When the Naysayers Come

When the Naysayers Come

The Problem of Negativity

If you've seen National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, you remember Clark Griswold stringing up 20,000 twinkling lights on his roof. When he finally gets the electricity going and his creation shines forth, his father-in-law steps in and says, "The little lights aren't twinkling." Clark responds, "I know, Art, and thanks for noticing."

Do you have someone in your life like that—someone who feels led to tell you your little lights aren't twinkling? That person is what I call a naysayer: someone who likes to say "Nope, that ain't going to work" or "Now, this just isn't right." You know a naysayer is near when no matter what you do, nothing ever goes up. Jesus said, "The poor you will always have with you." If He'd asked me, I would add: there will always be the nitpicky—someone pointing out that your lights aren't twinkling.

I think the Apostle Paul may have had a naysayer in his life. In 2 Corinthians, he mentions a thorn assigned to his flesh that kept poking at him. Some scholars believe that thorn was actually a critic—someone constantly seeking to discredit him and question his authenticity as an apostle. Many think Paul had a critic that just would not go away, a fly that kept landing on his face.

Nehemiah's Pattern for Responding

What should you do when you have this kind of trial thrust upon you? How should you respond when a cynical person appears wanting to pop all your balloons? Nehemiah gives us a great pattern to follow.

In Nehemiah's story, God moves the Babylonian king to send him 900 miles back to his homeland to restore Jerusalem's broken wall. Chapter 3 shows impressive progress—until chapter 4 when the naysayers show up. Their names are Sanballat and Tobiah.

When Sanballat heard that we were rebuilding the wall, he became furious. He mocked the Jews before his colleagues and said, "What are these pathetic Jews doing? Can they restore it by themselves?" Then Tobiah said, "Even if a fox climbed up what they are building, he would break down their stone wall." (Nehemiah 4:1-3)

Principle One: Success Stirs Up Opposition

Notice that Nehemiah catches flak just as soon as the project becomes successful. One translation says Sanballat was "greatly incensed"—a fire was lit inside him.

Success stirs up opposition. Jesus said, "Woe to you when all men speak well of you" (Luke 6:26). Fulfilling the will of God will make you a target of spiritual warfare. Jesus warned that the enemy seeks to "steal, kill, and destroy the work of God."

If you are doing the will of God, and particularly if it's working, you should expect someone or something will push back and resist it. The Bible tells us:

The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth searching for those whose hearts are fully His. (2 Chronicles 16:9)

But there's another kind of scanning happening:

Be alert and sober. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8)

Why are some people threatened by your success? Why do they feel like it's their loss because you got a win? We all have a little sliver of Sanballat in our souls because we're not yet fully glorified. We're in the middle of our sanctification, which means we all struggle sometimes with the green-eyed monster of envy.

We know that feeling. Author Anne Lamott, in Bird by Bird, warns young writers about envy that surfaces when another author gets the opportunity you wanted. When they have a breakthrough book and get rave reviews, she writes:

They will buy houses, big houses, or second houses that are actually nice or nicer than the first ones. And you're going to want to throw yourself down the back stairs, especially if the person is a friend.

We all learn this temptation as we grow up. In middle school, a boy wonders why everyone thinks Luke is so funny. In high school, he asks why David gets more playing time when he works harder and stays longer. In college, he asks why that guy always takes the best-looking girl to the formal dances. In adulthood, he says, "How could they give that job to that goofball when I was next in line?"

We all know this feeling: when other people succeed, it provokes jealousy within us. Ecclesiastes 9:11 reminds us:

The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong on this planet. Nor does food come to the wise, or wealth to the brilliant, or favor to the learned, but time and chance happen to them all.

When your ship comes in, remember: sin is real, and envy provokes opposition. Proverbs 27:4 says:

Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?

Principle Two: Do Not Return Evil for Evil

When opposition starts with Sanballat, it quickly spreads to Tobiah. Here's something worth noting: naysayers are like a high-powered vacuum cleaner. They suck all the negative people in with them.

But notice Nehemiah's response. He does not retaliate or take a swing. In verse 4, he prays:

Listen, our God, for we are despised. Make their insults return on their own heads, and let them be taken as plunder to a land of captivity. Do not cover their guilt or let their sin be erased from your sight because they have angered the builders. (Nehemiah 4:4-5)

Notice: Nehemiah takes his hard feelings straight to God rather than speaking them publicly. He could have done real mudslinging. The Bible tells us that Sanballat ruled over Samaria—one of the worst properties on the Monopoly board. Tobiah ruled over mostly desert and sand. Nehemiah could have reminded them of their sorry stations in life. But he didn't.

