The Lost Fruit: Kindness and Gentleness in Conflict

The Lost Fruit: Kindness and Gentleness in Conflict

Introduction

Good morning. I'm so glad to be with you today at Central Church. I can feel the warmth and radiance that God has brought upon this place. It's a great church, and if you're new here, you've found a good spot.

I want to start by asking: How many of you are experiencing conflict right now? Conflict between husband and wife, parent and child, coworker, family member—by show of hands, who's facing relational conflict today?

Here's what I've learned: God doesn't call you to rightness. God calls you to oneness. And the only way to get to oneness is through a certain kind of humility that only the Holy Spirit can give you. The Holy Spirit has the power to help you show up in conflict the way Jesus would—primarily through two fruits: kindness and gentleness.

Scripture Foundation: Galatians 5:16-23

Let me read from Galatians 5:

But I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalry, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Paul is talking about the power of the Spirit to help you show up in relational conflict the way Jesus would. The issue for every believer is this: Will I let the Holy Spirit do what He wants to do in and through me?

God's Way vs. Our Way: The Treasure in the Box

Let me illustrate this with a story. You may have heard of the TV show Antiques Road Show. An Air Force veteran brought in a Rolex watch he'd bought in Thailand for $350 fifty years earlier and left in his attic. When the appraiser examined it, his eyes went wide. He said, "Sir, this original Rolex with Swiss movement is absolutely remarkable. The factory where it was made burned down, making it even more valuable. This would easily fetch $700,000 at auction."

The man was so shocked he fell out of his chair. In one moment, his entire life changed.

But here's the lesson: The question was never whether he had treasure. The question was: Would he let the treasure out of the box?

Believers, you have treasure. The Holy Spirit is there to help you talk like Jesus, walk like Jesus, and act like Jesus. So the question is not whether you have the power—the question is: Will you let His power out of the box?

The Context: A Culture of Rage

We live in what behavioral psychologists call "the age of rage." Everyone is angry. Social media algorithms learned that anger generates more clicks than joy or warmth. If they can get you ticked, they'll keep you clicked.

If you're not careful, this anger will bleed into the Church. Even Christians sometimes think that standing up for Jesus means being bodacious, belligerent, and angry. But Jesus was meek and mild, and He saved the whole planet because He showed up different.

The statistics tell the story:

• Road rage shootings have risen 449% in the last 5 years
• Airport assaults have risen 3,000% since the pandemic
• Cyberbullying has doubled in the last 10 years

We are too mean. We're too nasty. God asks: "What would it mean for you to go against the current of the world and show up like Jesus?"

Understanding Kindness: Christotes

Let's talk about kindness—the Greek word christotes (χρηστότης).

Kindness means to be sweet and humble. It means not to cause irritation if you don't have to. Technically, kindness means that by faith in the power of the Holy Spirit, you hold back punishment someone deserves.

But here's the critical part: This word is almost always used in the context of the grace and mercy Jesus gave you. Look at Ephesians 2:7:

So that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace and kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

Here's your story, believer: Everything on paper said you deserved death, hell, and the grave. Justice demanded that's what you should get. But the gospel is this: 2,000 years ago on a cross called Calvary, Jesus took death, hell, and the grave upon Himself and held it back from you.

Now the Holy Spirit says to you: "Your turn. That person deserves death, hell, and the grave. Why don't you do them like I did you and hold it back?"

Biblical Kindness Will Look Crazy

When you show up like Jesus, prepare yourself: biblical kindness will look crazy. It's not what the world does.

I grew up in Pearl, Mississippi. When I was seven years old, I was bored and throwing rocks across the yard. A demon whispered, "Throw them at a car." An angel said, "No, Ricky, don't do that." But I wasn't saved yet, so I threw the rocks.

They hit a white 1983 Cadillac. The car screeched to a halt. An African-American sister got out, looking like she was about to lay me out. She started walking toward me with fury in her eyes. I thought for sure I was done.

But then she stopped. She turned around, got in her car, and drove off.

Even as a seven-year-old, I thought, "That lady is crazy." But I also thought it was unforgettably kind. And God says: When I call you to show up and talk like Jesus, the world will call you crazy—but it'll make a difference in your relationships. When someone deserves heat from throwing rocks at you, the Holy Spirit gives you the power to respond with kindness instead.

