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There are thousands of people coming to faith in Christ all over the world, and we celebrate that. But it's equally important to notice that some Christians are deciding not to be Christians anymore. While many are converting to Christ, some are deconverting away from Christ. There are people choosing to say, "I'm choosing not to follow Jesus." As a pastor, a dad, and someone who loves many people, this hits really close to home.
We raised six children, and they grew up with a broad community of friends—both from homeschooling and from private and public schools. Many of these young people who grew up in our home are faithfully serving Jesus today. But for some of them, somewhere along the way, they had questions and couldn't find the answers. They faced real spiritual doubts and hurts, and rather than pursuing a growing relationship with Jesus, some chose to walk away from the faith.
Instead of shaming or blaming those who walk away, we should consider taking some responsibility for where we as Christians might be getting things wrong. We should be open-minded and consider how, with God's help, we can do things even better.
We find a powerful example in Peter, a complicated figure in Scripture who often faced doubts. In Matthew 14, the disciples are out on a boat when Jesus walks up on water. The disciples are terrified, thinking they've seen a ghost, but Jesus tells them it's Him.
Peter calls out: "Lord, if it's You, tell me to come to You on the water." Jesus says, "Come." Peter gets out of the boat and walks on water toward Jesus—he actually walked on water. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and began to sink. He cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out and caught him, saying, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
Peter deserves credit for being the only disciple with the courage to get out of the boat and walk on water in the first place.
Jesus's question—"Why did you doubt?"—is not an accusation, but an invitation. For years this passage bothered me, and I saw it as condemning. But as I matured in my faith and learned more about Jesus's character and nature, I realized I'd been reading it wrong.
Jesus is always loving, always full of grace, always compassionate. When Jesus asks, "Why did you doubt?" this isn't something condemning. Instead of letting Peter sink and saying, "Well, there you go—you're a loser with no faith," Jesus reached out His hand. Someone who is loving reaches out their hand. When Peter was drowning in his doubt, Jesus came to him and met him there.
I think Jesus was smiling and inviting, saying something like: "Hey Peter, why'd you doubt, bro? I'm on the water. You can be on the water. Why'd you doubt Me? Remember the loaves and the fishes? Remember the water and the wine? Remember the eyes that can now see and the ears that can now hear? Hey, why'd you doubt? Don't have little faith. What if...?" This was an invitation from a loving Savior, not an accusation.
Whenever you start to doubt, or someone you love starts to doubt, you don't panic. It's not a time to panic—it's a time to process. It's a time to dialogue. It's a time to say, "Hey, let's talk through it. Let's explore. Let's keep pushing into Jesus."
The problem is that if we as Christians don't handle the doubt moment well—when someone asks a question or is hurt—we may unintentionally judge them in an accusatory way and push them away. This is when many people begin what's now called spiritual deconstruction.
Spiritual deconstruction is a controversial and emotionally charged subject in today's culture. It's not a new idea, though the term may be newer. The controversy exists partly because there are many different approaches and no single definition.
Deconstruction done poorly can hurt people, including the person deconstructing. Someone may be hurt by Christians and, while deconstructing, become bitter toward all of them. It's easy to be hurt at one restaurant and boycott all of them—we can do the same with Christians, writing off all churches because one let us down, or even hating our parents or ourselves.
Some pastors preach against deconstruction, saying, "Oh, they weren't really saved in the first place," or "If they really had faith, they wouldn't be doing this." But I respectfully believe they lack understanding.
Done well, there can actually be spiritual progress. Here's my definition of deconstruction done well: It's a sincere examination of your beliefs, to let go of what is untrue, so you can hold on to what is true. It's a sincere spiritual journey to examine whether what you've heard is contrary to God's heart. If it is, let it go so you can embrace what is true to His heart.
Deconstruction done well can actually be a form of discipleship where you're growing closer to Jesus.
Jesus Himself helped people deconstruct their false beliefs. In Matthew 5, Jesus said:
"You've heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."
Essentially, Jesus was saying: "You thought this was true, but I'm here to tell you that's not what is true. Here is what is actually true."
Five different times in Matthew 5, Jesus said, "You have heard it said, but I say to you..." He was deconstructing false beliefs.
You see this with other disciples too. In Matthew 16, Jesus announced He would go to Jerusalem, suffer, be killed, and be raised back to life. Peter rejected this: "Nah, not gonna let it happen." Peter believed Jesus would be a conquering King, not a dying Messiah. Jesus responded, "You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns."
