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Henani: Here Am I — Women's Emphasis Day
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Connected by scripture or shared themes.
Henani: Here Am I — Women's Emphasis Day
Continue exploring
Connected by scripture or shared themes.
God often calls ordinary people into extraordinary moments. And faith responds, "Here am I," even when the outcome is uncertain.
One of the most profound statements in scripture is not a statement of ability, but rather a statement of availability. Not "here are my qualifications," not "here is my experience," not "here is my plan," but simply "here am I." Throughout scripture, God's work advances through men and women who make themselves available to him.
Today, we focus on a woman who never actually uttered those words, but rather embodies them with her life. The book of Esther is remarkable because God's name is never explicitly mentioned. Yet God's providence is visible on every page.
I think this resonates with many believers living in London. Sometimes God seems obvious — God is answering your prayers, you're lifting up your hand, declaring hallelujah to the King of Kings. But sometimes God seems hidden. Sometimes God parts seas. But there are times when God works quietly behind the scenes — in council meetings, in workplace decisions, in immigration journeys, in housing struggles, in family crises, and sometimes where there is a lack of food available.
Esther teaches us that even when God appears silent, he is still sovereign. When God positions us for purpose, the faithful response should always be "Here am I."
So what does answering the call of God entail? Time will afford me to only share three things with you.
When God calls you, it will lead to some shifting in your life. God positioned people before he repositioned them for his assignment.
"Then Mordecai commanded to answer Esther, 'Think not with thyself that thou shalt escape the king's house more than all the Jews. For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall their enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place. But thou and thy father's house shall be destroyed. And who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?'" — Esther 4:13–14
Before Esther faced her moment of decision, God had already been arranging her circumstances. Esther was an orphan, raised by her uncle Mordecai. After King's wife Vashti refused to dance before the king and his nobles, Vashti was banished. The king then held a beauty contest to replace her. Esther won the king's heart and was crowned queen.
None of these events seem connected at the time. Yet God was preparing and positioning Esther long before she was repositioned for her purpose. Mordecai reminded Esther that her repositioned status as queen did not automatically eliminate her from death — rather, she was repositioned from orphan to queen for God's purpose.
Some of us have remained in the same position year after year because we refuse to be repositioned. Some of us have remained in the same position because we have not said, "Here am I, Lord, use me."
It wasn't so long ago, during COVID, my husband and I were at our church at the height of the pandemic. We were busy doing renovation of the sanctuary — after all, nobody was in the church, so it was the best time to change out the carpet and get some work done. But in the midst of doing the work, God sent a clear message that he was getting ready to reposition us.
The Lord sent a clear dream one morning: we were standing at Oakwood between the church and the theology department. When I got up, I said to my husband, "I don't know what God is doing." Have you ever heard the voice of God so clearly that you can't shake it?
When you answer "Here am I, God," you're giving God the authority and permission to move you according to his will, not your will. When God speaks to you clearly with conviction and clarity, even though you don't know the end result, you move anyhow.
So in the height of COVID, we began packing our boxes — basement, living room, kitchen. Didn't get the assignment. Didn't know, but just knew that God said, "It's coming." Almost a week later, Oakwood called.
Sometimes, ladies, we remain in the same spot as orphans when God desires to make you a queen.
The doctrine of providence teaches that God governs history without violating human responsibility. Theologically, Esther demonstrates what scholars often call hidden providence:
We love to repeat Romans 8:28: "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord, who are called according to his purpose." Do you really know that it's working for your good? That trauma, that drama is going to work out for your good.
When you're going through it, it's like you're walking through a living hell — you're in fire. But that fire is not sent to destroy you. That fire is not sent to consume you. That fire is sent to mold you, to prepare you, and to take you to higher ground.
Paul writes that believers are God's workmanship, created for good works prepared beforehand. So:
The platform without the process can lead to paralysis and even premature death. That's why so many of our young people are on the platform, but the process is not there, so we wander over into the wrong places, doing the wrong things.
There are many people in Brixton who carry stories that might seem disconnected, like Esther. Some of you came from the Caribbean, some from Africa, some from Europe, some from Asia. Some grew up locally. Some came through the struggle. Some came through opportunity. Yet God often uses every chapter of our story to prepare us for future service.
What feels random may actually be providential. What feels accidental may actually be intentional.