Understanding Gentleness: Prautes

Now let's talk about gentleness—the Greek word prautes (πραΰτης).

I have three kids: a 12-year-old who loves guitar and drawing, a seven-year-old daughter I absolutely adore, and a middle child—a nine-year-old boy with extra testosterone. He's turned up all the time. As soon as I walk in the house, he's in midair trying to drop-kick me.

Several times a day, his mom and I put our hands on his shoulders and say softly, "Grant, Grant... gentle." That's Holy Spirit gentleness.

The Greek word prautes refers to a harness that the Greeks would put on a wild, ferocious animal to keep the powerful beast from biting or attacking someone. The Holy Spirit says: When your flesh wants to get wild and ferocious, call on Me and I'll be your harness to keep you from biting or attacking someone.

Now, nine out of ten of you when I said "gentleness," what you heard was weakness. But biblical gentleness is actually much stronger than strength. It is not weakness.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 4:21:

What do you wish? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of gentleness?

Paul is saying, "Which version of me do you want?" He's not weak. He can "get crunk" with the best of them. But he yields to the power of the Spirit.

Whereas kindness is holding back the punishment they deserve, gentleness is bringing forth the goodness they don't deserve.

Some Doors Only Gentleness Opens

Listen: There are some doors in your life that only gentleness will open.

Some of you have been thinking, "What is going on with her? Why can't he get it? Why is this coworker so obstinate? I'm right. I have more sense, more experience. Why is there still this fracture in our relationship?"

Friends, sometimes the only thing that's going to reach that person's heart is not your rightness. It's not your resources. It's not even your patience. It is gentleness that opens the heart.

A Story of Gentleness That Changed Everything

I'm a fourth-generation pastor. My great-grandfather was a pastor, my grandfather was a pastor, my father was a pastor. I grew up in a strict, authoritarian setting. My folks loved me, but they didn't play.

When I was eighteen, my senior year, I decided I was going to live my life. I had a midnight curfew for prom, but I didn't care. I got a custom tux—black pants with satin stripes, pegged legs, patent leather pointy shoes, a black and gold sequined vest, a satin strap, and a golden lion's head brooch. I was large and in charge.

After prom was a party. After the party was an after-party. After the after-party was something I'm not willing to confess. I walked into my fourth-generation pastor's home at 6 a.m., expecting fury.

My mama looked at me, turned around, and walked out. I thought, "Oh, so this is how I die."

I backed up to my room like a Navy SEAL and went to sleep. When I woke up, I was waiting for the boom. Two hours later, my mama came out fully dressed, with fresh activator on her Jerry curl. She said, "Baby boy, we're going to have ourselves a special day. Go get on some nice clothes, brush your teeth, get your hair done. You're getting ready to go to college, and I'm going to buy your college clothes. We're going to have a wonderful day—just you and me."

I thought, "She's going to drive us off a cliff."

We drove for three hours. I waited for it. Then she pulled over on I-55 North Frontage Road next to St. Dominic Hospital.

She burst into tears.

She sobbed so hard I started crying. Between the tears, she said: "Baby, I've been praying for you all night. All I want to know is: what was going on in your soul that made you act like that? Whatever it is, I love you. God loves you. And you are better than this. Whatever's wrong, me and you and Jesus—we can fix it. You just let mama in."

It was the way she came at me—not with anger, but with gentleness—that changed my heart forever.

I confessed my sins to my mother that day. That chapter of my life never came back. In 1997, my mama passed away from breast cancer. But I know where she is.

When I get to heaven, Jesus will throw me up in the air like I do my seven-year-old daughter and say, "Rick, you made it!" He'll kiss me a hundred times and draw all my tears. And He'll say, "There's somebody who insisted they be the first ones to greet you."

And I'll see my mama. Before I hug her, I'm going to say: "I-55 North Frontage Road, right next to St. Dominic Hospital. Mama, you showed me gentleness, and it changed my life forever."

Conclusion: The Gospel of Gentleness

The gospel is this: 2,000 years ago, God took you off a cross and put Jesus on it. He showed gentleness toward you.

You're here today because God tried another route. And the reason your relationship will turn around is when you try another route too.

Let the Holy Spirit out of the box. Show up with His kindness. Show up with His gentleness. When you do, you'll look crazy to the world—but you'll save the relationship that matters.