Knowing God: The Foundation of Relationship

Good morning. In the presence of the Lord, I want to jump into this word right away. We are a true church—we are transparent, real, and unedited. If there's any place you ought to be able to be honest and be true, it ought to be in the house of God.

Before we begin, I want to say something important. At the end of service, we're going to have a solemn moment—about one to two minutes—where we're inviting people to receive Jesus into their life as their Lord and personal Savior. If you already have a relationship with God, I'm going to ask you to be praying for those who don't. For those who don't have a relationship with God and you already feel it before I even preach this word, you already know: I cannot leave this church without reconnecting with my Father. I want you to come and do that at the end of this word. Because the most important part about coming to church is not religion—it's relationship.

We're teaching part two of this message: Relationship Over Religion.

What It Means to Know Someone

You can look at the person next to you and say, "You don't know me." That's because they don't have a relationship with you. When we don't know someone, we can't truly connect.

There was a rapper by the name of T.I.—Clifford Harris—who wrote a song called "You Don't Know Me." In part of the song, he said, "You may see me in the streets, but you don't know me." For those who didn't grow up listening to rap, I'll translate: "You may see me in the neighborhood, but you are not fully aware of who I am."

Dr. Harriet Lerner did a study on what it means to truly know your partner. According to her research, it means understanding them and knowing what makes them tick—what makes them happy and what triggers their fear. It means knowing why they do the work they do, why they live the life they live, and why they are who they are.

Isn't that true? When you're in a relationship with somebody, you've got to understand them in order for the relationship to work. Have you ever been talking to somebody—a friend or romantic partner—and kept bumping heads because you realized this person doesn't know you? When I'm trying to communicate, they don't get it. When I say right, they go left. When I say go up, they go down—because they simply don't know me.

And I'm learning that the same is true with God. It's impossible to build a relationship with God if we don't actually know Him, if we don't understand God.

Knowing God Requires Knowing Scripture

One of my favorite verses is Matthew 22:29. Jesus replied:

Your mistake is that you don't know the scriptures and you don't know the power of God.

So often we come to church and hear what the pastor is saying, or we watch videos on Facebook or YouTube. But the problem is we don't know the scriptures. And when you don't know the scriptures, you have to trust that whatever someone is telling you is the truth. Sometimes people don't tell the truth. They say whatever is favorable for themselves.

But in order for you to build a relationship with God, you've got to start getting in the word of God for yourself. You don't want to eat the scraps and crumbs off of anybody else. I would never go to a restaurant and eat the leftovers that somebody else left. So why are you only eating the word of God based on what somebody else ate and left for you?

You've got to say, "No, I want my own. I want to make sure that what's coming to me is really for me. I want the full five-course meal, God. I want to make sure that as I'm building a relationship with you, I'm getting everything you have for me. And I can't trust that the communicator is giving me everything." They may leave something out because they're human. The only way for me to know is to get in the word of God for myself.

Jesus says, "Your biggest mistake is you don't know the scriptures and you don't know the power of God." Many times we don't know what God can do in our lives because we don't really know His power. We don't know the authority, the dunamis, the exousia of God—that when God speaks a word, it comes to pass. We don't understand that.

And so we operate by fear because we don't really believe that when God says, "I'll never leave you. I'll never forsake you," that means even in the darkest situation, that doesn't scare God—because God is light. He's always with you in everything that you face. You've got to know the scriptures and you've got to know the power of God.

The I Am: God's Name and Our Identity

This came to Moses in Exodus 3:13-14. Moses had an encounter with God. He saw God in a burning bush. God gave him a message to go back and speak His word. And this is how Moses protested:

If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, the God of your ancestors has sent me to you, they will ask me, "Well, what is his name?" Then what should I tell them?

I love this about Moses. He's like, "God, you're sending me on a mission and I don't even know how to call you. I don't even know your name. What is your name? Because knowing a person's name shows if you really know them."

Different people in my life know me by different names, and based on the name they call me, it determines the level of intimacy. If you're married, you know what I'm talking about. The moment you start using government names in the house, you're in trouble. We're beefing. We're fighting already. When you call somebody their government name, you're saying, "No, you don't call me that. You call me baby. You call me boo. Don't call me that." Because based on the name you call me, I know how close we are right now.

Moses said, "God, what am I supposed to tell them when they ask?" And in verse 14, God replied:

I am who I am. Say this to the people of Israel: I am has sent me to you.

God comes to Moses and says, "I need you to know this. I am who I am. What that means is I am from eternity to eternity. I am alpha and omega. I'm the beginning and the end. I was here before they were born and I'll still be here after they're dead. I was here before the heavens and the earth. I was here before the moon, the sun, and the stars. I was here before your father and your father's father and your father's father's father. I'm from the beginning and I'll last beyond the end. I am that I am."