That job you're on right now where your boss is driving you crazy — that's preparation for the final destination. That disappointment, that relocation, that degree, that unanswered question — that is preparation. God prepares people before he positions people. And he positions people before he sends people.
Answering the call requires faith, and faith requires a decision.
"Then Esther bade them return Mordecai this answer: Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day. I also and my maidens will fast likewise. And so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish." — Esther 4:15–16
Esther reached a crossroad:
According to the rules of the court, to appear before the king without a summons could lead to the death penalty. Neutrality was not an option for Esther. Faith demands a response.
Notice her words: "I will go to the king." This is the turning point of the narrative. A queen becomes a servant for God's purpose. When answering the call, comfort must yield to the calling and security must yield to obedience. She was willing to go before the king of the land, but she was answering the greater call, "Here I am," to the King of the universe.
Faith in scripture is never merely intellectual assent. Biblical faith involves trust expressed through action. As James teaches us, faith without works is dead. Esther's faith became visible through courageous action.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of a good courage. Do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is going to be with you wherever you go." — Joshua 1:9
Like Peter stepping out of the boat, Esther steps into uncertainty. Faith does not eliminate the risk. Faith trusts God despite the risk.
Last semester, I had a student mid-term who wasn't doing great in the class. I pulled him aside and said, "What's happening? I know you can do this." He said, "Doc, I'm struggling."
I said, "Do you have the faith and do you believe that God can help you finish strong?" He said, "Oh, yes, Doc." I said, "Now, there's faith, but then there's work. If you're willing to put in the work, I am more than willing to journey with you."
That student made me proud. He put the work in. By the final day, when he saw his grade, he jumped up so high, shouting hallelujah. He made it — not just made it, but with an excellent grade. My student was willing to exercise his faith so that he could make the grade. Are we exercising our faith so we can make the real grade?
Many believers want certainty before obedience. God often requires obedience before we see the certainty. God often reveals the next step rather than the entire journey.
Esther did not know the outcome, but she applied her faith in God. She called for a prayer meeting with her maidens and asked the Jews to also pray and fast.
Can I pause today to talk about prayer? Some things happen when we pray. I'm not talking about your mama's and your papa's experience — but have you experienced prayer for yourself? Prayer has the power to change the trajectory of your life. Prayer is power because it changes things.
I took Dr. E. Cleveland for Evangelism. He said, "I have seen God do so much for so long with so little. I am convinced that God can do anything with absolutely nothing."
Testimony 1 — Cancer diagnosis: A couple years ago, one of my members asked me to go with her to the doctor. The doctor said, "I don't think you have six months left. Go home and put your house in order." It was stage four stomach cancer that had metastasized to her liver and lymph nodes.
I said to her, "I know somebody who has the power to change the trajectory of this diagnosis. There is a heavenly physician. His name is Jesus. That blood will never ever lose its power. I have one prescription: no matter what the doctor tells you, praise God anyhow."
Every visit, her numbers kept improving while she praised God. That was more than 15 years ago. She's still standing today, because nothing is impossible with God.
I've seen God send $24,000 in the space of half an hour because somebody had a conversation and said, "Lord, you can move this mountain."
Testimony 2 — The young girl in the anointing service: A 13-year-old walked into an anointing service one afternoon, speaking in every voice, all kinds of screechy sounds. I told the deacons, "Bring her to the restroom. If you don't believe, step out of this room." We began to pray and intercede. That young girl went from all kinds of voices and became like a lamb. Years later, her sister told me, "From the day you all prayed for her, she has been back in her right mind and has kept on walking for the Lord."
Testimony 3 — The suicidal call: One Sabbath, one of my young persons called: "Pastor, I'm going to end it all. I'm at the lake. I got a bunch of pills." I said, "Where you at? I'm coming for you."
My father-in-law always says, "You need Jesus and a good shrink in this life." Black folk, you don't want therapy. You don't want counseling. But let me tell you — I brought her back to my house, prayed, then called the ambulance and got her checked in and evaluated. The church prayed. She did her part. A few weeks later, she walked into church and said, "Church, I got a testimony… I'm here today, still in the land of the living."
