The Right Response to Rejection

The Right Response to Rejection

I want you to try and think back to a time you've tried to invite someone to a Christian event. Perhaps our dialogue events week back in March, or the "God, how can I know" events in May, or our most recent guest event. Lots of us will have invited people from our offices, our schools, or our friends and family. Say you asked four people to come along — I guess many of us will have had four nos.

And maybe for some of us, one person said yes. But even the person who did come along had a nice time and yet hasn't really talked about it with you since. Now things are just a little bit awkward between you.

I wonder what you're planning to do the next time you have an opportunity to invite someone — say, at Christmas. I know my temptation is to ask fewer people. Instead of four, maybe three, or just one or two. And I want to make those invites really count, so I'll ask people who I think might come — and I'm definitely going to steer clear of that person who came last time, because it's just too awkward.

We wouldn't be alone if we thought that way. A survey of Christians in America from a few years ago found that 44% of Christians would avoid a spiritual conversation with a friend who's not yet a Christian if they thought they would be rejected.

The simple application of our passage today is to do the opposite.

When we experience rejection, we should speak more, not less.

Rejection should lead us to proclaim God's word more — and that's because of how God's word works.

Today we're beginning a three-week series in Matthew chapter 13. Matthew, in his gospel, wants us to be disciples of Jesus who make more disciples. But how do we keep going in the face of rejection by many?

Many of us who have been speaking about Jesus for years know the feeling of regular rejection. We might be feeling weary today. We keep speaking, but it's hard. I hope this passage will encourage us to keep going.

And if you're here today exploring Christianity — perhaps you were invited to come — we are thrilled you are here. We believe we have the very best news in the entire world, and we want to share it. But it is a message that many people reject.

To help us in the face of rejection, Jesus tells us one of his most famous parables. It will be familiar to many of us, but I've been struck again by it, and my prayer is that we will be too.

Our passage splits into three sections. First, Jesus tells the parable to the vast crowd in front of him. Then he comes inside a house and explains to his disciples why he speaks in parables. And finally, he explains the parable itself.

Point One: Tell Lots of People — Because the Seed Is Special

In verses 1 to 3, a vast crowd has gathered to hear Jesus. It is so great that Jesus gets into a boat and casts out to sea so he can speak to them all, telling them many things in parables. He begins with what he later calls the parable of the sower.

A sower went out to sow, and as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. (v. 4)

Many in the crowd would have been farmers, familiar with this imagery. But it's easy to read this parable and miss the drama of it — the way someone first listening might hear it.

As you read it, it seems Jesus is telling a story about a careless farmer. The sower sows the seed, and instead of finding the soil, it falls on the path and the birds eat it. Seed would be a precious item to a peasant farmer, and he'd likely only have a limited amount. Some of it has now been wasted as bird feed.

But let's be generous. Maybe he was just aiming for the good soil, sowed a bit too close to the edge, and hit the path by mistake.

Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched, and since they had no root, they withered away. (v. 5–6)

Now he's hitting rocky ground. The plant grows for a bit, then withers in the burning sun. Again — sometimes rocks are hidden below the surface. Maybe he thought the ground was good there. But a farmer listening would be thinking, surely this man knows his land better than to waste his seed. What's going on?

Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. (v. 7)

Seriously — what is this man doing? He's being careless. No, actually, this is reckless. He is wasting his precious seed by throwing it anywhere. He's not going to get any crop.

It's a bit like Jeremy in the early days of Clarkson's Farm — can't work his seed spreader, in the wrong field, acting like a clown, with Caleb stood there, head in his hands. But it's no problem for a multi-millionaire to have a bad harvest. The sower in the parable does not have that luxury. He's wasting his precious seed, he's going to ruin his business, and have no food or money to feed his family. This is a disaster.

Unless he knows something that we don't.

Three rounds of devastating failure — and then verse 8:

Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. (v. 8)

The farmer isn't an idiot. He isn't reckless. He knows exactly what he's doing — because he knows the seed he has sown is special. When it finds good soil, it will bear an enormous harvest.

A usual harvest might be five or tenfold, but this seed yields 30, 60, 100-fold. These figures are at the very top end of the best harvests — not totally impossible to imagine, but extraordinary. A hundredfold blessing in Genesis 26 is a sign of the Lord's abundant blessing on Isaac.