The "I am" statements have become extremely popular in the affirmation culture nowadays. People have discovered the power of saying "I am." But many don't recognize that every time you say I am, you are speaking the name of God into your life.

This is why the affirmation studies show that it doesn't work if you don't say "I am." If you're going to use it, you've got to say "I am" before you release the statement. You can't say "I'm going to be." You can't say "I want to be." You can't say "My hope is to be." You have to say I am. Because every time you say "I am," you're bringing the name of God into your life.

So when you say "I am strong," you're actually saying, "God, make me strong." When you say "I am confident," you're saying, "God, make me confident." This is why you've got to be careful about what you put after the I am statement. Because whatever you put after the "I am" statement, you're asking God to make it true in your life.

When you say "I am depressed," you're claiming depression and saying, "God, release depression into my life." When you say "I am sad," you're saying, "God, I'm speaking sadness over me." When you say "I am frustrated," it will be impossible for you to be calm because you're asking God to confirm your frustration.

You have to be careful whenever you're getting ready to say, "I am." Say "I am strong. I am powerful. I am anointed." I've got to be careful to only say "I am" what God says I am.

Love God, Love People—It's a Package Deal

In Matthew 22:36-40, we read:

The teacher asked Jesus, "Which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?" And Jesus replied, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. But please catch these next verses: And a second is equally important.

We know that we've got to love God with all of our heart. If we're going to love God, it's got to be real. We can't fake our love for God. Why? Because God knows you. You can't pretend to love Him because even though you may say it with your lips, God can examine your heart. When I say I'm submitted to God, I've got to love God for real in my mind. I've got to love God for real in my heart. I've got to love God for real in my soul. I've got to love God for real in my strength.

But it says this second one is equal to that same type of love:

Love your neighbor as yourself.

I can't just love God and not love people. I can't. You cannot love God and not love people. The way that I love people is supposed to be equal to the way that I love God.

Why aren't we preaching this in church? Because I've been in church all my life and let me be real: I met some nasty people in church. I mean, their attitude was just terrible. I mean, you see them on the stage and they're like, "Oh, Jesus, we love you." And you catch them in the hallway? They might be the rudest, most bad-attitude person you find in the building. But you cannot love God and not love people.

I've learned that so many people are offended at God because of the church. In many cases, the church experience has been a terrible representation of who God is. In some people's cases, their church experience has been flat out evil or even demonic.

I told you we're transparent, real, nothing edited. But if we're going to be real, we've got to have some conversations that we typically can't have in church. Some people's church experience has been traumatic. They've been damaged. There have been some people who went to church and got more hurt in the church than they did in the world. Some people have been damaged in church. Some people have been touched inappropriately in church. Some people have been mishandled in church. Some people's deepest hurt came from the church.

And the reality is: if we're going to be the church, we've got to take some accountability for this. When one dentist messes up in your mouth, you don't trust any dentist. When a doctor messes up on your surgery, you're scared every time you go to the hospital. Every doctor has to pay for that one mistake. Well, when one pastor damages you, the reality is I'm a pastor too. So you bring your trauma in here. And sometimes it takes us longer to get you past your trauma than it is to actually teach you who God is.

In the world, people are feeling like God doesn't love them. People are feeling like God is harsh. And people are teaching a bad or false version of who God is. And the damage all starts from the church. People would have more real conversations if the church came out and said, "Hey, can we be honest? We've messed up some stuff throughout the years."

Just because you had a church experience doesn't mean it was a God experience. Because the God experience is rooted in love. To love God is to love people. You cannot serve God without serving people.

Someone might say, "I'm just here to serve God." Yes—by how you serve people. You cannot get around people when it comes to serving God, because my purpose is to serve people. Which means if as a pastor I get so high and mighty and stop serving people, I actually lose my purpose. Because what is a shepherd without people to love on and people to pour into?

You can't love God and not love people. Let me give you a Bible on it here. 1 John 4:20 (The Message version) makes it very clear:

If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar.

It's hard to be called a liar, isn't it? He says, "If you say you love God but you hate people, you're a liar." Just pause for a minute. I'm purposely slowing down because some of y'all want me to hurry and get past this so we can keep faking. But no—he said, "If you say, 'I love you, God,' and I can't love the people I see, I'm lying."

Based on that criteria, how many of us have ever been liars? If your hand doesn't go up, you're lying right now. Put that hand up. It says:

If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love a God that he can't see?

Some of us only love God because we can't see Him. Everybody we can see, we don't like. If you could see God, you'd find an issue with Him too. The only reason you like God is because you can't see Him, can't tangibly touch Him—and so you make this dreamy version of God. But God is not just your dream. He's also a consuming fire. He's not just the nice one. He's also the Dad that gets on you when you need it.

Verse 21 says:

The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people.