To answer the call, faith has to be applied. I'm not talking a little punny, wishy-washy faith — high today because God answers, and tomorrow going through the door when things get chaotic. To answer "Here I am" demands faith:
There's one detail we tend to overlook — the first thing Esther said was, "Gather all the Jews." Esther asked the entire community to pray, then asked her maidens to pray with her.
There is power in praying by yourself, but there's a whole lot of power when the community of God gathers on one accord. In Acts 2, when the day of Pentecost was fully come and they were on one accord in one place, the Holy Ghost came in like a mighty rushing wind. But before that, they were in the upper room for days, praying, fasting, interceding.
Do you think I could stand here and talk to you today by myself? I thank God I've got a praying husband. I have a group of folks in Africa — almost 400 — who call out my name every day, getting up at 3 or 4 in the morning before work.
Do you actually do prayer and live prayer and experience prayer? Or do you just go through the motions? Your prayers can move the very hand of God — not because there's anything great about you, but because you have yoked up yourself with the blood of the Lamb. When you cry out "Abba," God is seeing the blood of Jesus on you.
One of Brixton's greatest strengths is community. Churches must continue embodying that strength. The challenges faced in London cannot be solved by isolated Christians — they require praying congregations, mentoring relationships, intergenerational discipleship, and a shared mission.
If I asked the business folks around here, do they know who you are? God forbid this house catches on fire — would they rush to the door weeping because this place has become a lighthouse in the community?
In one of my churches, there was a restaurant close by. I introduced myself to the owner and would go hang out during visitation. One day he said, "Pastor, I want to prepare some food and just give it to the folks in the community, because I see you knocking on doors and talking to the people." Every holiday, that man laid out a banquet in the fellowship hall for anyone who needed food. When I got moved to a church all the way in Long Island, guess what? The same man kept calling. "Pastor, it don't matter. If your needs are food for the community, I got you." And he still came all the way.
It is said that some visitors went to Moody's church asking, "How does this man preach so powerfully?" Moody said, "You want to see the power behind this church?" He took them down into the basement, where about 300 people were praying long before the church service began.
You've got to:
A covenant community that applies their faith in God can overthrow a death sentence. Collective application of faith changes everything.
If you answer, "Here am I, Lord, use me," be ready for God to change your position. Be ready to apply your faith in him. And be ready to say like Esther, "If I perish, I perish."
These are among the most courageous words in scripture. This is not despair. This is surrender. Esther understood that obedience may cost her everything. She surrendered the case to God, then proceeded to go before the king.
But here's the problem: we want to surrender and still hold on. We want to surrender some things and hold on to other things. When you surrender to God, you recognize that this is the cause of God that you're willing to die for.
Christian discipleship has always involved costly obedience.
"Whoever wants to save his life will lose it." — Luke 9:24
Esther's willingness to sacrifice herself foreshadowed the greatest sacrifice of Christ. Esther risked her life for her people, but Christ gave his life for all people.
I've had friends who answered the call to ministry and lost even their family in the process. Here in Brixton and London, the cost is rarely physical death. But faithfulness to God still carries a cost:
Yet discipleship still requires courage. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is obedience despite fear.
You need courage when culture disagrees, when peer pressure increases, when compromise seems easier. You want the crown but not the cross.
Can I be real right now? Are you really ready to answer the call, "Here am I"? Are you ready to lay it all on the altar of sacrifice? Because my friend, we're living on the brink of history. Jesus is coming again.
We grew up in this church on Daniel and the Revelation. We grew up talking about prophecy and the end of time. We can quote Revelation 13. But I'm amazed that today, when we see prophecy being fulfilled and America being America, we're acting like we have a lot of time. We're behaving like we're at halftime in the game when we're in overtime.
I went on your subways and tried to buy something with my money, and the man said, "Oh, no, just put your card on the turnstile." There are so many changes happening so rapidly. We know the final movement is going to be a rapid one. Now is the time to commit wholeheartedly to God.
You either in or you're out. There is no middle ground. It's going to cost you something. You've got to get to the place where you declare, "If I perish, I perish, but I'm going to stand on the Word of God."
So what does answering the call entail?
The question that confronted Esther is the same question that confronts us today:
Perhaps, like Esther, you've been positioned for such a time as this.
When God calls you today — come a little higher, walk a little closer, lay down your burdens, surrender your everything. I pray your response will be "Here am I":
Esther's story points to Christ. Esther walked before an earthly king, but Jesus stood before the heavenly King for us. Esther stood in the gap for her people, but Jesus stood in the gap for the world.