What was Jesus doing? He was discipling. He was teaching. You could say He was deconstructing Peter's wrong beliefs about Jesus as Messiah. Peter thought Jesus would achieve victory through conquest, but Jesus came to achieve victory through sacrifice. Jesus invited Peter to let go of what wasn't true so he could hold on to what is true.
You might think you build your belief system directly from the Bible. But honestly, you don't. You build your belief system based on how your church teaches the Bible. Some of us teach it with different approaches.
You build your beliefs based on:
No matter how smart you are, no matter how many theological degrees you have, you bring your own filters every time you read the Bible. You can't read it without them.
You pick up beliefs as you go. Many of your beliefs about God are true and biblical and God-honoring. But because we are all flawed people, not everything you pick up along the way is true.
I grew up in a United Methodist Church where we talked about Jesus and God. Then I became a Christian and immediately went to a hyper-charismatic church. I learned so much—about the Holy Spirit as comforter, guide, convict, the One who gives spiritual power and gifts, who produces fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace.
But at that church, we had a guest speaker who taught us about the "Holy Ghost gun." He said you could shoot people with this gun, and in this very charismatic setting, people would fall to the ground. I thought that was amazing at the time.
What I want to tell you is that this was a great church. I learned so much—about the Holy Spirit as comforter, guide, the One who convicts you, who gives you spiritual power, spiritual gifts, and fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace.
But at that church, we had a guest speaker who taught us about the "Holy Ghost gun." He said you could shoot people with this gun, and in this very charismatic setting, people would fall to the ground. I thought that was amazing. Until I realized the Holy Ghost gun's not in the Bible.
Then I went to a small group where very sincere people taught me that the way you speak in tongues is to push on someone's belly and say nonsensical phrases really fast. So I did that when I met Amy because she didn't speak in tongues. (True story.) But there's no Holy Ghost gun and you don't need a Honda to speak in tongues.
As you go through life, you pick up things. Some people add things. We have our extremes and our narrow little interpretations. I could go on for hours—some of you can't go to movies or you can't dance. Some places teach you have to name it and claim it. Or you have to vote a certain way to be a Christian, or those other people probably aren't Christians. Or you can't date in some Christian culture, or you can't listen to secular music, or you can't wear pants (if you're a woman), or no makeup, or no instruments in some places, or instruments are required in others.
And if you don't have instruments, then you don't have the Holy Ghost, but if you do have them somewhere else, you have the devil. You have to be baptized this way. You have to have communion every single week. You have to pray for an hour. When I grew up, you had to say "Amen" at the end of your prayers or you'd die and go to hell.
One day you wake up and you recognize that everything you believe about God may not be true. And when you discover parts of what you believe are not true, you don't have to leave the faith.
I'll give you an example. We have six children—four daughters—and three of my four daughters have health challenges. We found out years later that for their whole childhood, they grew up in two rooms infested with very dangerous mold. So what did we do? We deconstructed it. We tore out the bad and we rebuilt with the good. Just to be clear, our whole house wasn't bad. Just parts. So we didn't burn down the house. We just took out the parts that were not good.
When you discover that something you believe isn't true, you work to unbelieve it through sincere exploration. You unbelieve what isn't true and hold on and pursue what is true.
How do you build your belief system? You do it through the Bible. And you try to come to the Bible with the most sincere, objective view to hear the heart of a loving God. My most simple advice for you is to always read the Bible through the lens and love of Jesus.
If you are stuck, if you have questions, just go to the gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, and live there. Look at how Jesus loved. Look at who He loved. Look at how He treated the outcast, the lonely, the filthy, the sinners, the least of these. Read the Bible through the lens of Jesus's love.
Then one day you recognize: as Christians, our real goal isn't just to be right. Our real goal is to be loving, just like Jesus was loving.
Remember Peter. In many ways, Peter doubted. Peter denied. Three different times—not once, not twice, but three times—he did not have the faith to believe that Jesus was the Son of God and denied Him for his own selfish benefit.
But what I can tell you is what Jesus did, how Jesus responded. In the same way that Jesus went to doubting Thomas and initiated, in the same way that Jesus extended His hand to a sinking Peter, that same Jesus went to Peter after his doubts, after his denial. And three times Peter denied Jesus. And three times Jesus forgave him:
"Do you love Me? Feed My sheep."