There is no room for confusion in this. It's extremely clear. The two come hand in hand. Loving God includes loving people.

You know how many people say they love God and have hatred towards people? How can you love Him and hate His kids? For my people that have kids here: it's like somebody saying, "Uh, I hate your kids, but I love you." No. You're not getting with me like that. It's a package deal. You want to love me? You've got to love my kids too. Because my kids are a part of me. You can't love me and not love my babies.

And God is saying the same thing: How dare you say you love Me and hate My kids. It's a package deal. If you're going to love one, you've got to be able to love both.

Being Related vs. Being Family

We find this in Matthew 12:46. Jesus is talking about family, and I love how Jesus deals with family because He says stuff that feels so rude but is so necessary.

As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brother stood outside asking to speak to him. Someone came and told Jesus, "Your mother and your brothers are standing outside and they want to speak to you." And Jesus asked, "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?"

Now obviously Jesus asking this question is kind of crazy because everybody knew who His family was. Jesus was the most popular name of his time. So anybody connected to Jesus—you knew who they were, especially His mother and brothers. So when He says "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?" the whole crowd pauses. What kind of question is this?

And this is His response:

Then he pointed to his disciples and said, "Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my father in heaven is my brother and my sister and my mother."

Jesus is making something very, very clear. I want to be sensitive when I say this. I don't want to be rude to anybody, but everybody that's claiming God: you're not automatically my brother and sister. He said that you are my brother and my sister when you're doing the will of my Father. So if you're completely going against the word of God and damaging the people I'm trying to help, we ain't family.

We're so used to saying, "Oh, we're all the body of Christ." You may be in church. That doesn't mean you're part of the body. Because the body functions together. We all do things in a certain way. We all move with love and integrity. If that's not the way that you move, you're not a part of the body.

Notice Jesus calls something out. He says, "Who's my mother? Who is my brother?" And to be honest, if you were to say that to your family right now, they might be ready to fight you. But Jesus exposed one of the deepest truths you will ever learn in life:

There is a big difference between being related and being family.

We're related by blood, which means we were born into the same lineage. My cousin, my friend, my siblings—we are related. But we are not family if we're not moving the same way. You've got a lot of people related to you that's not actually your family. They're related by blood, but they're not actually for you. They don't actually pray for your success, for your favor, for your salvation, for your heart, for your mind, for God to cover you. They don't even want to see you win. They're just connected to you by bloodline.

Jesus realized that His family wanted access, but didn't truly support His ministry. Now that He had a crowd, His family wanted to talk to Him. He said, "I was just at home with nobody saying anything, but now we've got a crowd. You want to be seen standing next to me in front of the crowd."

I'm telling you: it's some people related to you that once God elevates you and once God takes you higher, all of a sudden they want to be family again. "Man, we've got to reconnect. We've got to get back together. We should go do lunch."

Uh-uh. Not doing lunch with nobody who didn't eat with me all the last 5 years. Your success will bring family out of the woodworks. You God take you higher and you find a fine cousin you didn't even know you had.

Jesus says, "No, we're related, but we're not family. You cannot stay close to people who don't support your change, who don't support your growth, and who don't support your purpose." This is a hard conversation, but it's going to help you for the rest of your life.

You told people, "I was changed and I'm not the person I used to be. I'm living for God now." And if you keep coming to me expecting the old version of me, it's rubbing me the wrong way. It's giving jealousy. But they would say, "Right, like at some point you've got to realize: if this person isn't supporting my change, we can only stay connected if I return to my old behavior."

So either I've got to choose my future and let them go, or hold on to them and marry my past. When people won't accept your growth, you've got to be willing to release. It's okay to say you're better than what you used to be.

"Oh, you think you're better now?"

Absolutely. I am. I am better. God's been working on me. I'm not tolerating the same foolishness. I'm not as naive as I used to be. I'm not as insecure as I used to be. I see you and I know what you're coming with now. I am better. I'm thinking better. I don't think I'm better—I'm thinking better.

And if they don't support your purpose, this is the biggest one. When you read the Bible, you realize that Jesus' brothers used to make a mockery of His ministry: "If you're the Messiah, then go over here. If you're the Messiah..." And now Jesus is in His ministry with a crowd. And now that He has a crowd, His brothers want to stand next to Him.

There will be some people who will mock the dream that God put on your heart year after year after year until it comes to life. And once God elevates you, "That's my brother. That's my sister."

Uh-uh. Keep that same energy they used to have. I don't mind loving you, but I'm not going to give you access simply because we share blood.

When you start having conversations like this, you will look back and say, "I need to have some real evaluation time. I need to look at the people in my life and have a real evaluation to make sure I'm placing everybody in the right category." Because I may have some related people in the family group, and just because they're connected doesn't mean they're actually here to support me and go where God is taking me.