Before there was an Esther, there was a Jesus.
That is why he is the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.
"Then I said, 'Here I am. It is written about me in the scroll. I have come to do your will, my God.'" — Hebrews 10:7
Jesus was never forced. Jesus was not coerced. Jesus volunteered himself. He freely laid down his life, and he freely picked it back up again.
And when the devil asked his demons, "Do you still have that Jew?" and Satan responded, "The Jew is on ice," Jesus rested and declared, "Here am I."
But glory to God — Sunday morning was coming. The earth could not hold its maker down. Jesus burst through that tomb Sunday morning declaring, "Here am I. All power is given unto me. I am the resurrection and the life. I have overcome death and the grave. Because I live, you can live. Here am I."
When I got the call from God to ministry, I said, "God, you got the wrong person." I had just finished nursing school, minding my own business. Back in the '90s, when you get a job offering more than $100,000 a year post-tax, I was good.
I remember saying, "Lord, I'm just 21 years of age. My friends who graduated went to work in the Middle East, came back and bought their homes cash, their cars cash. Lord, what do you want from me?" And if you're not ready for the answer to that question, don't ask it.
My prayer partner Jesse and I would pray every three hours. I said, "Lord, are you sure? I grew up in Jamaica, grew up in Toronto. I've never seen any woman doing this thing called pastoring. You got the wrong person. If you asked my classmates 'most likely to not be a pastor,' that would be me."
But every scripture passage pointed to the call. Every prayer pointed to the call. Every conversation. Like Jonah, I had no peace within me. I finally said, "God, if you want this, I'm going to leave it into your hands. I'm going to go to this place you call Oakwood. I don't have a dime in my name, but you take care of the rest."
I'd just finished that prayer and packed my bags. A friend called me out of the blue: "Girl, I used to go to CUC, but I just transferred to Oakwood." I said, "I'm going to Oakwood too! I just finished praying, asking God how this is going to work." Pastor Louis came and picked me up. When he saw all my stuff packed up, they had to turn in their vehicle and get a bigger one to accommodate me.
If you had asked me 20-some years ago that I would be standing here in Brixton talking to you, I would say most unlikely. But when you answer the call of God on your life, God will take you places. Not because there's anything great about you or me — it's because you have surrendered your life into his hands. You're saying not my will, but thy will be done.
There's somebody in this place today — you need to surrender some things to God:
Going in the water is easy — it's coming back out and living the life that really matters.
Whatever category the Spirit of God spoke to your heart about this morning, come. This is between you and God. This is a serious call. If you recognize that Jesus is soon to come, and you know we are almost home, and it is time to get your act together — then I say come.
I'll be the first to tell you: I need to re-surrender every day. The struggle is real. It is only when you believe that God can and will do this, then you'll see the Red Sea begin to part. But if you don't believe, say, "Lord, help my unbelief," because he's still able.
Heavenly Father, it is me, your daughter, calling and knocking on heaven's door one more time. Today we have heard your words, a reminder that you're calling us and asking us to surrender ourselves to the call of God. We're grateful that Jesus went all the way to Calvary. We're thankful that Jesus declared, "Here I am."
Today we recognize that answering the call might lead to reposition, that it demands we apply our faith, and that it will cost us something. But we know we're standing on the brink of eternity. Now is the time to be sure that our anchor is sure in Jesus Christ.
God, today your sons and daughters have come. They have stepped out of the pews in faith. Somebody is surrendering for the first time. Somebody is declaring, "I yield to the power of God." Somebody wants to walk a little closer with Jesus. Somebody is standing in the gap for their family. Somebody is standing in the gap for someone's health.
Father, you have never lost a case. You are Alpha and Omega. As they surrender their cares, their lives, their desires, I pray they will hear the voice of God behind them declaring, "My son, my daughter, this is the way. Walk in it."
Lord, may we no longer live business as usual, but live every day as if it's our last day. May the blood of Jesus Christ cover all of us. We surrender our lives into your hands. We surrender our hearts at your feet, because we want to see Jesus. We want to be in heaven. But we have to live the surrendered life today.
Have your way in our lives. Have your way in our plans. Have your way in our dreams. We give you full permission to save us, no matter the cost. We thank you for loving us, and we bless you in Jesus' all-conquering name.
