How to Stop Stress and Worry from Taking Over Your Life

The Anxious Generation

My daughter, who lives in Los Angeles, was in town a while back and was looking through my study, browsing some of my books. She stumbled across one titled The Concept of Anxiety and said, "Ooh, this might be an interesting one." I told her, "Sweetheart, I don't think that book is about what you think it's about." Then she read the subtitle and said, "Oh." I'll tell you what that subtitle was in a few minutes.

I asked myself why she was drawn to that particular title on anxiety. Perhaps it's because she's part of what's known as Generation Z—dubbed by some "the anxious generation." Jonathan Haidt wrote a New York Times bestseller by that very title, arguing that there is an epidemic of stress and mental illness among this generation because we've moved from a play-based childhood to a phone-based childhood. We're guilty, as parents and grandparents, of overprotecting our kids in the physical world while underprotecting them in the virtual one.

This has led to a massive amount of worry, anxiety, and stress—not just upon Gen Z, but upon all of us. We live in a moment bombarded with data, information, news, videos, trivialities, and tragedies 24/7. This has created among us a massive amount of stress in our bodies, worry about controlling the future, and what philosophers call angst.

What happens when this unholy trinity—stress, worry, and anxiety—starts to choke the life out of you?

I believe the word God has for us today is not optional. It's not like going to Luby's, where you pick and choose your entrée, your salad, your dessert. This is not that. Even if you're a vegetarian, this is steak for everyone. This is not an option—given the world we live in, given that we, too, are part of an anxious generation.

The Parable of the Sower

As we close our mini-series on growth, let's look at Luke chapter 8, verse 4 and following:

"A large crowd was gathering, and people were coming to Jesus from town after town, and he told this parable: 'A farmer went out to sow his seed. He was scattering the seed. Some fell upon the path; it was trampled on and the birds ate it up. Some fell on rocky ground, and when it came up, the plants withered because they had no moisture. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, and it came up and yielded a crop a hundred times more than was sown.'"

We want to be good soil. We want to be productive, for God. So many times in this series, Jesus tells a parable and essentially says, "If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you don't." He doesn't explain it—he just lets it lie out there. But in this one, he gives us a cheat code. Look at verses 14–15:

"The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear the word of God, but as they go on their way, they are choked by life's worries, riches, and pleasures, and they do not mature. But the seed on good soil stands for those who have a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop."

This passage isn't really about gardening or agriculture. It's about the condition of our hearts. The same seed that can grow and flourish and produce a life of joy and peace can also be rejected, or—as we see today—choked out by the thorns of life.

So one of the questions this passage asks us is this: What are your thorns? What's threatening to choke out your life? Why do you keep these thorns in your life? And what are these thorns costing you?

The Dizziness of Freedom

Back to my daughter and the subtitle of that book. The full title is The Concept of Anxiety: A Simple Psychologically Oriented Deliberation and View of the Dogmatic Problem of Hereditary Sin, by Søren Kierkegaard.

What did he mean? He meant that the drive inside all of us to do our own thing, to go our own way, to say "I'm going to pick and choose things from God's Word"—that's inside everyone. He defines anxiety as "the dizziness of freedom"—the same dizziness Adam felt when he realized, I can choose to continue to depend upon God, or I can choose to go my own way and become my own god. We all experience this dizziness of the multiplicity of choices we face in our world today.

As verse 14 says, "as they go on their way," they're choked out by worries, riches, and pleasures—by what I call the three I's:

1. Increase — build up your pile, increase your stack of things.
2. Indulge — seek pleasure, seek your own happiness. You deserve a break today.
3. Impress — post it, impress your followers, impress your friends.

Increase, indulge, impress—those three I's invisibly underwrite the world you and I inhabit. And what does it produce? More stress.

