mean talking to your pastor or a trusted person with wisdom and integrity. Get it out. Begin to process it. Begin to share it. Because if you're still bottling up the hurt, the anger will keep coming back.
Trauma lives in our bodies. Scientists have studied how trauma lives in the bloodline—it passes down and stays with us. Even the Bible illustrates this. When Cain killed Abel, God said, "The blood of Abel is crying out to me from the ground." Abel was dead, but his blood still carried the pain of betrayal. That's how real trauma is.
You have to walk through a healing process. You have to take back the words you've spoken over your own life and over your relationships.
Some of you are living under word curses that you've spoken yourself. Remember: "Life and death are in the power of your tongue." You might have said things like:
You've released these words into your life, and now you're living under them. Some of you went through a breakup, and you said things to your ex like:
You released those words, and now you're living under them. You gave them a piece of your soul, and they're walking around with it. That's why you can't move on. That's why they still have a hold on you.
You have to take those words back. Speak over yourself:
"Nobody is walking around with a piece of me. All of me belongs to God. I am whole. I am complete. Before I was in my mother's womb, God knew me and ordained me. There's an anointing on my life that doesn't need people to make it come true. I'm already one with God. I am not forever committed to someone who isn't committed to me. The covenant was broken. I am whole because I have Jesus."
Start speaking life over yourself. Take back your words. Reclaim your wholeness. Stop living as a fragmented person waiting to be saved. You are already healed in Christ.
Someone asked: "Can you talk about forgiveness and boundaries? Because people don't understand that just because you forgive someone, you don't have to stay in an abusive situation."
Absolutely. Boundaries are necessary—but they must be used appropriately. The problem is that many people in our generation hyperuse boundaries. We create boundaries prematurely and use them as an escape rather than as protection.
Here's the difference: Boundaries are necessary for repeat offenders—people who have shown a consistent pattern of willingness to harm you. If someone has repeatedly damaged you and shown no genuine change, you need a boundary.
But let me explain this through the image of a broken bone. When you break your arm, the doctor resets it. That's forgiveness. Then the doctor puts a cast on it. That cast serves two purposes:
But here's the key: The cast is temporary. If you leave a cast on forever, you'll lose your muscle strength. You have to take it off eventually. Then you go through rehabilitation. You slowly reuse the muscle, rebuild its strength, and learn to function with it again.
This is what forgiveness and boundaries should look like. You put a cast on your heart. You give yourself time to heal. You create space so you don't make decisions from a place of pain. But the cast is not permanent. At some point, you need to take it off and begin to trust again, to love again, to function again.
Some of you have had a cast on for five years. That's not a boundary anymore. That's a prison. You're stuck inside it, and it's keeping you from living, from loving, from healing completely.
Now, what about when the repeat offender is your parent? This is incredibly hard. Here's my honest opinion: I don't think you should create a boundary with your parents. The Bible tells us to honor them. But I think you can create healthy distance.
There's a difference. A boundary says, "You cannot access me. You cannot contact me. You're cut off." It's a line of demarcation. You cannot cross it.
Healthy distance is different. It says, "I honor you, but I cannot honor you the way I should while we're constantly up close. Every time I'm around you, the pain is reopened. So I'm going to create space. I can still say 'Merry Christmas.' I can still say 'Happy Mother's Day' or 'Happy Father's Day.' I can still check in on you. I can still help you if you have a genuine need. But I'm not going to have constant access to my life while I'm still carrying this wound."
This is very different from cutting someone off permanently. When Jesus comes back, we're going to have to answer for how we honored—or didn't honor—our parents. I understand parental trauma. I've lived through my share of it. But I can't encourage you to dishonor God's Word by permanently cutting off your mother or father.
Exception: If there has been sexual abuse, that changes everything. Sexual abuse is a heinous sin. That's different from the arguments, harsh words, or even physical discipline we might have experienced. That requires a completely different response, and you should work with professional counselors and trusted spiritual leaders on how to navigate that situation.
For the rest of us—for those of us dealing with normal offenses, hurtful words, or emotional wounds—honor God in the way you live. Create healthy distance. Take the time you need to heal. But don't use boundaries as a permanent escape from God's commandment to honor your mother and father.
As we close, remember this: Every step you take should be with the Holy Spirit in mind. The dove is on your shoulder. Don't move too fast. Don't respond to every impulse. Don't follow every desire that comes your way. Be sensitive to that still, small voice.
Remove the noise. Get rid of the competing voices. Create space to hear God clearly. And as you walk through your healing—whether that's forgiving family members, breaking word curses, or setting healthy boundaries—do it all while remaining sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading.
You are not a broken person waiting to be saved. You are already complete in Christ. Walk in that truth. Walk in that sensitivity to the Spirit. And watch how God transforms your life.