Let God's people say Amen.
God often calls ordinary people into extraordinary moments. And faith responds, "Here am I," even when the outcome is uncertain.
One of the most profound statements in scripture is not a statement of ability, but rather a statement of availability. Not "here are my qualifications," not "here is my experience," not "here is my plan," but simply "here am I." Throughout scripture, God's work advances through men and women who make themselves available to him.
Today, we focus on a woman who never actually uttered those words, but rather embodies them with her life. The book of Esther is remarkable because God's name is never explicitly mentioned. Yet God's providence is visible on every page.
I think this resonates with many believers living in London. Sometimes God seems obvious — God is answering your prayers, you're lifting up your hand, declaring hallelujah to the King of Kings. But sometimes God seems hidden. Sometimes God parts seas. But there are times when God works quietly behind the scenes — in council meetings, in workplace decisions, in immigration journeys, in housing struggles, in family crises, and sometimes where there is a lack of food available.
Esther teaches us that even when God appears silent, he is still sovereign. When God positions us for purpose, the faithful response should always be "Here am I."
So what does answering the call of God entail? Time will afford me to only share three things with you.
When God calls you, it will lead to some shifting in your life. God positioned people before he repositioned them for his assignment.
"Then Mordecai commanded to answer Esther, 'Think not with thyself that thou shalt escape the king's house more than all the Jews. For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall their enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place. But thou and thy father's house shall be destroyed. And who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?'" — Esther 4:13–14
Before Esther faced her moment of decision, God had already been arranging her circumstances. Esther was an orphan, raised by her uncle Mordecai. After King's wife Vashti refused to dance before the king and his nobles, Vashti was banished. The king then held a beauty contest to replace her. Esther won the king's heart and was crowned queen.
None of these events seem connected at the time. Yet God was preparing and positioning Esther long before she was repositioned for her purpose. Mordecai reminded Esther that her repositioned status as queen did not automatically eliminate her from death — rather, she was repositioned from orphan to queen for God's purpose.
Some of us have remained in the same position year after year because we refuse to be repositioned. Some of us have remained in the same position because we have not said, "Here am I, Lord, use me."
It wasn't so long ago, during COVID, my husband and I were at our church at the height of the pandemic. We were busy doing renovation of the sanctuary — after all, nobody was in the church, so it was the best time to change out the carpet and get some work done. But in the midst of doing the work, God sent a clear message that he was getting ready to reposition us.
The Lord sent a clear dream one morning: we were standing at Oakwood between the church and the theology department. When I got up, I said to my husband, "I don't know what God is doing." Have you ever heard the voice of God so clearly that you can't shake it?
When you answer "Here am I, God," you're giving God the authority and permission to move you according to his will, not your will. When God speaks to you clearly with conviction and clarity, even though you don't know the end result, you move anyhow.
So in the height of COVID, we began packing our boxes — basement, living room, kitchen. Didn't get the assignment. Didn't know, but just knew that God said, "It's coming." Almost a week later, Oakwood called.
Sometimes, ladies, we remain in the same spot as orphans when God desires to make you a queen.
The doctrine of providence teaches that God governs history without violating human responsibility. Theologically, Esther demonstrates what scholars often call hidden providence:
We love to repeat Romans 8:28: "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord, who are called according to his purpose." Do you really know that it's working for your good? That trauma, that drama is going to work out for your good.
When you're going through it, it's like you're walking through a living hell — you're in fire. But that fire is not sent to destroy you. That fire is not sent to consume you. That fire is sent to mold you, to prepare you, and to take you to higher ground.
Paul writes that believers are God's workmanship, created for good works prepared beforehand. So:
The platform without the process can lead to paralysis and even premature death. That's why so many of our young people are on the platform, but the process is not there, so we wander over into the wrong places, doing the wrong things.
There are many people in Brixton who carry stories that might seem disconnected, like Esther. Some of you came from the Caribbean, some from Africa, some from Europe, some from Asia. Some grew up locally. Some came through the struggle. Some came through opportunity. Yet God often uses every chapter of our story to prepare us for future service.
What feels random may actually be providential. What feels accidental may actually be intentional.