"Do you love Me? Feed My sheep."
"Do you love Me? Feed My sheep."
Peter would've known the story that when one sheep gets away, the Good Shepherd leaves the 90 and nine to go for the one, just like He might be coming for you today.
Who did God choose to preach at Pentecost, the day that 3,000 people were saved? Peter, whose faith was built after doubt. Proving that doubt is not the enemy of faith, but doubt is often an invitation into a deeper faith.
Thirty years later, Peter writes: "For you were like sheep going astray, but now you've returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." Who better to say this than a lost sheep who is rescued by the hand of Jesus in his doubts?
Jesus knew firsthand the love, the grace, the mercy—that the Good Shepherd wasn't a conquering King, but a suffering servant who laid down His life. I can deal with the rest of the junk if I can just have that Jesus. That's how good He is, and that's why I follow Him.
In our church, in our small groups, in our discussions, we can be a safe place to ask hard questions. We don't shame. We just keep pursuing You. We just keep showing back up. And as best we can, we keep searching and trusting and following You.
If there are things along the way that we picked up that are not true, that are harmful, that are far from Your heart, give us the wisdom in a healthy community to remove those things, to not believe them. So we can believe what is true.
Some of you may doubt God. Some of you may doubt His involvement for you. Does He love you? There will never be a day where I'll be able to prove it to you. At some point, you're gonna have to either reject it or believe it by faith.
The Bible says that we are saved not by our own efforts, not by our religious works, but only by grace through faith. You'll be putting your faith in a God who says He loves you. Who created you. And even when we stepped away from Him, even when we walked away from His ways, He continued to love us so much that He sent His Son Jesus, the perfect Son of God who was without sin, who died on a cross, became sin for us.
God raised Him from the dead so that anyone—and this includes you—doesn't matter what you've done, doesn't matter how big your doubts are, doesn't matter how dark your life is, anyone who calls on that name, the name of Jesus, your sins would be forgiven and you would be made new.
It's gonna take faith. You're saved, you're changed, you're new, not by religion, not by getting it right, not by perfect theology, but by faith in Jesus. When you put your faith there, you'll be different. You'll be new.
There are thousands of people coming to faith in Christ all over the world, and we celebrate that. But it's equally important to notice that some Christians are deciding not to be Christians anymore. While many are converting to Christ, some are deconverting away from Christ. There are people choosing to say, "I'm choosing not to follow Jesus." As a pastor, a dad, and someone who loves many people, this hits really close to home.
We raised six children, and they grew up with a broad community of friends—both from homeschooling and from private and public schools. Many of these young people who grew up in our home are faithfully serving Jesus today. But for some of them, somewhere along the way, they had questions and couldn't find the answers. They faced real spiritual doubts and hurts, and rather than pursuing a growing relationship with Jesus, some chose to walk away from the faith.
Instead of shaming or blaming those who walk away, we should consider taking some responsibility for where we as Christians might be getting things wrong. We should be open-minded and consider how, with God's help, we can do things even better.
We find a powerful example in Peter, a complicated figure in Scripture who often faced doubts. In Matthew 14, the disciples are out on a boat when Jesus walks up on water. The disciples are terrified, thinking they've seen a ghost, but Jesus tells them it's Him.
Peter calls out: "Lord, if it's You, tell me to come to You on the water." Jesus says, "Come." Peter gets out of the boat and walks on water toward Jesus—he actually walked on water. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and began to sink. He cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out and caught him, saying, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
Peter deserves credit for being the only disciple with the courage to get out of the boat and walk on water in the first place.
Jesus's question—"Why did you doubt?"—is not an accusation, but an invitation. For years this passage bothered me, and I saw it as condemning. But as I matured in my faith and learned more about Jesus's character and nature, I realized I'd been reading it wrong.
Jesus is always loving, always full of grace, always compassionate. When Jesus asks, "Why did you doubt?" this isn't something condemning. Instead of letting Peter sink and saying, "Well, there you go—you're a loser with no faith," Jesus reached out His hand. Someone who is loving reaches out their hand. When Peter was drowning in his doubt, Jesus came to him and met him there.
I think Jesus was smiling and inviting, saying something like: "Hey Peter, why'd you doubt, bro? I'm on the water. You can be on the water. Why'd you doubt Me? Remember the loaves and the fishes? Remember the water and the wine? Remember the eyes that can now see and the ears that can now hear? Hey, why'd you doubt? Don't have little faith. What if...?" This was an invitation from a loving Savior, not an accusation.
