Parenting Wisely

Parenting Wisely: A Father's Call to Instruction, Correction, and Trust

The Cultural Context: Fatherhood Under Attack

Fatherhood is under attack in our culture because the family itself is under attack. In previous generations—think of the 1950s and 60s—fathers were celebrated as responsible moral anchors of the family. Shows like Father Knows Best presented fathers as wise providers and leaders. When a problem arose at home, mothers would reassure their children: "Don't worry, your dad is coming. He will fix it."

Today, the picture has completely flipped. In movies and TV shows, fathers are depicted as clumsy, immature, and irrelevant. Think of films like Family Guy, where the father figure is presented as impulsive and incompetent, leaving the family to clean up his messes. This is not accidental—there is a cultural agenda at work.

The consequences are devastating:

• Approximately 80% of men in prison grew up without a father at home
• Around 85% of women who struggle deeply in life never had a good relationship with their father

At a time when fatherhood is often mocked, minimized, or neglected, the book of Proverbs calls fathers back to one of the highest callings God has given: the calling of being a father.

Proverbs: A Parenting Book Built on Generational Transmission

The entire book of Proverbs is, in essence, a parenting book—but not in the way we typically think. It's not a collection of techniques designed to guarantee that your children will obey you or follow a certain path.

Rather, Proverbs is built on a simple but profound structure: one generation passing wisdom to the next generation. The book begins with a father speaking to his son (Proverbs 1:8: "Hear, my son, your father's instruction and forsake not your mother's teaching"). It ends with a king, Lemuel, instructing his son with wisdom passed down from his mother (Proverbs 31). From beginning to end, Proverbs is about passing wisdom from one generation to the next—wisdom about how to walk in the fear of the Lord.

The word of God offers hope and direction for wise parenting.

The Central Message: Faithful Parenting in Three Parts

Faithful parenting requires three things: faithful instruction, loving correction, and humble dependence on God.

This pattern mirrors how God himself has approached us: He instructs, He disciplines, and He invites us to trust in Him.

My son, keep your father's commandment and forsake not your mother's teaching. Bind them on your heart always. Tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will lead you. When you lie down, they will watch over you. When you awake, they will talk with you. For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light, and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life. (Proverbs 6:20–23, ESV)

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Point One: Give Your Kids Your Presence, Not Just Your Provision

One of the most remarkable features of Proverbs is how often we hear the voice of a father. The book reads like a conversation—a father walking with his son, repeating the same refrain throughout:

• "Listen to me, my son"
• "Receive my words"
• "Pay attention"
• "Listen to my instructions"

Proverbs assumes that parents are God's vehicle to lead their children into wisdom—but crucially, this happens through proximity, not distance. Before Proverbs gives us principles, it gives us presence.

The father is close enough to speak, and the son is close enough to hear. It happens as they walk together, drive together, share meals together. As they do life together, the father speaks to the son. He gives his presence before he gives his provision.

A provider can give stuff, but a present father gives himself. A child's greatest need is not financial security, but family security—a dad who is there, engaged, and intentional.

I have counseled many people at the end of their lives. I have never met one who said, "I wish I had spent more time working." But I have met many who said, "I wish I spent more time with my family."

This pattern appears throughout Proverbs:

Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching. For they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck. (Proverbs 1:8–9)

Bind them on your heart always. Tie them around your neck. When you walk, they will lead you. When you lie down, they will watch over you. And when you awake, they will talk with you. (Proverbs 6:21–22)

This language is drawn from the Shema in Deuteronomy 6—the command that the Lord's words be bound on our hearts. Proverbs applies this same principle to parental wisdom.

The Church's Role: Partnership, Not Replacement

The world today tells us to let children raise themselves, give them what they want, be their buddy, forget about rules, avoid discipline, and leave the raising to daycare and schools. The Bible says that is folly and leads to destruction.

As a church, we are committed to raising the next generation of men and women who will be faithful to Jesus. But we do not see this as taking the job away from parents. We partner with parents. We come alongside you and say: Mom, Dad, we want to teach the word to your children and equip you with tools to do this yourselves.

Parents today face challenges we never imagined. When I finished high school in 1998, I don't remember anyone thinking about taking their life or harming themselves. Today, this is tragically common. Parents sometimes feel overwhelmed. As a church, we want to come alongside you—but remember: it is your responsibility to instruct, guide, and lead your children. We support; you lead.