That job you're on right now where your boss is driving you crazy — that's preparation for the final destination. That disappointment, that relocation, that degree, that unanswered question — that is preparation. God prepares people before he positions people. And he positions people before he sends people.
Answering the call requires faith, and faith requires a decision.
"Then Esther bade them return Mordecai this answer: Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day. I also and my maidens will fast likewise. And so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish." — Esther 4:15–16
Esther reached a crossroad:
According to the rules of the court, to appear before the king without a summons could lead to the death penalty. Neutrality was not an option for Esther. Faith demands a response.
Notice her words: "I will go to the king." This is the turning point of the narrative. A queen becomes a servant for God's purpose. When answering the call, comfort must yield to the calling and security must yield to obedience. She was willing to go before the king of the land, but she was answering the greater call, "Here I am," to the King of the universe.
Faith in scripture is never merely intellectual assent. Biblical faith involves trust expressed through action. As James teaches us, faith without works is dead. Esther's faith became visible through courageous action.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of a good courage. Do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is going to be with you wherever you go." — Joshua 1:9
Like Peter stepping out of the boat, Esther steps into uncertainty. Faith does not eliminate the risk. Faith trusts God despite the risk.
Last semester, I had a student mid-term who wasn't doing great in the class. I pulled him aside and said, "What's happening? I know you can do this." He said, "Doc, I'm struggling."
I said, "Do you have the faith and do you believe that God can help you finish strong?" He said, "Oh, yes, Doc." I said, "Now, there's faith, but then there's work. If you're willing to put in the work, I am more than willing to journey with you."
That student made me proud. He put the work in. By the final day, when he saw his grade, he jumped up so high, shouting hallelujah. He made it — not just made it, but with an excellent grade. My student was willing to exercise his faith so that he could make the grade. Are we exercising our faith so we can make the real grade?
Many believers want certainty before obedience. God often requires obedience before we see the certainty. God often reveals the next step rather than the entire journey.
Esther did not know the outcome, but she applied her faith in God. She called for a prayer meeting with her maidens and asked the Jews to also pray and fast.
Can I pause today to talk about prayer? Some things happen when we pray. I'm not talking about your mama's and your papa's experience — but have you experienced prayer for yourself? Prayer has the power to change the trajectory of your life. Prayer is power because it changes things.
I took Dr. E. Cleveland for Evangelism. He said, "I have seen God do so much for so long with so little. I am convinced that God can do anything with absolutely nothing."
Testimony 1 — Cancer diagnosis: A couple years ago, one of my members asked me to go with her to the doctor. The doctor said, "I don't think you have six months left. Go home and put your house in order." It was stage four stomach cancer that had metastasized to her liver and lymph nodes.
I said to her, "I know somebody who has the power to change the trajectory of this diagnosis. There is a heavenly physician. His name is Jesus. That blood will never ever lose its power. I have one prescription: no matter what the doctor tells you, praise God anyhow."
Every visit, her numbers kept improving while she praised God. That was more than 15 years ago. She's still standing today, because nothing is impossible with God.
I've seen God send $24,000 in the space of half an hour because somebody had a conversation and said, "Lord, you can move this mountain."
Testimony 2 — The young girl in the anointing service: A 13-year-old walked into an anointing service one afternoon, speaking in every voice, all kinds of screechy sounds. I told the deacons, "Bring her to the restroom. If you don't believe, step out of this room." We began to pray and intercede. That young girl went from all kinds of voices and became like a lamb. Years later, her sister told me, "From the day you all prayed for her, she has been back in her right mind and has kept on walking for the Lord."
Testimony 3 — The suicidal call: One Sabbath, one of my young persons called: "Pastor, I'm going to end it all. I'm at the lake. I got a bunch of pills." I said, "Where you at? I'm coming for you."
My father-in-law always says, "You need Jesus and a good shrink in this life." Black folk, you don't want therapy. You don't want counseling. But let me tell you — I brought her back to my house, prayed, then called the ambulance and got her checked in and evaluated. The church prayed. She did her part. A few weeks later, she walked into church and said, "Church, I got a testimony… I'm here today, still in the land of the living."
To answer the call, faith has to be applied. I'm not talking a little punny, wishy-washy faith — high today because God answers, and tomorrow going through the door when things get chaotic. To answer "Here I am" demands faith:
There's one detail we tend to overlook — the first thing Esther said was, "Gather all the Jews." Esther asked the entire community to pray, then asked her maidens to pray with her.