Whenever you start to doubt, or someone you love starts to doubt, you don't panic. It's not a time to panic—it's a time to process. It's a time to dialogue. It's a time to say, "Hey, let's talk through it. Let's explore. Let's keep pushing into Jesus."
The problem is that if we as Christians don't handle the doubt moment well—when someone asks a question or is hurt—we may unintentionally judge them in an accusatory way and push them away. This is when many people begin what's now called spiritual deconstruction.
Spiritual deconstruction is a controversial and emotionally charged subject in today's culture. It's not a new idea, though the term may be newer. The controversy exists partly because there are many different approaches and no single definition.
Deconstruction done poorly can hurt people, including the person deconstructing. Someone may be hurt by Christians and, while deconstructing, become bitter toward all of them. It's easy to be hurt at one restaurant and boycott all of them—we can do the same with Christians, writing off all churches because one let us down, or even hating our parents or ourselves.
Some pastors preach against deconstruction, saying, "Oh, they weren't really saved in the first place," or "If they really had faith, they wouldn't be doing this." But I respectfully believe they lack understanding.
Done well, there can actually be spiritual progress. Here's my definition of deconstruction done well: It's a sincere examination of your beliefs, to let go of what is untrue, so you can hold on to what is true. It's a sincere spiritual journey to examine whether what you've heard is contrary to God's heart. If it is, let it go so you can embrace what is true to His heart.
Deconstruction done well can actually be a form of discipleship where you're growing closer to Jesus.
Jesus Himself helped people deconstruct their false beliefs. In Matthew 5, Jesus said:
"You've heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you."
Essentially, Jesus was saying: "You thought this was true, but I'm here to tell you that's not what is true. Here is what is actually true."
Five different times in Matthew 5, Jesus said, "You have heard it said, but I say to you..." He was deconstructing false beliefs.
You see this with other disciples too. In Matthew 16, Jesus announced He would go to Jerusalem, suffer, be killed, and be raised back to life. Peter rejected this: "Nah, not gonna let it happen." Peter believed Jesus would be a conquering King, not a dying Messiah. Jesus responded, "You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns."
What was Jesus doing? He was discipling. He was teaching. You could say He was deconstructing Peter's wrong beliefs about Jesus as Messiah. Peter thought Jesus would achieve victory through conquest, but Jesus came to achieve victory through sacrifice. Jesus invited Peter to let go of what wasn't true so he could hold on to what is true.
You might think you build your belief system directly from the Bible. But honestly, you don't. You build your belief system based on how your church teaches the Bible. Some of us teach it with different approaches.
You build your beliefs based on:
No matter how smart you are, no matter how many theological degrees you have, you bring your own filters every time you read the Bible. You can't read it without them.
You pick up beliefs as you go. Many of your beliefs about God are true and biblical and God-honoring. But because we are all flawed people, not everything you pick up along the way is true.
I grew up in a United Methodist Church where we talked about Jesus and God. Then I became a Christian and immediately went to a hyper-charismatic church. I learned so much—about the Holy Spirit as comforter, guide, convict, the One who gives spiritual power and gifts, who produces fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace.
But at that church, we had a guest speaker who taught us about the "Holy Ghost gun." He said you could shoot people with this gun, and in this very charismatic setting, people would fall to the ground. I thought that was amazing at the time.
What I want to tell you is that this was a great church. I learned so much—about the Holy Spirit as comforter, guide, the One who convicts you, who gives you spiritual power, spiritual gifts, and fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace.
But at that church, we had a guest speaker who taught us about the "Holy Ghost gun." He said you could shoot people with this gun, and in this very charismatic setting, people would fall to the ground. I thought that was amazing. Until I realized the Holy Ghost gun's not in the Bible.
Then I went to a small group where very sincere people taught me that the way you speak in tongues is to push on someone's belly and say nonsensical phrases really fast. So I did that when I met Amy because she didn't speak in tongues. (True story.) But there's no Holy Ghost gun and you don't need a Honda to speak in tongues.