Knowing Jesus

We see this in John 14:4. Jesus is talking about going somewhere. He's talking about where God is getting ready to send Him.

And you know the way to where I'm going.

And Thomas says:

No, we don't, Lord. We have no idea where you're going. So how can we know the way?

Let me call him "Real Thomas" this Sunday. Because some of y'all would have been just like Thomas. Some of y'all are Thomas right now. God is like, "I've got plans for you and you've got to know that I have better for you." You're like, "God, I don't know that You have better. I don't feel better right now. It's not better that I feel. I'm going through stuff. I'm fighting."

People are saying, "I'm tired of being the strongest warrior for the Lord. I want to be a weak warrior. Don't take me to fight battles anymore, Lord. I want to help others. Let them fight and then I help them. I want to be a cook in the army." The cook. They get the same badge of honor, but you're not on the field. You understand what I'm saying?

Thomas is thinking, "Lord, I'm going to be real with you. I don't know the way because every morning I wake up, we can't find you. You're over in the mountains praying. Then you're over here by the whale. Then you're out here. You're vanishing into thin air, showing back up in the glory. I have no idea which way you're going."

Jesus told him:

I am the way. I am the truth and I am the life and no one can come to the father except through me.

Jesus says, "Let me show you how to get access." He said, "A lot of y'all know who God is, but you can only get to the Father through the Son. You don't know who Abba is. You don't know Him to be a Father. Y'all called Him Yahweh. I call Him Abba. He's Father. And you can't get in relationship without being connected through the family."

He said, "I'm the truth, the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. But Thomas, if you had really known me, you would know who my father is. But from now on, you do know him and have seen him."

Jesus looks at Thomas—and you know Thomas, always doubting. He said, "Tom, Tommy. Had you really known me, you would have known the Father. But I'm not going to hold that against you because we all know Tommy—you've got a lot of questions. You don't get a lot of answers. So I get it."

In verse 8, Philip says something:

Lord, show us the Father and we will be satisfied.

I'm going to preach a message called "Unsatisfied Christians" because Philip is one of those people who's been with Jesus for three and a half years. He saw Jesus raise people from the dead. He saw Him open blind eyes. He saw Him raise a boy from his funeral procession. He literally saw people with issues of blood dry up. He saw Jesus go on a mountain, be transformed into a blast of light. The heavens opened up. God spoke out of the cloud: "This is my beloved son in whom I'm well pleased." And still—he needs something else to be satisfied.

How many of us in this room are really filled up? God is like, "How much more do I have to do for you for you to finally be satisfied? I've forgiven you of every sin and every mistake. Even though you keep making the same sins and same mistakes, I keep forgiving you. I've been protecting you. Been protecting your family. Even when you were acting crazy, I kept you. When you didn't know how you were going to make it, I kept you. When you wanted to throw in the towel, I kept you. When you wanted to give up, I kept you. I show up day after day after day and still you ain't happy because there's something else you want."

Unsatisfied Christians. "Lord, Lord, I just need one more thing. Lord, I know I've got this car, but God, I want this car. I wanted this promotion. I wanted this raise. If I had a little bit more money, if I had a little bit more happiness. If I had this kind of relationship. If I had that."

And God is like, "The reality is you will never be satisfied because you're not happy with me alone. Until you're happy with just me alone, you will never truly understand what it means to be content."

As Paul said:

I know how to be content. I know how to be at one with God. It doesn't matter what I've got in my hand. As long as God's got my back, I'm good. As long as God's covering me, I'm good.

See, that's your issue. You need another blessing to be happy. I'm happy because God's been keeping my life, keeping my mind, keeping my spirit. I don't need things. I need Him.

Philip says, "Show us this, Jesus, and we'll be satisfied." And Jesus, look at His response:

Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and yet you still don't know who I am?

Jesus looks at Philip. First it was Thomas. He doubts a lot. All right. But you too, Philip. I've been with you for three and a half years. I've walked with you, talked with you, prayed for you, covered you. The spirit of God has changed your whole life. And even after all of that, you still don't know who I am. You lived with me for three and a half years and still don't know who I am.

This shows that a person can be around you for years and still not know who you are. That's why I said: Relationship Over Religion. Because you could be raised in church your whole life and still not know God.

I've been around you for years and I still don't know who you are. When you got to start asking yourself some real questions. If you could slow down for a moment, ask yourself: Does your family really know who you are? Like, really? I mean, they knew you from your childhood, but do they know who you are today? Do your friends really know who you are? Like, does your spouse really know who you are? Not just what you want to show them. Like, sometimes we don't even realize that people around us have no idea who we are.

Jesus had to ask everybody, "Who do you say I am?" And out of 12 disciples, only one had an answer—because He had 12 guys living in His house and only one knew who He was.