Here's the principle: one of the hardest parts of being a Christian is that we are called to take the high road. We respond to naysayers by politely declining their invitation into the mud.

A famous person once said, "Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it." The Bible puts it this way in Romans 12:17 (The Message):

Don't hit back. Discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even. That's not for you to do. I'll do the judging, says God. I'll take care of it.

If you see your enemy hungry, buy them lunch. If they're thirsty, get them a drink. Your generosity will surprise them with goodness.

Don't let evil get the best of you. Get the best of evil by doing good.

When you examine the lives of great people in scripture, you see this pattern again and again. God blesses the people who take the high road:

• Joseph in jail refuses to hate and lash out. He plays by the rules, and eventually the most powerful man in Egypt promotes him.
• David refuses to resent King Saul for hurling spears at him. He says, "I will not lift my hand against the Lord's anointed." As Saul continued his murderous antics, David kept a soft heart toward someone with a hard heart.
• Jesus was led like a lamb to the slaughter but was silent. When His enemies hurled insults, He did not retaliate.

The Hard Prayer

Before we put Nehemiah on too high a pedestal, notice verse 5. He goes unfiltered here—which is actually how God prefers us to pray. He already knows your thoughts before you say them. You might as well be honest.

Nehemiah prays: "God, I just want you to never ever forgive these two guys. Do not erase their sin." Could a more unhealthy prayer be uttered? But I don't think this prayer is recorded as a model for Christ-like behavior. It's a model to take all your anger toward the naysayers and give it straight to God. He can handle it. But when it comes to those side-by-side, we keep our mouths shut and take the high road.

Jesus said:

Whoever puts his hand to the plow and looks back is not fit for service in the kingdom of God.

I might add: Whoever puts his hand to the plow and looks side to side is not fit for service in the kingdom of God. The only way to build the wall God called you to build is to look straight at the wall and don't lose your focus.

Principle Three: Resume the Work (If the Criticism Is Valid)

Notice what Nehemiah does after he takes his anger to God. He regains his composure and gives his critics all the time they deserve: zero.

So we rebuilt the wall until the entire wall was joined together up to half its height, for the people had the will to keep working. (Nehemiah 4:6)

A wise businessman once told me: "The best response to criticism is results." You can't waste energy trying to convince opponents they're wrong. You devote that energy to doing what you believe is right and trust that God takes care of outcomes.

However, not all criticism is bad. Some criticism is meant to help. Proverbs 12:15 says:

A fool's way is right in his own eyes, but whoever listens to counsel is wise.

And Proverbs 17:10:

A rebuke cuts into a perceptive person more than a hundred lashes into a fool.

The ability to take advice and correction is a mark of the wise—people whom God seeks to bless. David exclaims in Psalm 141:

Let the righteous one strike me. It is an act of faithful love. Let him rebuke me. It is oil for my head.

Just eat the watermelon, spit out the seed. When people criticize you, they often say it in a way you wouldn't choose. But if other people you know love you have said the same thing, maybe it's worth hearing. Nehemiah must have prayed it through, because those men were not messengers from God—they were distractions of the enemy, and he would not allow the work to be compromised.

Three Core Principles

1. Expect opposition when you walk in the will of God. Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart. I have overcome the world." Brace for resistance.

2. Refuse to play petty tit-for-tat games. One of the greatest ways to respond to a fool is silence. Proverbs 26:4 says don't respond to the stupidity of a fool—you only look like a fool yourself.

3. Remain focused on your assignment. At the end of your life, you will not stand before your critics, your family, your peers, or your college professors. You will stand before one person: the Lord Jesus. You'll only want His endorsement. Give an account for everything you said and how you responded—but most importantly, did you remain focused on what He called you to do?

Staying Tender-Hearted

How do you stay tender-hearted after years of being criticized? Years ago, when I was brand new in ministry, an older pastor named Pastor Phil took me under his wing. One day he invited me to a meeting with upset custodial staff. One man began speaking to Phil in a way that was absolutely out of line. When the river of rage finally went dry, Phil responded calmly. He looked the man in the eyes and said:

I want you to know that I will not take the same spirit with you.