This seed, when it finds the right soil, is amazingly fruitful, and it more than makes up for the earlier losses. Which means the earlier liberal sowing wasn't foolish at all. The farmer knew he'd get a massive return. He trusts the seed is powerful to bear fruit.

With returns like this, you can afford to sow liberally. You can afford for there to be many failures and wasted seed — because when the seed finds that good soil, bam, what a harvest.

As Jesus explains later in verse 18, the seed is the word of the kingdom. The parable shows that the seed of God's word is to be sown widely. It's not a seed you need to worry about.

I remember when I was younger, my dad and I would grow plants by taking a single seed, placing it in a small pot, and gently tending it in the house before eventually taking it outside. This seed is totally different.

Lob it anywhere you can. Don't worry about waste. Tell anyone. Tell everyone — because the seed is special. It will produce a great harvest.

But as Jesus sows the seed, he also knows there will be negative responses.

Point Two: Nos Are Part of the Plan

Then the disciples came and said to him, "Why do you speak to them in parables?" (v. 10)

Why not just say what you mean, Jesus? His answer is that parables work to both reveal and conceal the truth. They divide people. They even cause nos.

Jesus is willing to reveal the truth to his disciples:

To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given. For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. (v. 11–12)

Jesus is both giving and taking as he speaks in parables.

This is why I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand. (v. 13)

Jesus is stopping some people from understanding. He is concealing the truth — which seems unfair. Why would Jesus stop people from understanding?

He explains in verses 14 and 15 that he speaks in parables to enact God's judgment on people who reject God. Jesus is doing the same thing Isaiah did in the Old Testament, quoting from Isaiah chapter 6, where God commissioned Isaiah to speak in order to enact his judgment. These were people who knew God's word but did nothing about it, repeatedly.

Notice the word for at the beginning of verse 15, explaining why Isaiah is sent:

For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed. (v. 15)

They didn't want to listen. You can imagine Isaiah coming to them, speaking about God — and what do they say? "Oh, shut up, Isaiah. Enough of that God chat. We don't want to hear it again." They reject the words of God that would heal them — deliberately.

The verse continues, "lest" they should turn "and I would heal them." Isaiah is sent to speak in order to confirm God's judgment, to push them to reject it, so they aren't healed.

Jesus's parables do the same. He has been preaching in Matthew's gospel, "Repent, for the kingdom of the heavens is at hand." But in chapters 11 and 12, God's own people are rejecting his words — just like in Isaiah's day. And so Jesus turns to speak to them in parables.

Many of the people who heard Jesus that day didn't ask him for help to know more. So they'd have left none the wiser, not knowing the secrets of the kingdom.

But Jesus wants to reveal the secrets. If you're investigating Jesus, he wants to make himself known to you. He says in verse 17 that the disciples who come to seek answers are blessed, hearing what God's Old Testament people longed to hear.

So is people's rejection of Jesus really Jesus rejecting them? No — it's part of God's plan. For those who persist in rejecting his word, nos are part of the plan.

I'm sure we've experienced this. Someone hears a little about Jesus, was never that bothered, and then you say something more clearly — and they get hostile. Or you speak to someone and think they're understanding, but as you go on, they seem to get more confused, lose interest. You're frustrated. What you're saying is so important, but they just glaze over.

Jesus's words work to judge those with an attitude of not wanting to listen.

Now, of course, when we explain the gospel we must be clear, not confusing, and we must not provoke negative responses by speaking the gospel in an offensive way. But when we see rejection or growing lack of understanding, we shouldn't worry. Nos are part of the plan.

You might be thinking: I get that there will be nos, and I understand I should sow liberally, but it just seems inefficient, wasteful. Surely we could just focus on the good soil and avoid all the rejections. Well, let's come to Jesus's explanation of the parable, and two reasons to tell more, not less, in the face of rejection.

Point Three: Tell More — Hidden Threats and a Certain Harvest

When Jesus first told the parable, he focused on the seemingly awful sowing before the overwhelming success at the end that more than made up for the earlier failures. In his explanation, he focuses on the reasons for the failures and the success.

There are three external threats to the word producing a great harvest in someone's life — and these three threats are hidden.

It's not clear in the parable whether the sower knew which soil he was hitting. But when we apply the parable to the real world, we cannot tell what soil we are hitting when we sow the word. We are blind to it.

Apparently modern farmers now spend time analysing their soil to maximise their harvest. But we can't do that. We can't tell what soil we'll hit when we sow the word. And because there are hidden threats, we should sow more, not less, in the hope of finding good soil.