There is power in praying by yourself, but there's a whole lot of power when the community of God gathers on one accord. In Acts 2, when the day of Pentecost was fully come and they were on one accord in one place, the Holy Ghost came in like a mighty rushing wind. But before that, they were in the upper room for days, praying, fasting, interceding.
Do you think I could stand here and talk to you today by myself? I thank God I've got a praying husband. I have a group of folks in Africa — almost 400 — who call out my name every day, getting up at 3 or 4 in the morning before work.
Do you actually do prayer and live prayer and experience prayer? Or do you just go through the motions? Your prayers can move the very hand of God — not because there's anything great about you, but because you have yoked up yourself with the blood of the Lamb. When you cry out "Abba," God is seeing the blood of Jesus on you.
One of Brixton's greatest strengths is community. Churches must continue embodying that strength. The challenges faced in London cannot be solved by isolated Christians — they require praying congregations, mentoring relationships, intergenerational discipleship, and a shared mission.
If I asked the business folks around here, do they know who you are? God forbid this house catches on fire — would they rush to the door weeping because this place has become a lighthouse in the community?
In one of my churches, there was a restaurant close by. I introduced myself to the owner and would go hang out during visitation. One day he said, "Pastor, I want to prepare some food and just give it to the folks in the community, because I see you knocking on doors and talking to the people." Every holiday, that man laid out a banquet in the fellowship hall for anyone who needed food. When I got moved to a church all the way in Long Island, guess what? The same man kept calling. "Pastor, it don't matter. If your needs are food for the community, I got you." And he still came all the way.
It is said that some visitors went to Moody's church asking, "How does this man preach so powerfully?" Moody said, "You want to see the power behind this church?" He took them down into the basement, where about 300 people were praying long before the church service began.
You've got to:
A covenant community that applies their faith in God can overthrow a death sentence. Collective application of faith changes everything.
If you answer, "Here am I, Lord, use me," be ready for God to change your position. Be ready to apply your faith in him. And be ready to say like Esther, "If I perish, I perish."
These are among the most courageous words in scripture. This is not despair. This is surrender. Esther understood that obedience may cost her everything. She surrendered the case to God, then proceeded to go before the king.
But here's the problem: we want to surrender and still hold on. We want to surrender some things and hold on to other things. When you surrender to God, you recognize that this is the cause of God that you're willing to die for.
Christian discipleship has always involved costly obedience.
"Whoever wants to save his life will lose it." — Luke 9:24
Esther's willingness to sacrifice herself foreshadowed the greatest sacrifice of Christ. Esther risked her life for her people, but Christ gave his life for all people.
I've had friends who answered the call to ministry and lost even their family in the process. Here in Brixton and London, the cost is rarely physical death. But faithfulness to God still carries a cost:
Yet discipleship still requires courage. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is obedience despite fear.
You need courage when culture disagrees, when peer pressure increases, when compromise seems easier. You want the crown but not the cross.
Can I be real right now? Are you really ready to answer the call, "Here am I"? Are you ready to lay it all on the altar of sacrifice? Because my friend, we're living on the brink of history. Jesus is coming again.
We grew up in this church on Daniel and the Revelation. We grew up talking about prophecy and the end of time. We can quote Revelation 13. But I'm amazed that today, when we see prophecy being fulfilled and America being America, we're acting like we have a lot of time. We're behaving like we're at halftime in the game when we're in overtime.
I went on your subways and tried to buy something with my money, and the man said, "Oh, no, just put your card on the turnstile." There are so many changes happening so rapidly. We know the final movement is going to be a rapid one. Now is the time to commit wholeheartedly to God.
You either in or you're out. There is no middle ground. It's going to cost you something. You've got to get to the place where you declare, "If I perish, I perish, but I'm going to stand on the Word of God."
So what does answering the call entail?
The question that confronted Esther is the same question that confronts us today:
Perhaps, like Esther, you've been positioned for such a time as this.
When God calls you today — come a little higher, walk a little closer, lay down your burdens, surrender your everything. I pray your response will be "Here am I":
Esther's story points to Christ. Esther walked before an earthly king, but Jesus stood before the heavenly King for us. Esther stood in the gap for her people, but Jesus stood in the gap for the world.
