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Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
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Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Continue exploring
Connected by scripture or shared themes.
In 2023, the United States Surgeon General issued a striking report identifying the greatest health crisis in our country: the epidemic of loneliness and isolation. Over 50% of American adults report experiencing severe anxiety because of loneliness and isolation. Remarkably, one profession ranks even higher than the general population—pastors, with 76% reporting feelings of deep loneliness.
The health consequences are staggering. Loneliness and isolation are more dangerous to your health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. People who are lonely are 39% more likely to experience a stroke, 40% more likely to have heart disease, and 50% are at risk of premature death—men at higher risk than women.
The report identified three primary causes: screen time, despite our digital connectivity making us more lonely than ever; our busyness, as schedules have become so full that we spend an average of 20 fewer hours with friends than we did in 2003; and job relocation, as people uproot themselves from their support systems in search of economic opportunity.
God's remedy for our isolation is not found in isolation itself, but in the church—the community of believers where we have one another. Solomon understood this 3,000 years ago, and it remains profoundly true today.
The foundation for this truth lies in Genesis 1:26-28. God said, "Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness." Notice the plural language. Theologians call this the "magisterial plural" because God himself exists in relationship—the Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. When God created us in his image, one of the ways we bear that image is that we are created for relationship.
"Then God said, let us make man in our image according to our likeness. So God created man in his own image. He created him in the image of God. He created them male and female. God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it."
At the end of creation, God looked at all he had made and declared it "very good." Yet as we zoom into the more intimate portrait in Genesis 2:18, we find something striking:
"Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone."
The only thing God declared "not good" in all of creation was loneliness. God created Eve as a gift to Adam, and Adam's response—the world's first love song—captures the joy of relationship:
"This one at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She will be called woman because she was taken from man."
But the fall fractured everything. Instead of remaining content in relationship with God, Adam and Eve chose to take what was not theirs. When God confronted Adam, Adam did not take responsibility—he blamed the woman and, indirectly, God himself:
"The woman who you gave to be with me..."
As a result, the curse entered human relationships. We were created like God to be givers, but now we try to take—even from the people we love most. This brokenness plays out in countless ways, beginning with the violation of the tenth commandment: envy.
Solomon addresses this directly in Ecclesiastes 4:4: "I saw that all labor and skillful work is due to one person's jealousy of another." We see what others have and want it for ourselves. We strive to keep up with the Joneses, building our lives on foundations of comparison and envy. Solomon calls this "a chasing of the wind" and declares it all feudal (empty, futile).
Some people, realizing they cannot keep up, take the opposite extreme. Ecclesiastes 4:5 describes how "the fool folds his arms and consumes his own flesh"—a Hebrew expression for self-destruction and withdrawal from life.
But there is a better way. Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 4:6:
"Better is one handful with rest than two handfuls with effort and a pursuit of the wind."
It is better to work 40 hours a week with rest and time for meaningful relationships than to work 80 hours in endless pursuit of more.
Perhaps the most tragic scenario is the person Solomon describes in Ecclesiastes 4:7-8:
"There's a person without a companion, without even a son or a brother, and though there is no end to all his struggles, his eyes are still not content with the riches that he has. Who am I struggling for? he asked. And depriving myself of good things."
This is the tragedy of accumulating everything but having no one meaningful with whom to share it. It is the gospel of Scrooge—a life of possessions but not of relationships.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 speaks directly to this need:
"Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if even if either falls, his companion can lift him up. But pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Also, if two lie down together, how can they keep warm? But how can one person alone keep warm? And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken."
Solomon was likely speaking to travelers on the difficult, rocky road to Jerusalem—a dangerous journey in those times. The practical benefits of companionship are clear:
The African proverb captures this wisdom: "If you want to go fast, you go alone. But if you want to go far, you go together." Our culture pushes speed and individual achievement, but the journey of life requires community.
But the passage goes further. "A cord of three strands is not easily broken." We are bound together not merely by human relationship, but by a triune God who exists in relationship and who designed the church as a three-strand cord.