Let's briefly think about each hidden threat.

The Devil

Hear then the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. (v. 18–19)

There is a real enemy at work to snatch the seed of God's word and stop it bearing fruit. Notice the person hears but does not understand — and instead of coming for answers, the devil comes and takes away what has been sown.

If we're not aware that there is a real, powerful opponent with his fingerprints all over this world, stopping good responses, then we won't keep going.

Persecution

In the next two soils, there is an initial positive response to the word, but ultimately no harvest.

As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. (v. 20–21)

A young disciple has responded to Jesus with joy — praise the Lord! But then the scorching sun of suffering comes. Their family is hostile, or there's bullying by their friends, or threats from HR at work — and soon they give up.

The World

As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. (v. 22)

Again, the disciple hears the word. Imagine a new Christian here at the 4pm. But then suddenly there's the prospect of promotion at work — it pays better, more holidays — but the hours are longer, so there's no time for church. They're never here to grow.

Or the Christian family who decide to buy a bigger house in a nicer area, but there's no Bible-teaching church anywhere nearby. Or just the busyness of life — worldly things, maybe not bad in themselves, but distracting.

Did you notice — riches deceive. They lie. They offer much. They fool us into thinking that the riches of Christ and his kingdom are worthless. And so the plant is choked, and there is no fruit.

There are three real threats we cannot see when we sow the word. We should tell more because some seed will not bear fruit.

A Certain Good Harvest

And we should tell more because we know there is good soil.

As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty. (v. 23)

There's a contrast here between the final good soil and the path back in verse 19. Both people hear the word, but only when the word is heard and understood does it lead to fruit. And when it is understood, it is enormously fruitful.

Jesus doesn't say exactly what the fruit is — whether it's a mature Christian abounding in good works. But more likely, I think, this is the believer who keeps passing on the word to others, so that many more disciples are made. I think that because most of the parables in the chapter end with some description of what God's future kingdom will be like. So we can say: God's word is going to produce a kingdom full of people. The word will produce a great harvest.

Now, although there are four soils, that doesn't mean a quarter of the people we speak to will be good soil. But what is clear is that there is good soil. There will be fruit. And so we should tell more.

When we experience rejection or see hidden threats at work, we might assume we'll face the same next time. But we're really just as likely to hit good soil next time. If we sow more and more, there's more chance we'll hit the good soil and miss the bad. Whereas if we reduce our sowing, we're less likely to hit the good soil.

Perseverance in Sowing

Of course, there are no guarantees. Many missionaries have sown faithfully for years and seen no fruit.

Adoniram Judson — mentioned earlier in the book we recommended — worked for six years in Burma before seeing his first convert, and that came at huge personal cost to him and his family. Even after that, growth was slow. But eventually many more were converted, and his example in ministry and his Bible translation work left a huge legacy that bore much fruit.

Closer to home: for years members of our church family shared the gospel with speakers from a Muslim background in the East End of London. For years, seeds were sown with so little fruit. Yet now, 20 years later, a church is meeting weekly. There is fruit — despite the devil, persecution, and the world.

Closer still: I know someone at the 4pm who ran an online Bible study group during COVID with two guys who just didn't seem to care. But he kept going for six years — and now both guys are interested. Actually, he told me earlier, they're Christians now. Isn't that wonderful?

There is good soil out there.

So how can we persevere as disciple-making disciples when we get many nos? Jesus has shown us that the word of the kingdom can and should be sown liberally. Tell anyone. Tell everyone. Don't worry that many will reject it or not respond — because when the seed finds good soil, the fruit it produces far outweighs the failure.

There are four soils, and one of them is good. The final outcome is a great harvest. Rejection once does not mean rejection the next time.

So when we experience rejection, we shouldn't stop. We should sow more. We're part of a mission with guaranteed success. Of course, there's no personal guarantee that the people I tell will become Christians — but Jesus says there's good soil waiting to be found. And if we haven't sown enough, maybe we've simply not found the good soil yet.

So when we get a no, pray that the next time would be a yes — and speak more to find that good soil.

Let's Pray

Heavenly Father, please would you help us to have the right expectations as we speak the words about Jesus and his coming kingdom. When we face rejection or lack of interest, please help us to trust what Jesus says in this parable. Help us not to stop speaking, but to speak more. And may the word find good soil and bear fruit — a hundredfold, sixtyfold, thirtyfold. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.