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Point Two: Give Your Kids Loving Correction, Not Just Comfort

The book of Proverbs is full of passages about discipline. But this is uncomfortable territory for many of us because we come to Scripture with baggage.

When we've experienced or witnessed abuse, we recoil from talk of correction. This is understandable. But we must let the Bible inform our thinking, not the other way around. The Bible is not talking about abuse. It's talking about loving correction and formation—not venting in anger, but shaping hearts.

The Problem: Folly Is Built Into Our Hearts

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child. But the rod of discipline drives it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15)

This is crucial: The main problem is not what is out there. It is what is inside.

Modern gentle parenting ideology is built on the assumption that human hearts are basically good. The Bible teaches the opposite: our hearts have an inclination toward sin and evil. Your beautiful, cute children are sinful and fallen. You don't have to teach them to sin—they come programmed to it.

You can observe this clearly on a family vacation. Spend ten days with your kids in close quarters, sharing a bedroom and bathroom, and you'll see their sinful nature emerge. You'll discover the problem is not just external circumstances—it's in their hearts. (And if you're married, you'll see it in your spouse's heart too!)

Discipline Reflects God's Love

My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline, or be weary of his reproof. For the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights. (Proverbs 3:11–12)

Whoever spares the rod hates his son. But he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. (Proverbs 13:24)

The rod and reproof give wisdom. But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. (Proverbs 29:15)

This is radical: Not to discipline is an act of hate. To discipline lovingly is an act of love.

The New Testament confirms this: "For the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son whom he receives" (Hebrews 12:6).

The model is God's own discipline. The driving force is divine love. Correction and discipline are acts of love—not venting, not exploding in anger, not abusing. God disciplines to shape His children, not to satisfy His wrath. Parents should do the same.

Discipline as a Sign of Belonging

Many people view discipline as rejection. But Scripture presents it differently. God disciplines His children because they are His children—not to earn sonship, but because they already possess it.

It's not: "I will discipline so that you become my child." It's: "Because you belong to me, I will discipline, and I love you."

Loving discipline is proof of belonging, not rejection.

A Personal Illustration

When I was twelve or thirteen, my brother and I would visit our uncle's family in Nashua, New Hampshire for a month each summer. One Sunday, my aunt prepared sancocho—a favorite Dominican dish. The next day, she served the same meal reheated. I told her, "I'm not going to eat that. I don't eat leftovers."

She looked at me with a very stern expression and said, "Excuse me?" in Spanish. Then she told my uncle and brother: "Don't touch that food. None of you will eat. I will make something new."

Then she turned to me: "Edgar, this is your meal for the next five days. You will eat it, and you will reheat it."

Today, I love leftovers. My wife is grateful for that discipline too.

But here's the point: When I made that statement, I wasn't expressing a philosophy of diet. I was declaring my autonomy: "I am independent. You are not my authority. I will do what I want."

Every child is born with the lie that they are autonomous, that they are their own authority. Why? Because by nature we rebel against the ultimate authority—God. As children, we display that sinful nature by rebelling against our parents.

When a child says "I won't eat that" or "You can't tell me what to do," they're not making a dietary choice or a rational argument. They're asserting, "You have no authority over me."

If this is not addressed and corrected, destruction will follow. That's what Proverbs teaches.

The Window of Discipline

Proverbs 19:18 reminds us: discipline has a window. Do it while you're able. The emphasis of Proverbs is not parental venting, but parental correction. Not anger, but loving formation. Not retribution, but restoration. The aim is not to harm them, but to restore them in the grace of the Lord.

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Point Three: Entrust Your Kids to the Lord, Not Just Your Worries

Here's what many parents don't understand: wisdom is something you can teach, but you cannot enforce.

Parenting is like evangelism. In evangelism, we're responsible to communicate the gospel and invite people to repent and believe. But we cannot save anyone. Only God can change a heart of stone and put a heart of flesh. Only God can place the Holy Spirit within a person.

Similarly, we're responsible to instruct and correct. But we cannot guarantee the results.

The Lie Many Parents Believe

Here's a formula many parents have internalized:

Faithfulness + Good Parenting = Guaranteed Results

This is a lie. The Bible doesn't teach this.

