What Did You Lose in the Process?

Life Is Lived from the Inside Out

I listened to Pastor Phil's message last Sunday, and he mentioned Proverbs 4:23:

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.

I believe that as Christians we live life from the inside out. What happens in our hearts, in our minds, in our inner world will eventually come out through our words, our attitudes, and our actions.

With that thought in mind, I want to take this understanding one step further. If the heart is the inside of a person, then home is the inside of our public life. Before we are seen on the platform, before we are known in the marketplace, before we are respected in the ministry, before people applaud us outside — there is a place called home.

And what happens inside the house will eventually influence what happens outside the house: in our work, our careers, our businesses, our leadership, and our ministries. If life is lived from the inside out, then home is where we start.

Busy Building Everything Except Home

We live in a very competitive world — this is true in Australia as well as in Indonesia. Many people are busy building businesses, building careers, building success. But sometimes, while they are busy building everything outside the home, they forget to build what matters most inside the home. They forget to do their homework.

Pastors and church leaders are no exception. Many are busy building churches, preaching, and ministering, but forget to nurture their relationships with the people closest to them at home.

I saw this manifested especially during the COVID era, during the pandemic and lockdown. Many husbands didn't know what to do with their wives being home all the time, and vice versa. Many parents didn't know what to do with their children being home all the time.

But the problem did not start during the lockdown. The problems were there all along. The lockdown only revealed what had been hidden. It simply removed the escape door. Before the pandemic, people could easily hide behind work, behind busyness, behind ministry. But when everyone was forced to stay home, suddenly they had to face what they had been avoiding. That is when many things exploded — because they were busy with the outside and had neglected the inside.

The People Who Know Us Most Should Not Receive the Least of Us

As pastors and leaders, of course we want the people of God to flourish in their outside world — to succeed in their businesses, careers, and ministries. But we must never forget this question:

What is the point of being admired by many, but being absent to the few who matter most?

The people who know us the most should not receive the least of us.

Back home, I have known people who were very successful in building businesses, careers, and even churches, but failed to build their own homes. When they go out, people roll out the red carpet. They are applauded wherever they go. People want to stop them, take a selfie, and hear the secret of their success. But when they go home, no one welcomes them, praises them, or celebrates them. They may have built a big and beautiful house, but their feet become heavy when it's time to go home. And that is a tragedy.

Marriage Is Part of Our Testimony

I've heard many people proudly talk about the success of their businesses, careers, or ministries. People will even pay money to attend seminars to hear their success stories. But rarely do I hear people talk proudly about the success of their marriage. I want to be the kind of person who talks proudly about my marriage — because for us as Christian leaders, marriage and family are part of our testimony.

I always say this to my pastors and leaders again and again:

You will always get invitations to minister if you have a healthy marriage. But the invitations will stop immediately when people start to find out that your marriage is in trouble.

So you had better set your priorities right. As Christian leaders — especially pastors — we must not only build our homes first, but also talk about it more, because our world needs good examples.

The world needs to see that marriage is still God's best idea. The world needs to see that forgiveness, honor, commitment, and covenant in the relationship called marriage still work. I truly believe the church is the best place to showcase what a healthy marriage looks like.

Marriage Is a Blueprint

Consider this:

• The Bible opens with the story of Adam and Eve.
• The Bible ends with the picture of Christ and His bride.
• The first miracle Jesus performed was at the wedding in Cana.
• The apostle Paul says the relationship between husband and wife is a picture — a blueprint — of the relationship between Christ and His church.

And what happens if the blueprint is destroyed? It becomes harder for people to imagine the real thing. That is why the devil loves to destroy marriages.

If children grow up seeing love, honor, forgiveness, and faithfulness between their mother and father, they will have a much easier time imagining the love of God toward them. All they need to do is look at how their father loves their mother, and how their mother respects their father — because their relationship is a blueprint of the relationship of Christ and His church.

This is what I believe: the health of a church is deeply affected by the health of the marriages of its leaders. Because ministry doesn't begin on the outside. It doesn't begin on the platform. It begins at home.

What Did You Lose in the Process?

With that thought in mind, let's go to what Jesus says in Matthew 16:26:

For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

I have noticed several words here that sound very familiar in the marketplace: profit, gain, loss, exchange. These are business words — especially when we talk about value, investment, return on investment, or transaction. Who doesn't like to make a profit? Who doesn't like to have gain? Who wants to experience a loss?

But of course, Jesus is not giving a business lesson here. He takes the language of the marketplace and brings it into the deepest part of human life. He asks two powerful questions.

The First Question: False Gain

In the first question, Jesus exposes false gain: "What profit is it if a man gains the whole world but loses his own soul?" In other words, not everything that looks like gain is truly gain. It is possible to gain many things in life and still lose the most important thing.