The metaphor is concrete: a single strand of rope breaks easily; two intertwined strands are stronger; but a three-strand braid—the kind used to pull a tractor out of a ditch—is incredibly strong. When God brings two people together, and the Holy Spirit and Christ are woven into that bond, the power is immeasurably greater than human love alone.
This is the design of the church. We have ourselves, we have others, and we have the power of Christ to bind us together. Even though we come from different backgrounds and experiences, when God brings us together in community, it is a powerful force unlike anything in the world.
Many of us say, "It's time to go to church," but remember: we don't go to church; we are the church. The building is wonderful, but the church is the people—you and the person sitting next to you.
I have been blessed my entire life with biblical community. My parents were not perfect, but they were good. I have been in church since before I was born. I have known the joys of biblical community my whole life. And I want to tell you honestly: I don't know how people do it alone.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, an insurance nurse began calling me every couple of weeks to check in. Rather than starting with my medical condition, she asked about my support system. I began to describe the outpouring of love I had received: cards arriving by the dozen every day, people reaching out from all 50 states and 84 countries, creative acts of service, and kindness beyond measure. One friend even sent me a massive Lego set of the HMS Endurance—a gift that spoke to me deeply because it referenced Romans 5 and the need to build endurance for what lay ahead.
When I finished describing all of this, the nurse asked, "Are you some kind of social media influencer? How do this many people know you have cancer?" I told her I was not a celebrity, but a pastor. And she replied, "Oh, I see. Well, I guess I can cross that off my sheet: has good support."
But then she told me something sobering. She said, "Probably about half the people I call have nobody. They may have some extended friends or family, but a lot of them talk about how lonely their cancer journey is."
How tragic. How sad. And what a gift we have in the body of Christ.
As a church, we have five spiritual challenge questions that help us gauge our spiritual health and condition. One of the most important is this:
When and where are you experiencing life-giving biblical community?
You may think you don't need it, but I promise you do. Whether you are seated in the sanctuary or watching online, we all need one another. We are hardwired for relationships, and God knows that we desperately need them.
Another way to ask the question is this: If you have a crisis at 3:00 a.m., who do you call? Do you have a friend at church, a believing friend you can rely on not only for physical help but for emotional and spiritual support?
Solomon reminds us that you can gain the whole world, lose your soul, and lose all your meaningful relationships in the process. Chasing the carrot is not worth very much if you have no one to share it with.
The world's ambition and busyness will convince you that you must do it all alone. That is a lie. You are not alone. There is a body called the body of Christ that wants to surround you and support you in every season.
But here is what this requires: You may have to say no not only to bad things, but to some good things to pursue the great thing of authentic relationships.
Many of you will hear this message and think, "I'm convicted. I need to find a Bible study or group." And you will try to tack it onto your already impossibly busy schedule. Don't do that. Instead, be brutally honest like Solomon. Look at your priorities and ask, "What is there in my life that I need to cut out? The world may call it good, but is it better than deep, authentic relationships with my brothers and sisters in Christ?"
Let me tell you a story. A few years ago, I was leading a men's group that met at 5:30 a.m. on Wednesday mornings. We walked through the Gospel of John and the pastoral letters together. One man in the group was offered a promotion that would require him to move. We prayed with him about the decision.
A couple of weeks later, I asked him what he had decided. He told me that he and his wife had relocated to Spring Hill, where they had no friends or family. But God led them to a church where they found community like family. Two of his kids came to Christ there. He and his wife go to ball games with the group, they help each other with their kids.
He said, "The decision for us was that a promotion and a little bit of money is not worth giving up the biblical community that we have here."
What a beautiful picture of setting your priorities in the right place.
Now, that was their decision, and it may not be everyone's decision. If God is calling you to a new assignment, you need to answer that call. But remember: do not assume that climbing the ladder and getting more is worth the cost of biblical community. And understand this: next to your relationship with the Lord, and next to your relationship with your spouse if you are married, your next most important obligation is to the body of Christ.
I hear this all the time: "I just couldn't find a group that fit me."
Let me be brutally honest: You are not perfect, and neither is the group you are going to find. Why? Because every group is full of imperfect pilgrims.