You'll find families where three or four children were raised in the same household, with the same philosophy, same worldview, same parents—and they turn out completely differently. One loves Jesus and follows the Lord. Another is lost and rebellious. Same house, same instruction, same parents, opposite outcomes.

A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother. (Proverbs 10:1)

The righteous who walks in his integrity, blessed are his children after him. (Proverbs 20:7)

The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice. He who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. (Proverbs 23:24–25)

Yes, the parents are pleading with their sons, and the son's obedience brings gladness while disobedience brings pain. But we cannot guarantee the results, and many parents are crushing themselves under a burden they were never meant to carry.

Proverbs 22:6—A Principle, Not a Promise

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

This is one of the most famous proverbs. But here's what many don't understand: Proverbs are principles, not promises.

This doesn't mean: "If you teach the gospel to your children, they will be secure and safe forever." Rather, it means: If your children are raised in a Christian environment, exposed to God's word, where you model the gospel to them, most likely they will follow the Lord.

But if you did everything right and your child still goes astray, it's not a broken promise—it's because Proverbs describes a principle, not a contract guaranteed in advance.

We have to trust them to the Lord. We have to give them to the Lord.

Derek Kidner's Insight

Old Testament scholar Derek Kidner puts it this way:

Even the best training cannot instill wisdom, but only encourage the choice to seek it. A son may be too opinionated to learn. A good home may produce an idler. And of course, there are parents who have only themselves to thank for their shame. But it is ultimately the person himself who must bear his own blame, for it is his attitude to wisdom.

We are all moral agents. Your children will make their own decisions. You cannot guarantee the results. But you can instruct them, help them, teach them, point them to Jesus, model the gospel to them, and discipline them when necessary.

The Burden Is Not Yours to Carry

It's impossible for a parent not to worry about their children. We're always concerned, always thinking about them. Whatever is heavy in your heart, whatever is overwhelming you, whatever burden you carry about your children—name it and give it to the Lord.

Say: "Lord, I'm entrusting this to you. I cannot do it. You can do it."

You are their parent, not their savior. Jesus is their savior.

Pray for them. Instruct them. Love them. Correct them. But remember: your children's hope has never ultimately rested in your perfection as a parent. Their hope rests in the perfection of the Son of God, Jesus Christ.

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The Perfect Son: Jesus Christ

The reality is this: Fathers and mothers, we have all failed as parents. And children, we have all failed in honoring our parents.

But here's the good news: There was once a perfect Son. That Son is Jesus Christ, the wisdom of God.

The Lord Jesus:

• Always listened to His Father
• Always obeyed His Father
• Always trusted His Father
• Always honored His Father

Jesus succeeded where every child has failed. He triumphed. And then He died—for both failing parents and failing children.

On the cross, Jesus took upon Himself our guilt, our shame, and our sin. He traded His perfect record for our broken record. Through faith in Him, we receive His righteousness, His grace, His love, and His perfection.

The Gospel Invitation

The Bible teaches that we have all been created by God and all have sinned against God. Our sin separates us from Him. The wages of sin is death. Because God is just, He will judge sin.

But God is also rich in mercy, infinite in grace and love. He sent His only begotten Son, who came from heaven, became flesh, and lived perfectly. He did what we were supposed to do but cannot do. And He went to a cross to receive the penalty for our guilt and sin.

He was buried, and three days later, He rose from the dead—vindicated, saving, and redeeming anyone who trusts in Him.

It is not for you to make yourself perfect, to clean yourself up, to fix yourself, and then come to God. Come to God as you are. Come with your failures, your sin, your broken record. And He will give you grace, righteousness, holiness, and life.

Final Word to Fathers

Be present. Lovingly correct. Trust God with what only God can do.

Be faithful with the children God has entrusted to you. Speak wisdom to them. Correct them in love. Pray for them.

But remember: You are a steward, not their savior. God created them and entrusted them to you—for you to instruct them and point them to the wisdom of God, the Lord Jesus.

The hope of your children has never rested ultimately in your perfection as a father. It rests in the perfection of the Son of God, the Lord Jesus Christ.

And that is very encouraging—because you don't need to be perfect. Jesus is perfect. Entrust them to Jesus.