• It is possible to gain outside and lose inside.
• It is possible to gain applause and lose intimacy with your loved ones.
• It is possible to gain people's approval and lose your relationship with God.
• It is possible to gain popularity and lose purity.
• It is possible to gain position and lose purpose.

In other words, it is possible to gain the whole world and lose your soul.

I remember in one of the Hillsong conferences, John Maxwell said that he had to redefine the word success. He said, "Now I realize that success means having those closest to me love and respect me the most." He explained that success is not truly success if it causes us to lose the people closest to us, especially our loved ones. And if that happens, what profit is there?

The world asks, "How much did you gain?" But Jesus asks a different question: "What did you lose in the process?" Because sometimes what the world calls gain, heaven calls loss.

The Second Question: False Exchange

Then Jesus exposes false exchange: "What will a man give in exchange for his soul?" The issue is not what we gain, but what we are exchanging in order to gain it. Sometimes, in order to get something temporary, we exchange it with something eternal. Sometimes, in order to gain success, we exchange it with intimacy with God or with the people closest to us.

The Difference Between Exchange and Transaction

Let's focus on the word exchange. Exchange simply means giving something and receiving something else in return. We see it in everyday life. When presidents or heads of state meet, they often exchange gifts. After a football match, players exchange their jerseys.

In fact, exchange is the process of life. Breathing is a form of exchange — we inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide, and that exchange keeps us alive. What happens if we stop that exchange? We experience shortness of breath, and ultimately we could die.

Now, this is important: in an exchange, the value of what is given and the value of what is received does not always have to be equal. Oxygen and carbon dioxide don't have the same value. In fact, carbon dioxide is considered a waste — but that exchange is necessary for life.

When two people exchange gifts, the meaning is often more important than the value. The value is not only in the object itself, but in the love, honor, friendship, and gratitude behind it. And when the value becomes more important than the meaning, exchange turns into transaction.

That's the difference. A transaction is also a form of exchange, but the goal is usually profit. It's more like a business deal where everything is carefully calculated — and that is perfectly normal in the marketplace. Business needs calculation; the goal is to make a profit. But what works in business can become dangerous when we apply it to relationships that are supposed to be built on love.

When Love Becomes Transactional

My wife and I have three children. Since they were in their mother's womb, we have spent so much on them — food, clothes, education, toys, gadgets, comics, holidays, McDonald's, Lego, Disneyland, PlayStation, Barbies, Baskin-Robbins, and all of those things. There is no way they can pay all that back to us, and honestly, we don't expect them to. Why? Because we love them.

Love gives, not because it counts the profit, but because it values the relationship. Relationships built on love should never become transactional.

This is where many marriages begin to suffer — not because there is no communication in the house, but because love has slowly become a transaction. The purpose of love is not to seek profit. The purpose of love is not to get even. Love is the desire to benefit others, even at the expense of self.

When two people are in love, they usually don't keep score. They love to exchange attention, kind words, gifts, and affection. But when their love grows cold, everything becomes about keeping score. When their relationship breaks down — and worse, when they get divorced — their reasons often sound transactional:

"I have done this for you. What have you done for me? I have sacrificed so much for you. You have never given me anything."

When a relationship becomes only about gaining and losing, it moves from exchange into transaction. It moves from love into business. And when a relationship that should be based on love — like marriage — turns transactional, we begin to sow the seed of death into that relationship. That's why we should never bring a profit-and-loss mindset into things that are supposed to be holy and sacred.

God Is Not Transactional

If we understand the nature of love through this blueprint called marriage, then it is easier for us to understand our relationship with God. Why? Because God is love. And because He is love, God does not relate to us transactionally.

God is not transactional in the sense that we can buy His love, earn His grace, or put Him in our debt. Yes, our obedience matters. Yes, our choices have consequences. But God's love is not a business deal, and His grace is not for sale. What we have received from Him is far greater than anything we could ever give to Him.

For example:

• We give Him our sin. He gives us righteousness.
• We give Him our brokenness. He gives us restoration.
• We give Him our wounds. He gives us healing.
• We give Him our shame. He gives us dignity.
• We give Him our burden. He gives us rest.

That's not a transaction. That's the greatest unequal exchange. That is what we call grace.

For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, no longer counting people's sins against them. And He gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:19)

In Christ, we are reconciled with God, and the Bible says He is no longer counting our sins against us. Hallelujah.

Or who has first given to Him and it shall be repaid to him? For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be the glory forever. (Romans 11:35–36)

In other words, God owes us nothing, and yet He gave us everything in Christ. Everything we have comes from Him. God does not relate to us according to the debt of our sin, but according to the riches of His grace. And that is the gospel.