The goal is not to find people who talk like you, act like you, believe all the same things, or like the same foods and experiences. The goal of biblical community is to make us more like Christ. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor, wrote in his book Life Together:
"God will shatter your ideal of community until you love the people he's actually put you with."
He does that to grow your faith.
Yes, you should resonate with and connect with people in your group—that makes it enjoyable. But there will be people different from you, and praise God for that. You need what they bring to the group. They will grow you in ways others cannot.
Remember why we gather in community. As Paul writes in Galatians 6:1, we are there to "bear one another's burdens." Jesus said in Mark 10:45, "The son of man did not come to be served, but to serve." And in Romans 12:15, Paul tells us that in the church, "we rejoice with those who rejoice and we weep with those who weep."
We confess and pray together. And in doing so, God brings us together and grows us in faith.
Yes, you can attend church activities, worship services, mission journeys, and still be isolated and lonely. But Jesus spent the majority of his time with the twelve he was discipling. Even among them, he invested even more deeply in the three—Peter, James, and John.
Why? Because discipleship is not only taught; it is also caught. The disciples learned what it meant to be a follower of Jesus not only by hearing what he said, but by watching how he lived it out.
You and I need that biblical community as well. When and where are you finding it today?
Today, some of you have authentic relationships and deep community. Some of you know your life group leader and love them. Would you thank them? Would you praise God for the gift of not being alone?
But if you are sitting here and something pinged in you when I talked about the epidemic of loneliness and isolation—whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, we all need life-giving community—would you pray? Would you have the courage to step out of your comfort zone, to say no to some things so that you can say yes to a group, to a Bible study, to a church family that desperately wants you to be known?
Every small church wants to grow big, and every big church like ours has to work hard to stay small. Jesus had twelve close friends he could walk with, laugh with, cry with—people he invested in knowing they would carry the gospel to the nations.
Community is a gospel issue. Today, ask the Lord to give you life-giving biblical community. Recognize that these are not just earthly relationships; these are the brothers and sisters you will spend eternity with. You should get started now showing the world what Jesus's love looks like as we love one another.
In 2023, the United States Surgeon General issued a striking report identifying the greatest health crisis in our country: the epidemic of loneliness and isolation. Over 50% of American adults report experiencing severe anxiety because of loneliness and isolation. Remarkably, one profession ranks even higher than the general population—pastors, with 76% reporting feelings of deep loneliness.
The health consequences are staggering. Loneliness and isolation are more dangerous to your health than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. People who are lonely are 39% more likely to experience a stroke, 40% more likely to have heart disease, and 50% are at risk of premature death—men at higher risk than women.
The report identified three primary causes: screen time, despite our digital connectivity making us more lonely than ever; our busyness, as schedules have become so full that we spend an average of 20 fewer hours with friends than we did in 2003; and job relocation, as people uproot themselves from their support systems in search of economic opportunity.
God's remedy for our isolation is not found in isolation itself, but in the church—the community of believers where we have one another. Solomon understood this 3,000 years ago, and it remains profoundly true today.
The foundation for this truth lies in Genesis 1:26-28. God said, "Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness." Notice the plural language. Theologians call this the "magisterial plural" because God himself exists in relationship—the Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. When God created us in his image, one of the ways we bear that image is that we are created for relationship.
"Then God said, let us make man in our image according to our likeness. So God created man in his own image. He created him in the image of God. He created them male and female. God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it."
At the end of creation, God looked at all he had made and declared it "very good." Yet as we zoom into the more intimate portrait in Genesis 2:18, we find something striking:
"Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone."
The only thing God declared "not good" in all of creation was loneliness. God created Eve as a gift to Adam, and Adam's response—the world's first love song—captures the joy of relationship:
"This one at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She will be called woman because she was taken from man."
But the fall fractured everything. Instead of remaining content in relationship with God, Adam and Eve chose to take what was not theirs. When God confronted Adam, Adam did not take responsibility—he blamed the woman and, indirectly, God himself:
"The woman who you gave to be with me..."