Now, is God against you being productive in your life, your family, your job? Absolutely not. Is God against pleasure, fun, and joy? No—God created everything for its own time and space. But when we're driven by the belief that if I can just increase a little more, indulge a little more, impress a little more, then I'll be happy—we're missing it. We're missing God.

Solomon's Warning and a Modern Tragedy

The Bible has an entire book on increase, indulge, and impress—it's called Ecclesiastes. Solomon would say to anybody living today: "I've had it all—the billions, the pleasure, the power, the fame. All of it is vanity, emptiness. I am not happy."

Well, that's just Solomon, you might say—I would be different. But that's the hereditary problem of sin Kierkegaard identified. Increase, indulge, impress leads to greater stress, and it can choke out your life.

Many of us have heard of the singer-songwriter Jewel. Years ago, she went to a friend's house and noticed empty nitrous canisters, dog mess, chaos, and utter disarray. She went home and wrote her friend a letter: "You are in trouble. You can't even connect with me anymore. You can't connect with the people who come to your house. It's incredibly sad, and I don't think this is your time." Her friend had gone from Xanax and Adderall to vodka and ketamine and finally nitrous. Three months later, she got the news that her friend had set part of his house on fire and lost his life at age 47.

Her friend was Tony Hsieh, founder and CEO of Zappos—worth a billion dollars, Harvard-educated, a New York Times best-selling author. Brilliant, creative, driven, successful by every measure. But he got so caught up trying to impress and indulge that he pushed it too far, and many believe that's what led to the fire that took his life.

This can choke the life out of you. Not listening to and responding to the Word of God, allowing this crazy world of increase, indulge, and impress—of worry and anxiety—to go unaddressed can end up being a dagger in your life.

Augustine: A Life Turned Around

This could have happened to a young man named Augustine, who lived his life increasing, impressing, and indulging for many years—until God got a hold of his life. Augustine changed the world. He said, "No, I am going to follow God. I'm going to stop caving in to those three I's. I'm going to seek his peace, his purpose, his plan for my life."

This wild man turned his life around and became the most influential Christian in the history of our faith outside of the men and women of the Bible. He wrote:

"You must be emptied of what you're full of so you can be filled with what you lack."

If we're going to deal with this crazy culture pulling us to indulge, increase, and impress, we have to be emptied of that stress and anxiety so we can be filled with God's power, purposes, and peace. And this happens on the daily—not just something we talk about on Sunday morning. Because everything is at stake here. This isn't just a tool to manage stress; our greatest need is to worship and connect with God and make him known in our lives—to love him and to love others.

How to Be Emptied and Filled

So how do we do that? How can we be emptied and then filled by God?

First, we receive his invitation. He says:

"Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28-30)

We come to Christ—the creator of the universe, the sustainer who holds all things together and who can hold you and me together. We run to Christ. We crawl to Christ if we have to, and say, "Lord Jesus, I'm overwhelmed. I'm stressed. I'm worried, and I have to come to you."

Second, we cast all our cares upon him.

"Cast all your cares upon me because I care for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

We surrender our cares, our worries, our stress to him—not our responsibility, not our obedience, but the burden of trying to control the future. Paul said, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God." We do this on the daily—day by day by day.

Third, we commit all our ways as we go.

I commit my life to you—my heart, my soul, my mind, my strength. I commit my family, my finances, my future, my kids, my grandkids, my work, my school. It's like the old hymn—except it doesn't say "I surrender some," or "I surrender one-tenth." The King James says it right: "I surrender all." All.

And again, this is a daily thing, because I may surrender all at 10:07, and by 10:35 I'm taking some of it back. Maybe I'm alone in that—that's okay. We have to commit it all to him continually, turning our worries, our stress, every area of our lives under the lordship of Christ.

Learn the Unforced Rhythms of Grace

Here's another translation of Matthew 11:28:

"Are you tired, worn out, burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me, and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me, and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

We don't have to be the anxious generation. By his grace, we can become the Jesus generation—filled with his joy. Good soil. Good soil.