The Danger of a Transactional Heart in Serving

Many people, when they first learn to serve in church, serve wholeheartedly. They are just happy to be included. They serve because they love God. But over time, if the heart is not guarded, they begin to compare themselves with others, and something that began as love can become transactional.

They begin to develop a sense of entitlement:

"I've done this for God, so God should do this for me. I've served for a long time in this church — but what do I get from it? I've sacrificed my time, my energy, my money, but I never receive any recognition. I deserve more than this."

Once our relationship with God becomes transactional, we begin to measure Him by what we receive from Him. And when God does not respond according to our expectations, disappointment begins to enter our hearts. That is exactly what the enemy wants.

In Matthew 20, the landowner paid the same wage to those who worked all day and those who came at the very last hour. The early workers were upset — not because they were cheated, but because someone else received generosity. The landowner said, "Are you jealous because I am kind?"

That is the problem with a transactional heart. It can receive what was promised and still become bitter when others receive mercy. Grace often feels unfair to people who are still counting. A transactional heart cannot celebrate grace given to someone else.

Remember, God never invited us into a business arrangement. He invited us into a relationship. God is not our business partner — He is our Father. God is not looking for customers — He is looking for sons and daughters. So our response to Him should not be driven by calculation, but by love; not by entitlement, but by gratitude; not by transaction, but by relationship.

How Then Should We Respond?

Exchange goes two ways. In response to everything God has already given us, what can we give back to Him? Not as repayment — because we can never repay Him — but as worship.

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

The least we can give to God is a thankful heart. Even though the value of what He has given us is far greater than anything we could ever give, our thanksgiving is precious to Him. Not because thanksgiving pays God back, but because thanksgiving says, "Lord, I recognize Your grace. Lord, I know I don't deserve this. Lord, everything I have comes from You." Thanksgiving will protect your heart from entitlement.

My daughter lived in Melbourne for a couple of years and is working now. A year or two ago, when she realized I had paid her final tuition fee for her master's degree, she sent me a message: "Thank you, Dad." I didn't tell her I had made the payment that day, but she realized it. I did not ask her to thank me. She didn't have to repay me. But when I got her message, it brought a warm feeling to my heart. That was good enough for me. Her gratitude showed me that she recognized the love behind the payment.

In the same way, God is not asking us to repay Him — He knows we cannot. But He delights in a heart that recognizes His grace; hearts that are grateful and trusting.

Because God Doesn't Keep Score, Neither Should We

Because God does not keep score with us, we should not keep score with others.

Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Colossians 3:13)

We forgive because we have been forgiven. We show mercy because we have received mercy. We release others because God has released us.

Simon Peter once asked Jesus, "How many times should I forgive my brother?" In other words, "Lord, where is the limit? At what point can I stop forgiving?" But Peter himself was a man who needed limitless mercy. When Jesus first called him, Peter said, "Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man." Later, Peter denied Jesus three times. Yet Jesus did not reject him — Jesus restored him.

So Peter had to learn that forgiveness is not a transaction. We do not forgive because the other person deserves it. We forgive because we have received mercy we did not deserve.

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14–15)

This verse is very important. It does not mean that God is being transactional with us. Forgiveness is not the price we pay to receive grace. Forgiveness is the evidence that grace has truly entered our heart.

It's like breathing: we inhale and we exhale; we receive and we release. In the same way, grace is meant to be received from God and released toward others. When we stop the flow of forgiveness, bitterness begins to poison our soul. So we must keep the exchange of grace flowing. Freely we receive, freely we give:

• God gives us grace; we respond with gratitude.
• God gives us forgiveness; we respond by forgiving others.
• God gives us mercy; we respond by showing mercy.

Not as repayment, but as worship. And if you stop the flow of exchange, you will start missing the quality of life God intended you to have.

No Gain Is Worth Losing Your Soul

In the Amplified Bible, Jesus says the same verse, Matthew 16:26:

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life — his blessed life in the kingdom of God? Or what will a man give as an exchange for his blessed life in the kingdom of God?

So today, maybe you need to ask yourself honestly: In pursuit of what I want to have in life, what am I gaining — but at the same time, what am I losing?

• Am I gaining success but losing intimacy with God, or with my loved ones?
• Am I gaining popularity but losing my faith?
• Am I gaining profit but losing peace?
• Am I gaining success outside the home but losing love inside the home?

Because no success is worth losing your soul. No fame is worth losing your faith. No profit is worth losing your peace. No achievement is worth losing your intimacy with God.

Remember this: when your soul is alive in Christ, you have already received the greatest gain.

So don't gain the world and lose your home. Don't gain applause and lose intimacy. Don't gain success and lose your soul.

Build it from the inside out. Build it from the heart. Build it from your home. Build it on the grace of God.

Hillsong Church, I hope you receive the word of God today.