As a result, the curse entered human relationships. We were created like God to be givers, but now we try to take—even from the people we love most. This brokenness plays out in countless ways, beginning with the violation of the tenth commandment: envy.
Solomon addresses this directly in Ecclesiastes 4:4: "I saw that all labor and skillful work is due to one person's jealousy of another." We see what others have and want it for ourselves. We strive to keep up with the Joneses, building our lives on foundations of comparison and envy. Solomon calls this "a chasing of the wind" and declares it all feudal (empty, futile).
Some people, realizing they cannot keep up, take the opposite extreme. Ecclesiastes 4:5 describes how "the fool folds his arms and consumes his own flesh"—a Hebrew expression for self-destruction and withdrawal from life.
But there is a better way. Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 4:6:
"Better is one handful with rest than two handfuls with effort and a pursuit of the wind."
It is better to work 40 hours a week with rest and time for meaningful relationships than to work 80 hours in endless pursuit of more.
Perhaps the most tragic scenario is the person Solomon describes in Ecclesiastes 4:7-8:
"There's a person without a companion, without even a son or a brother, and though there is no end to all his struggles, his eyes are still not content with the riches that he has. Who am I struggling for? he asked. And depriving myself of good things."
This is the tragedy of accumulating everything but having no one meaningful with whom to share it. It is the gospel of Scrooge—a life of possessions but not of relationships.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 speaks directly to this need:
"Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if even if either falls, his companion can lift him up. But pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Also, if two lie down together, how can they keep warm? But how can one person alone keep warm? And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken."
Solomon was likely speaking to travelers on the difficult, rocky road to Jerusalem—a dangerous journey in those times. The practical benefits of companionship are clear:
The African proverb captures this wisdom: "If you want to go fast, you go alone. But if you want to go far, you go together." Our culture pushes speed and individual achievement, but the journey of life requires community.
But the passage goes further. "A cord of three strands is not easily broken." We are bound together not merely by human relationship, but by a triune God who exists in relationship and who designed the church as a three-strand cord.
The metaphor is concrete: a single strand of rope breaks easily; two intertwined strands are stronger; but a three-strand braid—the kind used to pull a tractor out of a ditch—is incredibly strong. When God brings two people together, and the Holy Spirit and Christ are woven into that bond, the power is immeasurably greater than human love alone.
This is the design of the church. We have ourselves, we have others, and we have the power of Christ to bind us together. Even though we come from different backgrounds and experiences, when God brings us together in community, it is a powerful force unlike anything in the world.
Many of us say, "It's time to go to church," but remember: we don't go to church; we are the church. The building is wonderful, but the church is the people—you and the person sitting next to you.
I have been blessed my entire life with biblical community. My parents were not perfect, but they were good. I have been in church since before I was born. I have known the joys of biblical community my whole life. And I want to tell you honestly: I don't know how people do it alone.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, an insurance nurse began calling me every couple of weeks to check in. Rather than starting with my medical condition, she asked about my support system. I began to describe the outpouring of love I had received: cards arriving by the dozen every day, people reaching out from all 50 states and 84 countries, creative acts of service, and kindness beyond measure. One friend even sent me a massive Lego set of the HMS Endurance—a gift that spoke to me deeply because it referenced Romans 5 and the need to build endurance for what lay ahead.
When I finished describing all of this, the nurse asked, "Are you some kind of social media influencer? How do this many people know you have cancer?" I told her I was not a celebrity, but a pastor. And she replied, "Oh, I see. Well, I guess I can cross that off my sheet: has good support."
But then she told me something sobering. She said, "Probably about half the people I call have nobody. They may have some extended friends or family, but a lot of them talk about how lonely their cancer journey is."
How tragic. How sad. And what a gift we have in the body of Christ.
As a church, we have five spiritual challenge questions that help us gauge our spiritual health and condition. One of the most important is this:
When and where are you experiencing life-giving biblical community?
You may think you don't need it, but I promise you do. Whether you are seated in the sanctuary or watching online, we all need one another. We are hardwired for relationships, and God knows that we desperately need them.
Another way to ask the question is this: If you have a crisis at 3:00 a.m., who do you call? Do you have a friend at church, a believing friend you can rely on not only for physical help but for emotional and spiritual support?