Before there was an Esther, there was a Jesus.
That is why he is the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.
"Then I said, 'Here I am. It is written about me in the scroll. I have come to do your will, my God.'" — Hebrews 10:7
Jesus was never forced. Jesus was not coerced. Jesus volunteered himself. He freely laid down his life, and he freely picked it back up again.
And when the devil asked his demons, "Do you still have that Jew?" and Satan responded, "The Jew is on ice," Jesus rested and declared, "Here am I."
But glory to God — Sunday morning was coming. The earth could not hold its maker down. Jesus burst through that tomb Sunday morning declaring, "Here am I. All power is given unto me. I am the resurrection and the life. I have overcome death and the grave. Because I live, you can live. Here am I."
When I got the call from God to ministry, I said, "God, you got the wrong person." I had just finished nursing school, minding my own business. Back in the '90s, when you get a job offering more than $100,000 a year post-tax, I was good.
I remember saying, "Lord, I'm just 21 years of age. My friends who graduated went to work in the Middle East, came back and bought their homes cash, their cars cash. Lord, what do you want from me?" And if you're not ready for the answer to that question, don't ask it.
My prayer partner Jesse and I would pray every three hours. I said, "Lord, are you sure? I grew up in Jamaica, grew up in Toronto. I've never seen any woman doing this thing called pastoring. You got the wrong person. If you asked my classmates 'most likely to not be a pastor,' that would be me."
But every scripture passage pointed to the call. Every prayer pointed to the call. Every conversation. Like Jonah, I had no peace within me. I finally said, "God, if you want this, I'm going to leave it into your hands. I'm going to go to this place you call Oakwood. I don't have a dime in my name, but you take care of the rest."
I'd just finished that prayer and packed my bags. A friend called me out of the blue: "Girl, I used to go to CUC, but I just transferred to Oakwood." I said, "I'm going to Oakwood too! I just finished praying, asking God how this is going to work." Pastor Louis came and picked me up. When he saw all my stuff packed up, they had to turn in their vehicle and get a bigger one to accommodate me.
If you had asked me 20-some years ago that I would be standing here in Brixton talking to you, I would say most unlikely. But when you answer the call of God on your life, God will take you places. Not because there's anything great about you or me — it's because you have surrendered your life into his hands. You're saying not my will, but thy will be done.
There's somebody in this place today — you need to surrender some things to God:
Going in the water is easy — it's coming back out and living the life that really matters.
Whatever category the Spirit of God spoke to your heart about this morning, come. This is between you and God. This is a serious call. If you recognize that Jesus is soon to come, and you know we are almost home, and it is time to get your act together — then I say come.
I'll be the first to tell you: I need to re-surrender every day. The struggle is real. It is only when you believe that God can and will do this, then you'll see the Red Sea begin to part. But if you don't believe, say, "Lord, help my unbelief," because he's still able.
Heavenly Father, it is me, your daughter, calling and knocking on heaven's door one more time. Today we have heard your words, a reminder that you're calling us and asking us to surrender ourselves to the call of God. We're grateful that Jesus went all the way to Calvary. We're thankful that Jesus declared, "Here I am."
Today we recognize that answering the call might lead to reposition, that it demands we apply our faith, and that it will cost us something. But we know we're standing on the brink of eternity. Now is the time to be sure that our anchor is sure in Jesus Christ.
God, today your sons and daughters have come. They have stepped out of the pews in faith. Somebody is surrendering for the first time. Somebody is declaring, "I yield to the power of God." Somebody wants to walk a little closer with Jesus. Somebody is standing in the gap for their family. Somebody is standing in the gap for someone's health.
Father, you have never lost a case. You are Alpha and Omega. As they surrender their cares, their lives, their desires, I pray they will hear the voice of God behind them declaring, "My son, my daughter, this is the way. Walk in it."
Lord, may we no longer live business as usual, but live every day as if it's our last day. May the blood of Jesus Christ cover all of us. We surrender our lives into your hands. We surrender our hearts at your feet, because we want to see Jesus. We want to be in heaven. But we have to live the surrendered life today.
Have your way in our lives. Have your way in our plans. Have your way in our dreams. We give you full permission to save us, no matter the cost. We thank you for loving us, and we bless you in Jesus' all-conquering name.
Let God's people say Amen.