All the tension left the room. A gentle answer turns away wrath. I learned more in those three minutes than a full semester of seminary.

Staying tenderhearted toward unkind people is a conscious choice. It doesn't come naturally, but it always makes things end better.

Stephen, as he was being stoned to death, prayed:

Lord, do not hold this sin against them. (Acts 7:60)

What made Stephen memorable was not that he was hated for Christianity, but his commitment to stay soft toward those who are hard. That's so rare these days.

How do you stay tender-hearted? Give all your toxic feelings to God, and make a constant conscious choice to be soft-hearted toward those who are hard-hearted.

A Word to Skeptics

If Christians are supposed to be loving people, why are some of the most critical people you've ever met religious? I'm sad to say my experience matches yours. Some of the harshest comments I've received are from Christians.

But here's what you should know: Jesus warned us that not everybody who flashes the badge is actually on the team. In Matthew 7, Jesus said:

Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and drive out demons and perform many miracles?' And then Jesus will say plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers.'

There will always be people who attend church, learn Christian language, and run in Christian circles—but do not possess genuine Christian faith.

However, the good news is this: Faith produces visible fruit. Galatians 5 tells us the fruit of the Spirit is:

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

You cannot call yourself a Christian and find fulfillment in constantly criticizing other Christians. So to the skeptic, I would say: Do not assume that everyone who claims to speak for Christ has been born of the Holy Spirit. Pattern your life after the very best Christ followers—those who are loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled.

Because knowledge puffs up, but love always builds up. Some of the meanest people in the world are puffed up with biblical knowledge but have never been born of the Spirit to apply it. It has made them prideful and hard-hearted, rather than loving, joyful, and peaceful.

For Young People with Big Dreams

What do I do when I feel called to something big, but everybody around me thinks I'm unrealistic?

Study history and you'll discover that nearly every person who achieved something significant was told at some point, "Get real." There are moments when you must accept certain limitations. For instance, I was once thoroughly convinced I was headed to the NBA. But the Lord whispered, "Ben, I made you slow. You can't jump." Wisdom means adjusting expectations.

But to any young person with a dream, be very careful who you share your dreams with. Dreams are fragile. Most people won't be as passionate about your ideas as you are, and it hurts.

Share your dreams with only a few people who have a history of believing the best in you. When you face small-minded people who mock the wall you feel called to build, use that anger to feed your work ethic. Dreams tend to happen after hours of unseen work.

In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell studied why some people become standouts while others plateau. There's always an element of luck—what we Christians call divine intervention—but when that door opens, the common theme is: a person willing to put in the time and sweat equity.

Gladwell notes a study of young violinists. Researchers wanted to know why some gifted violinists became elite world-class performers while others plateaued. The students who ended up best in their class began practicing more:

• 6 hours a week by age 9
• 8 hours a week by age 12
• 16 hours a week by age 14
• Well over 30 hours a week by age 20

By age 20, elite performers had totaled 10,000 hours of practice. If you want to master anything, put 10,000 hours of practice into that craft.

If God has placed a dream in your heart, go after it. As the old saying goes: Pray like it all depends on God, and work like it all depends on you. Prepare for the opportunity. Expect it to come until the Lord tells you otherwise. Study, practice, improve, stay focused. Because a lot of people will try to knock you off course.

I'm not much of a horse person, but I once saw one pulling a carriage through town. On the side of their face, horses have blinders—leather pieces strategically placed to help them focus on what's most important, not the people shouting on the side, but the path right in front of them.

When I think back to my teenage years and the dreams God put in my heart, I could have used a set of those blinders. I wish they made them today.

I've encountered older people over the years who try to talk me out of a dream. When I ask about their story, I realize they're deeply disappointed their dreams never came true. Out of love—or what they feel is love—they want you to lower your expectations. But I want to encourage you:

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. (Proverbs 16:3)

In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

Jesus said: Nobody builds a tower without making sure he has the materials. Nobody goes to war without checking that he has enough men to win. Do your preparing. Do your planning. Put in the work and leave the outcome to God.

This is what it means as a young person to walk by faith and not by sight—to believe God has put a dream in you, and that if you sacrifice and work hard, He will help you fulfill it.

Don't ever let someone choke the dream in you if God put it inside there. And God will bless you if you walk by faith.