As you go through life, you pick up things. Some people add things. We have our extremes and our narrow little interpretations. I could go on for hours—some of you can't go to movies or you can't dance. Some places teach you have to name it and claim it. Or you have to vote a certain way to be a Christian, or those other people probably aren't Christians. Or you can't date in some Christian culture, or you can't listen to secular music, or you can't wear pants (if you're a woman), or no makeup, or no instruments in some places, or instruments are required in others.
And if you don't have instruments, then you don't have the Holy Ghost, but if you do have them somewhere else, you have the devil. You have to be baptized this way. You have to have communion every single week. You have to pray for an hour. When I grew up, you had to say "Amen" at the end of your prayers or you'd die and go to hell.
One day you wake up and you recognize that everything you believe about God may not be true. And when you discover parts of what you believe are not true, you don't have to leave the faith.
I'll give you an example. We have six children—four daughters—and three of my four daughters have health challenges. We found out years later that for their whole childhood, they grew up in two rooms infested with very dangerous mold. So what did we do? We deconstructed it. We tore out the bad and we rebuilt with the good. Just to be clear, our whole house wasn't bad. Just parts. So we didn't burn down the house. We just took out the parts that were not good.
When you discover that something you believe isn't true, you work to unbelieve it through sincere exploration. You unbelieve what isn't true and hold on and pursue what is true.
How do you build your belief system? You do it through the Bible. And you try to come to the Bible with the most sincere, objective view to hear the heart of a loving God. My most simple advice for you is to always read the Bible through the lens and love of Jesus.
If you are stuck, if you have questions, just go to the gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, and live there. Look at how Jesus loved. Look at who He loved. Look at how He treated the outcast, the lonely, the filthy, the sinners, the least of these. Read the Bible through the lens of Jesus's love.
Then one day you recognize: as Christians, our real goal isn't just to be right. Our real goal is to be loving, just like Jesus was loving.
Remember Peter. In many ways, Peter doubted. Peter denied. Three different times—not once, not twice, but three times—he did not have the faith to believe that Jesus was the Son of God and denied Him for his own selfish benefit.
But what I can tell you is what Jesus did, how Jesus responded. In the same way that Jesus went to doubting Thomas and initiated, in the same way that Jesus extended His hand to a sinking Peter, that same Jesus went to Peter after his doubts, after his denial. And three times Peter denied Jesus. And three times Jesus forgave him:
"Do you love Me? Feed My sheep."
"Do you love Me? Feed My sheep."
"Do you love Me? Feed My sheep."
Peter would've known the story that when one sheep gets away, the Good Shepherd leaves the 90 and nine to go for the one, just like He might be coming for you today.
Who did God choose to preach at Pentecost, the day that 3,000 people were saved? Peter, whose faith was built after doubt. Proving that doubt is not the enemy of faith, but doubt is often an invitation into a deeper faith.
Thirty years later, Peter writes: "For you were like sheep going astray, but now you've returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." Who better to say this than a lost sheep who is rescued by the hand of Jesus in his doubts?
Jesus knew firsthand the love, the grace, the mercy—that the Good Shepherd wasn't a conquering King, but a suffering servant who laid down His life. I can deal with the rest of the junk if I can just have that Jesus. That's how good He is, and that's why I follow Him.
In our church, in our small groups, in our discussions, we can be a safe place to ask hard questions. We don't shame. We just keep pursuing You. We just keep showing back up. And as best we can, we keep searching and trusting and following You.
If there are things along the way that we picked up that are not true, that are harmful, that are far from Your heart, give us the wisdom in a healthy community to remove those things, to not believe them. So we can believe what is true.
Some of you may doubt God. Some of you may doubt His involvement for you. Does He love you? There will never be a day where I'll be able to prove it to you. At some point, you're gonna have to either reject it or believe it by faith.
The Bible says that we are saved not by our own efforts, not by our religious works, but only by grace through faith. You'll be putting your faith in a God who says He loves you. Who created you. And even when we stepped away from Him, even when we walked away from His ways, He continued to love us so much that He sent His Son Jesus, the perfect Son of God who was without sin, who died on a cross, became sin for us.
God raised Him from the dead so that anyone—and this includes you—doesn't matter what you've done, doesn't matter how big your doubts are, doesn't matter how dark your life is, anyone who calls on that name, the name of Jesus, your sins would be forgiven and you would be made new.
It's gonna take faith. You're saved, you're changed, you're new, not by religion, not by getting it right, not by perfect theology, but by faith in Jesus. When you put your faith there, you'll be different. You'll be new.
