5 Relationship Rules: Keep Your Word

Keep Your Word: Living with Integrity and Truth

The Problem: A World of Broken Promises

We live in a culture that plays fast and loose with the truth. None of us like to be lied to, yet temptation to lie surrounds us constantly—temptation to look better, to protect ourselves, to climb the ladder of success, or to gain attention on social media.

Trust in other people has hit an all-time low. Research shows that across generations, the percentage of people who believe "most people can be trusted" has steadily declined. Gen Z, our youngest adults, show the lowest trust levels at just 26%—meaning 74% believe "you can't be too careful" in dealing with people. This erosion of trust is a crisis in our culture.

A Personal Journey: From Deception to Truth

I haven't always been a truth-teller myself. As a kid, I faked illness to go home early from school. I forged a doctor's note. I intercepted my report cards before my parents could see them. When addiction took hold in my teenage years, I became a professional liar—so skilled at deception that I could no longer distinguish truth from falsehood. The Bible calls this a "seared conscience," and it's a dangerous place to be.

But when I became a follower of Jesus my senior year of high school, everything changed. I realized there was no hope and no healing until I got brutally honest with myself, with God, and with the people around me. Truth became the dividing line between my old life and my new one. And while I still struggle with small things—exaggerating stories to make myself look better—truth remains one of my highest values.

Jesus' Challenge: Avoid Empty Promises

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus addresses this head-on. He says:

"You have also heard that our ancestors were told you must not break your vows. You must carry out the vows you make to the Lord. But I say, do not make any vows." (Matthew 5:33-34)

In Jesus' day, there was an elaborate system of oaths and swearing by various things—heaven, earth, Jerusalem, the temple, the gold in the temple. People thought they could manipulate which oaths bound them and which didn't. Jesus dismantled this entire system.

"Do not say by heaven because heaven is God's throne. Do not say by the earth because the earth is his footstool. Do not say by Jerusalem for Jerusalem is the city of the great king. Do not even say by my head for you can't turn one hair white or black." (Matthew 5:34-36)

Jesus' point is clear: God rules over all of reality—above, below, sacred, and personal. All truth is God's truth. You don't get to lie just because you swore by one thing instead of another. The challenge is simple: just be a truthful person.

The Real Issue: Empty Promises Everywhere

We make countless small promises without thinking:

• "I'll start tomorrow" (the diet, the workout, the project)
• "Your call is very important to us" (when you're on hold with a machine)
• "I'll be ready in five minutes" (which often means thirty to forty-five)
• "This will be a short meeting" (it never is)
• "I'm fine" (when you're really not)

These aren't just harmless social conventions. They're lies that chip away at our integrity and at the trust others place in us.

What Separates Men from Boys

A young adult once asked me, "Jud, what does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a godly Christian man?"

I'll tell you: What separates men from boys—regardless of age—is how we deal with the truth and honor our commitments. A real man seeks to keep his word. A real man tells the truth. A real man says what he means and does what he says.

Weak men lie. Weak men weasel out of their responsibilities. Weak men refuse to commit to those who need them. But we have a calling. God has placed a strong calling on every man to be a good husband, father, son, brother, grandfather, uncle, and mentor.

Here's what the world actually needs: not better-looking men, not more successful men, not smarter or more talented men. We need honest, godly men who keep their word. Full stop. And women need this just as much.

How to Live It Out

1. Be intentional about what you commit to. You can't say yes to everything. Before you say no to something, first identify your best yeses. For me, that order is: God first (daily time in prayer and Scripture), then family (being home more nights than away), then the church and calling God has given. When you've said yes to what matters most, it's easier to say no to everything else. There's no innocent yes—every commitment means saying no to something else. Be deliberate.

2. Simply tell the truth. Jesus boils it down to this:

"Just say a simple yes, I will or no, I won't. Anything beyond this is from the evil one." (Matthew 5:37)

Become known as someone whose word can be trusted. Your simple "yes" will eventually be worth more than someone else's elaborate oaths.

Consider the story of Tanner Muny, a seven-year-old t-ball player who made Sports Illustrated. During a game, he caught a ball and reached to tag a runner. The umpire called him out. Tanner walked over and said, "I didn't get him. He's not out." The umpire reversed the call.

Weeks later, Tanner was playing shortstop. He tagged a runner, the umpire called him safe, and Tanner visibly struggled. When asked what was wrong, he said, "I got him. I really got him." The umpire reversed her call again—because she knew Tanner was a truth-teller.

You can succeed faster by lying. But if you want to be faithful over the long road and have people respect you, be a truth-teller. Eventually, your yes will be enough.

A Word on Wisdom

Being a truth-teller doesn't mean blurting out every thought to everyone. Love must filter our honesty. When your spouse asks, "Does this look good?" there's wisdom in your response. When you're at a family gathering, you don't need to critique everything. Run everything through the grid of love. It's okay to have layers—sharing more intimately with those closest to you and less with casual acquaintances. But don't use "wisdom" as an excuse to lie.

The Consequences of Concealment

If you've struggled with honesty, know this: God loves you. It's not too late. You're not too far gone.

The book of James tells us that when we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us. Confession means finding a wise believer in your community and honestly sharing what's going on in your life. There is power in that.

Andy Stanley once said, "You only fear the consequences of confession because you don't yet realize the consequences of concealment." Living under deception carries an enormous cognitive load. You're always managing which story you told to whom, keeping your lies straight, calculating what people know. It's far more exhausting to live in lies than to live truthfully.

The Grace That Frees Us

As we work through the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus' teaching can feel like a heavy burden. But here's what we need to remember: Yes, this is how we should live. But only God can do it in us through his Spirit. We're saved and forgiven not because we live perfect lives, but because Jesus was the only one who could fulfill all of this perfectly.

Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He is light, and in him there is no darkness at all. He cannot lie. He is faithful. He keeps his promises. He will never fail you or forsake you. Even though we live in a world of broken promises and lies, we can trust him.

You don't have to live a life burdened by deception. The truth can set you free. So let's strive to be people of character and integrity—not perfectly, but aspirationally. Let our yes be yes and our no be no. Depend on God's grace when you fail. And watch what happens when you become known as someone whose word can be trusted.