Solomon reminds us that you can gain the whole world, lose your soul, and lose all your meaningful relationships in the process. Chasing the carrot is not worth very much if you have no one to share it with.
The world's ambition and busyness will convince you that you must do it all alone. That is a lie. You are not alone. There is a body called the body of Christ that wants to surround you and support you in every season.
But here is what this requires: You may have to say no not only to bad things, but to some good things to pursue the great thing of authentic relationships.
Many of you will hear this message and think, "I'm convicted. I need to find a Bible study or group." And you will try to tack it onto your already impossibly busy schedule. Don't do that. Instead, be brutally honest like Solomon. Look at your priorities and ask, "What is there in my life that I need to cut out? The world may call it good, but is it better than deep, authentic relationships with my brothers and sisters in Christ?"
Let me tell you a story. A few years ago, I was leading a men's group that met at 5:30 a.m. on Wednesday mornings. We walked through the Gospel of John and the pastoral letters together. One man in the group was offered a promotion that would require him to move. We prayed with him about the decision.
A couple of weeks later, I asked him what he had decided. He told me that he and his wife had relocated to Spring Hill, where they had no friends or family. But God led them to a church where they found community like family. Two of his kids came to Christ there. He and his wife go to ball games with the group, they help each other with their kids.
He said, "The decision for us was that a promotion and a little bit of money is not worth giving up the biblical community that we have here."
What a beautiful picture of setting your priorities in the right place.
Now, that was their decision, and it may not be everyone's decision. If God is calling you to a new assignment, you need to answer that call. But remember: do not assume that climbing the ladder and getting more is worth the cost of biblical community. And understand this: next to your relationship with the Lord, and next to your relationship with your spouse if you are married, your next most important obligation is to the body of Christ.
I hear this all the time: "I just couldn't find a group that fit me."
Let me be brutally honest: You are not perfect, and neither is the group you are going to find. Why? Because every group is full of imperfect pilgrims.
The goal is not to find people who talk like you, act like you, believe all the same things, or like the same foods and experiences. The goal of biblical community is to make us more like Christ. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German pastor, wrote in his book Life Together:
"God will shatter your ideal of community until you love the people he's actually put you with."
He does that to grow your faith.
Yes, you should resonate with and connect with people in your group—that makes it enjoyable. But there will be people different from you, and praise God for that. You need what they bring to the group. They will grow you in ways others cannot.
Remember why we gather in community. As Paul writes in Galatians 6:1, we are there to "bear one another's burdens." Jesus said in Mark 10:45, "The son of man did not come to be served, but to serve." And in Romans 12:15, Paul tells us that in the church, "we rejoice with those who rejoice and we weep with those who weep."
We confess and pray together. And in doing so, God brings us together and grows us in faith.
Yes, you can attend church activities, worship services, mission journeys, and still be isolated and lonely. But Jesus spent the majority of his time with the twelve he was discipling. Even among them, he invested even more deeply in the three—Peter, James, and John.
Why? Because discipleship is not only taught; it is also caught. The disciples learned what it meant to be a follower of Jesus not only by hearing what he said, but by watching how he lived it out.
You and I need that biblical community as well. When and where are you finding it today?
Today, some of you have authentic relationships and deep community. Some of you know your life group leader and love them. Would you thank them? Would you praise God for the gift of not being alone?
But if you are sitting here and something pinged in you when I talked about the epidemic of loneliness and isolation—whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, we all need life-giving community—would you pray? Would you have the courage to step out of your comfort zone, to say no to some things so that you can say yes to a group, to a Bible study, to a church family that desperately wants you to be known?
Every small church wants to grow big, and every big church like ours has to work hard to stay small. Jesus had twelve close friends he could walk with, laugh with, cry with—people he invested in knowing they would carry the gospel to the nations.
Community is a gospel issue. Today, ask the Lord to give you life-giving biblical community. Recognize that these are not just earthly relationships; these are the brothers and sisters you will spend eternity with. You should get started now showing the world what Jesus's love looks like as we love one another.
